


Switched and Separated

by KittyKatBella



Category: Gravity Falls, Switched at Birth (TV)
Genre: ADHD Mabel, Asexual Stanford Pines, Autistic Dipper Pines, Autistic Grunkle Ford, Bisexual Fiddleford McGucket, Deaf Character, Gay Stanford Pines, Multi, Pansexual Mabel Pines, Parody, Trans Dipper Pines
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-22
Updated: 2018-04-04
Packaged: 2019-04-06 15:07:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 39,544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14059581
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KittyKatBella/pseuds/KittyKatBella
Summary: After a blood test in science class at school and learning his blood type, Ford learns something that changes his life: the fact that his parents aren't actually his parents. This leads to a new adventure, one that no one in the family is prepared for.(I won't be doing all the episodes exactly, just summaries sort of the episodes that fit well)





	1. This Is Not A Pipe

"From the color of our eyes, to the color of our hair. To how our pinky bends or whether we can roll our tongues. Who we are is determined by genes passed down to us from our mothers and fathers."

"Cut that out, Mabel," Ford laughed, playfully shoving the girl. Mabel giggled as she put her tongue back in her mouth. "That's gross."

"Oh, says the guy who'll go hunting for poop," Mabel teased.

"It's a very big clue when you're trying to find an animal or creature," Ford said in defense, folding his arms.

"Ok, let's begin our blood type tests," the teacher announced. "Use the needle to prick a drop of blood onto the four fields on your test cards."

Ford and Mabel did so. Ford winced slightly as the needle pricked his pointer finger, drawing out the drop of blood.

\-----

"It's extremely rare, you know," Ford said. Mabel sat beside him at the kitchen table, while their parents moved around the kitchen. "Only 1% of the population is AB."

"I have art club tomorrow so I need someone to drive me!" Mabel announced, raising a hand.

"Stanford, you can't be AB because your mother and I are both A," Daniel said. "That means you have to be either A or O."

"...well that can't be right," Ford frowned, looking at the card results again.

"I'm taking the Mercedes tomorrow," Carly said.

"I'm telling you, it's genetically impossible," Daniel said.

"No, I-I know that," Ford said. "That's why I'm so confused."

"Maybe it's a rare defect thingy," Mabel smiled at her brother. "Like those six fingers of yours. Ooh! Or maybe you could be a vampire."

"I doubt that," Ford chuckled.

"Mabel, you may just have a point there," Daniel said, sitting down. "Your mother once had quite a fascination with a mail carrier with snaggly teeth."

"I do not have snaggly teeth!" Ford defended himself.

"We had only just moved when I got pregnant with Ford and Mabel," Carly said. "I was far too exhausted to have an affair."

"...it has to be a mistake," Daniel shook his head, passing the blood test card back over to Ford.

\-----

Ford and Mabel were riding in the car with their mom as she drove them to school. They passed by a piece of graffiti on a wall- a girl in a pink dress, with sun beams coming out from behind her head.

"There's another one," Ford pointed it out.

"I wish I knew who was doing them," Mabel smiled.

"It is pretty," Carly smiled.

"You really think that's art?" Ford rolled his eyes.

"It _is_ art!" Mabel said.

"It's graffiti," Ford shook his head. "Against the law. What if everyone ran around with spray paint, hm?"

"But obviously that doesn't happen," Carly said, looking in the rear view mirror at her daughter.

"Good thing," Ford scoffed.

"...why do you think we see things differently all the time?" Mabel asked. "You against me and Mom."

"...I don't know."

"Well you're a teenager," Carly said. "And Mabel's brother. It's your job to disagree with us."

"But we've always been different," Ford said. "Quite different."

"I don't think that's true, sweetie," Carly hummed.

"...if I wanted you to do something, even if you thought it was crazy..." Ford began, fidgeting with his hands, "would you?"

\-----

_Six weeks later..._

"We've done extensive, 12-marker testing on all four of you," the woman behind the counter said. Ford and Mabel sat with their parents, all of them looking nervous. "It is 99.9% certain that Stanford is _not_ related to you."

Carly let out a choked sob. Ford appeared in shock.

"The hospital believes there was a mix-up," the woman continued.

"Did they actually use that word- mix-up?" Daniel asked.

"Someone wasn't careful matching the ID anklets," the woman said. "It's _extremely_ rare, but it happens."

"All the extremely rare things seem to happen to me, huh?" Ford grumbled, closing his hand over his extra finger on the other. Mabel reached over to squeeze his arm.

"You took home someone else's baby," the woman said. "And another family took home yours." The family all looked at each other. "It's a lot to take in, I know-"

"Yes, it is a lot to take in," Daniel agreed. "Would you just tell us what the procedure is going forward?"

"You find your real son, your real twin, I find my real parents," Ford said softly.

"W-we say 'biological', not 'real'," the woman corrected.

"Who could these people be?" Carly asked, wiping at her eyes. "And what would they expect from us?"

"Yes, who are they? Where do I come from?" Ford asked.

"Ok, just hold on one second," Daniel said. "Does anyone know where this other child might be?"

\-----

Two boys sat at a small table in a small house, doing their homework. One wore a navy jakcet and a blue and white baseball cap with a pine tree on it. The other wore a plain white tee and jeans. A tea kettle whistled in the background and the phone rang, with a light flashing beside it. A woman with long brown hair hurried in to take the kettle off the stove and answer the phone.

"Hello?" She asked. As the other person spoke, she slowly began to frown. The boys looked over at her in confusion.

\-----

_Two weeks later..._

The Pines family stood up as the other three entered the room. The woman behind the counter also stood up as the families faced each other.

"Daniel and Carly Pines, Martha Oak," she introduced. The parents all shook hands, exchanging greetings. Then the kids looked across at each other. Ford looked at the taller boy- his actual, _identical_ twin. Mabel looked at the shorter boy- _her_ actual twin.

"Stanley, Dipper, this is Stanford and Mabel," the woman said.

"Hello," Ford nodded, keeping his hands folded behind his back. A thought ran through Mabel's head- wasn't her twin supposed to be identical, too?- but she kept it quiet.

"Hi," Mabel grinned. Stanley nodded at them.

"It's nice to meet you," Dipper said, signing along with his words. You could almost hear Carly's heart stop.

\-----

The car drove through the trees surrounding the road. Inside, Martha drove and Stan sat up front, with the other boy in the back.

"What was he again?" Martha asked, somehow signing while driving. "A pitcher? First baseman?"

"Third base for the Royals," Stan signed. "I think now he owns like, seven car washes."

"Rough life," Martha scoffed. She pulled into the Pines' driveway. "Put your name on a sign and sit around and collect money."

The three of them got out of the car, and almost instantly the Pines family (except for Daniel) had hurried outside to greet them.

"I'm so glad you found it!" Carly smiled. She looked at Stan and Dipper and her smile became a bit nervous. She raised her voice slightly. "Stanley, Dipper, this is- well, you know them! Stanford and Mabel! You sure look alike!"

"Mom," Ford groaned, burying his face in his hands.

"No matter how loud you yell, they still can't hear you," Martha said.

"Right. Of course," Carly smiled sheepishly.

"Just face us and talk normally," Stan said. "Not too fast, not too slow."

"It's ok," Dipper said. "Everyone does it at first."

"Ok, I have to go," Daniel said, exiting while talking on the phone. He hung up and addressed the others. "Hey, sorry! We're opening like, two new car washes and it's been real hectic."

He moved to hug Dipper and then stood back with the rest.

"I can't believe you own Pines Car Wash," Stan grinned. "We used to go there all the time."

"He's been dying to meet you," Dipper said. "He's a huge Royals fan."

"Hey, shut up," Stan said, lightly shoving Dipper. The group fell into silence.

"...Well, should we go have lunch?" Carly suggested. Everyone spoke in agreement and they went inside.

 _Lunch, inside the mansion,_ Stan signed to Dipper.

 _Be nice,_ Dipper scolded playfully.

"I made chicken enchiladas, so save room, ok?" Carly announced. Martha interpreted her words to Dipper and Stan.

"Oh, actually, I'm a vegetarian," Dipper said. "But it's ok! I always find something."

"So my twin brother is a vegetarian!" Mabel grinned. "Huh!"

"Oh, I'm sorry," Carly frowned. "I didn't know."

"When they were 11, I dated a guy who managed a chicken plant," Martha explained as everyone sat down. "The stories we heard were..."

"Horrendous," Dipper finished. "Enough to throw me off meat."

"Well, I think eating vegetarian is great," Daniel said.

"You hunt," Ford said shortly. There was an awkward silence.

"Well there was that one time with the guys from the team..." Carly said.

"Right. That one time," Ford said sarcastically.

"So, Dipper, are you allergic to anything?" Carly asked.

"No," Dipper shook his head. "Which is probably expected, considering I'm your daughter's _identical_ twin..."

"Oh yeah! About that," Mabel spoke up. "Umm..."

She pointed between herself and Dipper, obviously looking confused.

"I'm transgender," Dipper explained. "Dipper is just my chosen name, really."

"And Stanley and I are also identical, correct?" Ford asked. Martha nodded. Ford's eyes hopped to Stan's hands and then back up to his face. "Guess that's just a genetic defect, then..."

"What?" Stan raised an eyebrow. Ford slowly raised a hand. "Woah. You've got-"

"Polydactyly," Dipper blurted out, then smiled sheepishly. "I've, ah, read about it..."

Ford blinked in surprise before smiling.

"So, you all live in East Riverside?" Daniel asked.

"Yes," Martha nodded. "It's near a lake and a park and it's very diverse, which I think is important."

Daniel and Carly spoke in agreement.

"So, you went with a Stan name too, then?" Carly asked.

"Yes, I guess so," Martha chuckled. "Funny how that works out, hm?"

"Didn't even know we were twins and we still got cliche matching twin names," Stan joked.

"What's Dipper's real name?" Mabel asked excitedly. "Did we get matchy names too?"

The room fell silent again. Ford sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. Stan appeared a bit angry, and was about to say something when Dipper set a hand on his, pushing them down.

"It's ok, Lee," he said. "I've got this." He looked over at Mabel. "I don't feel comfortable sharing that just yet. You're not even supposed to ask a trans person about their deadname- all you need to know is that Dipper _is_ my real name."

"Oh... right," Mabel blushed slightly in embarrassment. "I think Dipper is a really nice name!"

"Of course you do," Ford rolled his eyes.

"...can I use your bathroom?" Dipper asked.

"Oh, of course!" Carly nodded. "Just make yourself at home. If you need anything, just pretend it's your house!"

"Because technically, it is," Mabel giggled.

\-----

Daniel walked into the kitchen to see Carly digging through the main dish with a fork.

"What are you doing, honey?" Daniel asked.

"Taking the chicken out," Carly answered.

"Wh- you can't take chicken out of chicken enchilada," Daniel said. Carly set the fork down.

"That's our son out there," she whispered.

"I know."

"That boy."

"I know, it's crazy," Daniel shook his head.

"And some nurse spaces out and suddenly our lives are a complete mess," Carly said. "I mean, who could make that kind of mistake?!"

"Yeah, we're gonna fix that," Daniel said.

"How?" Carly asked. "You think that woman is just going to hand him over? And what about our Stanford? What if she tries to get him back from us?"

"She's not gonna try to get him back from us," Daniel denied. Martha entered the kitchen, leaning a bit against the counter.

"Can I help?" She offered. The parents during down her offer.

"We're just taking the chicken-" Daniel looked back and forth between the dish and Martha.

\-----

Meanwhile, Dipper was looking around the house. He went through the room, looking out a window to see a large pool just outside. Carly appeared in the doorway, silently watching him. Dipper didn't notice her until he turned to face the doorway.

"...Hi," Carly greeted. "I- I just-" She looked back as Mabel passed the room. "Oh, Mabel! Mabel, sweetie." She pulled the girl back by her arm. "Will you show Dipper around? See if he needs anything?"

"I-I don't need anything," Dipper denied.

"I think it would be nice," Carly smiled.

"Sure thing!" Mabel grinned. "Come on, Dip-Dop! I'll give you the tour!"

She happily showed him out of the room, Dipper following with a small smile.

 _'One day of being twins and she's already dishing out nicknames,'_ he thought to himself.

\-----

As this happened, Ford was giving Stan his own tour of the place.

"Tennis courts, gazebo," Ford said as he showed off the spots. "Concrete dogs. Every house needs them." Stan snickered. "Guest house, basketball court." They passed by an open garage filled with colors and various art materials. "Garage Mabel uses for her art. I also have a garage for art and science, but it's sort of closed off right now. I have an experiment; it got a bit, ah, out of hand."

Stan smiled, walking over to the basketball court and grabbing the ball. He tossed it to Ford, who barely caught it.

"One-on-one?" Stan asked.

"Oh, n-no, I-I don't-" Ford tried to turn the offer down. "I don't really play-"

"Well that's definitely going to change," Stan folded his arms. "If we're twins? We're gonna play."

"Hehe, alright," Ford smiled a bit and began to dribble the ball. Stan quickly stole it and turned to face Ford as the game went underway.

"Talk as much trash as you want," Stan taunted. "Can't see your lips, can't hear you."

He tossed the ball over Ford, making a basket. Stan grinned at the other's surprised look.

\-----

Inside, the three parents were talking.

"So how did Stan and Dipper go, uh..." Daniel motioned to his ear.

"It's ok," Martha smiled.

"Deaf?" Daniel finished.

"It's not a bad word," Martha said. "They both got meningitis when they were three."

"And the hearing aids?" Carly questioned.

"They can hear some ambient noise," Martha explained. "Enough to help them know what's going on around them. But it can't make them hear. They need to see your lips to know what you're saying."

"And how did they get the meningitis?" Daniel asked. Martha looked at him like he was an idiot.

"It's a bacteria," she said. "They caught it."

"And they go to school and everything?" Daniel asked.

"Yes," Martha said. "It's just their ears that don't work, not their brains."

"Right, right."

"Stanford and Mabel go to Buckner Hall, it's a wonderful school," Carly said. "Not that school is Mabel's thing. But Stanford _loves_ it."

"Mabel, she's more into art and glitter, that kind of stuff," Daniel said. "And music."

"But ever since they found out, it's been a bit hard on them," Carly said. "Well, actually, Mabel- bless her heart, she will adjust to any situation and find the bright side. Stanford... well, I think it's upset him a bit more."

"Look, we just want to get to know Dipper, I'm sure you want to get to know Stanford," Daniel said. "And I'm sure the twins all want to get to know each other. So... I don't know, we could maybe have weekly lunches? Or if you want, go through the courts, or whatever. I just think we should have a plan-"

Martha stood up from the couch.

"I think they've all had enough change for one week," she said. "I know Dipper definitely doesn't enjoy change, and this is a _major_ one. I say we give everyone a minute to take it in, hm?"

"We've just lost so much time already..." Carly said. Daniel turned to see Stan and Ford playing basketball outside, and he could faintly hear Dipper's voice from upstairs, excitedly ranting about something. "How long do you want us to wait?"

"And it seems like they're all having fun," Daniel said. "So if you have to go, I'm happy to give them a ride home."

"That... that sounds good," Martha nodded.

\-----

Martha approached the twins playing basketball outside. She stood nearby, and after a minute, Stan spotted her.

"I'm going!" She signed. "They'll drive you, ok?"

"Ok," Stan nodded.

"Watch after your brother," Martha added.

"Will do," Stan said.

\-----

Inside, Carly and Daniel were watching the two of them play. Mabel entered the room with a bag by her side and Dipper behind her. The two adults turned to face them, spotting Mabel watching the two outside.

"They're just having fun," Carly assured. "He's not trying to replace you, you know."

"No- yeah, I know," Mabel smiled. "I just have plans with Candy and Grenda. I'll be home later."

"Ok," Daniel nodded. "Dipper, what do you-?"

"I was just gonna go play with Stan and Ford," he said.

"Ok," Daniel nodded.

"Bye-bye, Dipper!" Mabel said, smiling and hugging the boy before hurrying off.

\-----

Mabel stood in the piercing shop with Candy and Grenda, watching as one woman got her nose pierced.

"I'm finally gonna do it," Mabel grinned, facing her friends.

"I think you have to be 18," Candy said.

"Lucky for me," Mabel pulled out her wallet and showed off a fake ID, "I'm 21!"

"But Mabel, you're parents would kill you if you came home with a nose piercing!" Grenda said. Mabel shrugged.

"Ooooh, you are becoming a bad girl!" Candy smiled. "I like it."

\-----

"Man, I haven't been in this neighborhood for years."

Daniel drove down the street, Dipper sitting up front while Stan sat in the back.

"Yeah, there hasn't been a murder here for like, three weeks," Stan said. Daniel turned back to look at him. "I'm joking."

"Oh, that's very funny," Daniel said sarcastically, but smiled a bit anyways. He pulled up to Stan and Dipper's house and Martha and an older woman came outside. The three of them got out of the car. "Hello."

"Hi," Martha smiled. "Daniel, this is my mom, Cassandra. Mom, this is Daniel Pines."

"Nice to meet you," Daniel said, shaking Cassandra's hand.

"You too," Cassandra smiled. "And suddenly many things are making sense."

"I guess we're all just wondering how the hell we didn't know, huh?" Daniel asked.

 _Are you both ready to go inside?_ Martha asked Stan and Dipper.

 _Yeah, just give us a minute,_ Dipper signed back. Martha nodded.

"Nice to see you again," she said to Daniel before heading inside.

"Nice to see you, nice to meet you," Daniel said to Martha and Cassandra.

"Thank you, that was a lot of fun," Dipper smiled.

"Of course. You're both welcome back anytime," Daniel told them. After a pause, Dipper and Daniel hugged. "Have a good night."

"You too," Dipper replied.

"Come on, nerd," Stan said, tugging Dipper inside. Daniel turned to go back to the car.

"Oh, Dipper, your jacket," he spoke. "Dipper, your-!"

He turned to see Stan and Dipper going inside, and the door closed behind them. He sighed, looking around. An ice cream truck's song chimed as it went by. Then a helicopter whirred through the sky, followed by a train whistle and a dog barking.

\-----

Carly was looking through Ford's baby book, at the photos and documents inside. As she reminisced, Daniel entered the room.

"Bars on the windows, bail bonds on every corner," he said, hanging his jacket up. "I was nervous."

"We have to get them out of there," Carly said.

"Yeah. We will," Daniel nodded. 

\-----

The next morning, Carly hurried down the stairs into the kitchen.

"Thank god you're already down here," she said to Mabel. The girl sat at the counter, a cup between her hands. "What are you drinking?"

"I made it!" Mabel smiled proudly. "Mabel Juice! You want some?"

"Anything with the name 'Mabel' in the title probably isn't fit for human consumption," Ford said as he entered the room. Carly looked at her daughter- more specifically, the piercing in her nose. It was a small, purple jewel.

"What is in your nose?" Carly asked.

"A stud. Isn't it cute?" Mabel beamed.

"You pierced your nose without asking me?" Carly gaped.

"Mm-hm!" Mabel nodded.

"That's- wow," Ford appeared surprised.

"Get that thing out of your nose and go get your bag!" Carly ordered. "We're late! You too, Stanford!"

\-----

Martha hurried to answer the door after she had heard a knock. Outside was Daniel.

"Hey, sorry to barge in," he said. "I just- can I talk to you about something?"

"Um- sure, yeah," Martha said. "Come in."

"Thank you," Daniel responded as he came into the house. "I just- I just heard about this thing they implant in the brain that lets deaf people hear."

"The cochlear implant?" Martha raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah, that! That's amazing, right?" Daniel asked. "So I- listen, I know the surgery is very expensive-"

"About 100 grand with speech therapy and follow-up, and that's for just one," Martha said.

"I know, and maybe it's not something you were able to offer Stanley and Dipper, which I completely understand," Daniel began, "But I want to let you know that Carly and I-"

"If I had wanted it for them, I would have found a way to get it for them," Martha interrupted.

"...why wouldn't you want it for them?"

"You think they need to be fixed, dont'cha?" Martha folded her arms. "Stan and Dipper are comfortable being deaf. They like it."

"Oh, come on," Daniel scoffed. "No one likes being deaf."

"The cochlear rewires the brain to hear electronically," Martha said. "It is not a cure."

"No, of course not, but it still sounds amazing, don't you think?" Daniel asked.

"Even with the cochlear, listening would always require effort," Martha explained. "It would be _work_."

"But isn't it worth it?" Daniel pressed. "The rest of the world can hear and now they can join it?"

"You just found out you have this kid, and you want him to be just like you, I _get_ it," Martha said. "But Dipper will never _be_ like you. The sooner you accept that, the sooner-"

"No no no, wait," Daniel interrupted. "I have watched Dipper struggle. I have watched him struggle to follow a conversation. And I know that if he has this procedure, he won't have to read lips or rely on you or me or anybody else to translate for him."

"Interpret," Martha corrected.

"Is that it?" Daniel asked. Martha raised an eyebrow. "Keeping them deaf keeps them reliant on you?"

"I want what's best for them," Martha said. "They're my sons."

"Yeah well, Dipper is my son, too," Daniel said. "And Stanley is my son's twin brother."

\-----

Stan and Dipper sat outside Carlton School for the Deaf with their friend, Fiddleford.

 _You could have been tennis prodigies,_ Fiddleford signed. _Or total jerks! Totally different personalities._

 _I'd like to think that part of ourselves are somewhat fixed,_ Dipper signed. _But you're right. Who knows?_

 _If this had never happened, you guys wouldn't be deaf,_ Fiddleford signed.

 _...What do you mean?_ Stan asked.

 _You both caught a virus that made you go deaf,_ Fiddleford explained. _In another world, you probably wouldn't have. One change and everything changes._

 _Us, but hearing?_ Stan asked, him and Dipper looking at each other. Fiddleford nodded.

 _...Weird,_ the twins signed together.

\-----

Ford sat in the car, staring out the window at Stan and Dipper's house. He was wearing a hat and sunglasses, obviously not wanting to be recognized. Martha was outside, saying goodbye to someone. A young man, not much older than Ford, came up to the car and knocked by the window.

"Hey, move along," the redhead said. "Get out of here."

"It's a free country," Ford responded. "I can park where I like."

"Yeah, well, it's my neighborhood and I don't like seeing rich white boys hanging around," the boy said.

"I'm not looking for pot and I'm not a rich white boy," Ford rolled his eyes.

"Really?"

"Really."

Ford looked back at the house, just in time to see Martha heading inside.

"Oh, you know Stan and Dipper?" The boy asked. "Should I tell them you stopped?"

"Very funny," Ford deadpanned.

"You sure look like a rich white boy to me," the boy said.

" _Ceci n'est pas une pipe_ ," Ford responded.

"...say what?" The boy asked.

"'This Is Not A Pipe'," Ford translated. "It's a painting by Magritte. It means your eyes betray you. You think you're looking at a pipe- you grow up your entire life _thinking_ that it's a pipe because everyone said it was- but then one day you find out it's actually an eggplant! You are an eggplant in a pipe world!"

"...I don't know what that means."

Ford looked up at the boy.

"It means I'm clearly going insane," he said. "I should go. But, um... I was never here, ok?"

"What am I going to say?" The boy smiled and stepped back. "I saw an eggplant in a beemer casing the place?"

"Thank you," Ford smiled and drove off.

\-----

Daniel entered the Carlton gym, where a group of students- Stan included- were currently playing basketball. Dipper sat in the bleachers with two other women, reading. Stan made a shot and Daniel smiled, clapping.

"That was amazing," he said to Stan as he came over.

"Hey, Mr... my brother's dad," Stan said. "Thanks. What are you doing here?"

"I came to talk to you and Dipper," Daniel explained. "Can we sit?"

"Sure," Stan nodded. He went to sit beside Dipper, snatching the book out of his hands.

"Wha- Stanley!" Dipper cried, trying to reach for it. "Give it back!"

"Haha, alpha twin!" Stan cheered, holding the book high above Dipper's head.

"I'm still older than you!" Dipper glared playfully. Stan handed the book back and sat beside his brother, and Daniel sat next to them. "Oh, hello."

"He's here to talk to us," Stan told him.

 _Great play out there!_ A woman signed to Stan.

 _Thanks!_ Stan smiled.

"So you know Mabel and Stanford go to Buckner Hall, right?" Daniel asked. "You've heard of that school, right? It's a really, really good school. And I know with your grades and activities you could definitely get in."

 _Is he saying I have good grades?_ Stan held back a snicker.

 _You have decent grades,_ Dipper told him. _That, plus your sports._

"You want us to go to Buckner hall?" Dipper asked.

"Well, I don't think isolating yourselves in a deaf bubble is a good idea," Daniel explained. "Like- let's say you want to be a surgeon, ok? Would your entire team have to learn sign language to get instructions from you every single time? Because that would be really-" He paused at Stan and Dipper's confused looks. "I'm sorry. I'm talking too fast. I'm sorry." Dipper waved it off. "I think you should go to a regular school with regular kids."

"We really appreciate this," Dipper began, "but we love our friends, our teachers."

"I understand," Daniel said. "We just want you to have the best education available, so you have every opportunity out there. And- and then there's Mabel and Stanford, you know? You all want to get to know each other better, right?"

"Right," Dipper nodded. "...Can we think about it?"

"Sure, sure," Daniel allowed. "I'll just set up a tour and we'll go from there."

"Ok," Dipper smiled.

"I should get back to practice," Stan said.

"Got it," Daniel said. Stan stood up and went to go back to the game. "Oh, just one more thing!" He caught Stan's arm. "One more thing. I think while we're working this out, it would be best to not tell Martha. For now."

The twins looked at each other and nodded.

\-----

"We've got scholars, poets, athletes- the best of the best."

Stan and Dipper watched the interpreter intently, occasionally glancing off around the school.

"And an interpreter would be with you in all of your classes," Carly added. Stan and Dipper looked a bit uncomfortable as they looked around the hall, seeing the other students watch and whisper about them.

\-----

Meanwhile, Ford was in the library, tutoring a younger student. The boy tapped his arm, pointing out the library window at the others.

"Hey, who are those boys with your parents?" He asked. Ford turned around to see Stan and Dipper.

"Just some scholarship kid they're sponsoring," Ford lied.

\-----

"Is it ok if we just walk around on our own for a bit?" Stan asked.

"By all means," the tour guide said.

"Yeah, absolutely," Carly nodded. The twins went off, walking around the school and talking to themselves. They passed by Mabel's friend, Candy, who stopped them.

"You do not go here, do you?" She asked with a smile.

"Just taking a tour," Stan said. "It's a lot different that our school."

"What is your school?" Candy asked.

"It's called Carlton," Dipper said. "It's for deaf kids. We're deaf. What's your name?"

"Candy. Oh, wait-" The girl spelled out her name in sign language. "We learned the alphabet in first grade."

"I'm Stan, and this is Dipper," Stan introduced.

"But our name signs are-" Dipper showed them. "Stan's is 'jock' and I'm 'scared'. Mine wasn't really my idea, of course."

"Come on, you were scared of everything back then!" Stan playfully shoved Dipper.

"Ooh, I should have a name sign!" Candy grinned. "What is the sign for 'exceedingly beautiful'?"

The three laughed.

"You can't name yourself," Dipper explained. "It's like, a rule. A deaf person has to do it."

"A rule? You mean I could get in trouble?" Candy asked. Stan nodded. "There's a deaf police?"

"Yes," Stan joked. They laughed again and the bell rang.

"Oh, well, I need to go," Candy said. "Goodbye, Stan. 'Scaredy'."

Dipper blushed a bit and laughed as Candy winked and walked off.

 _...She likes you,_ Stan grinned.

_Shut up!_

\-----

"When were you planning on telling me?"

"I'm sorry, we should have told you about the tour," Carly said.

"That is not the point, Mom!" Ford responded angrily.

"I thought you wanted to get to know them," Carly frowned. "Besides, we have to find a way to integrate Stan and Dipper into our lives."

"Ok, yes, maybe I want to know Stanley, but this is too fast!" Ford cried. "I've known them for barely a week and they're going to my school?!"

"Stanford, you have to be reasonable here," Daniel said. "They have not had the same opportunities as you, and your mother and I are just trying to make things right."

"Right for who?" Ford asked.

"Right for all of us," Daniel responded.

"I just found out that the life I have isn't the life I was supposed to get!" Ford looked as though he was about to break down. "And I can barely wrap my head around it! What's right for me is not having them here! Not yet!"

Ford quickly turned back to the school.

\-----

Stan and Dipper sat on the school steps outside the front door. Mabel spotted them and hurried over, grinning.

"Hi! What are you guys doing here?" She asked.

"Daniel set up a tour for us," Dipper explained. Mabel gasped happily.

"Are you going to go here?!" She squealed. "That would be so much fun!"

"We don't know," Dipper shrugged. "We'll see."

A car pulled up to the school, and Fiddleford stepped out of the driver's seat.

"Mabel, this is Fiddleford," Dipper introduced.

"Hello!" Mabel waved.

 _She's your sister?_ Fiddleford asked Dipper.

 _Yes,_ Dipper signed.

"He was just asking who you are," Stan told Mabel.

"Oh, he doesn't talk?" Mabel asked.

"Not orally," Dipper said.

"Why not?" Mabel tilted her head.

 _Ask her why she doesn't sign,_ Fiddleford signed. Dipper hesitated.

"I-I mean- why do some deaf people sign and others don't?" Mabel rephrased.

"It just kind of depends on the person," Dipper explained. "If they feel comfortable, if they had speech therapy growing up, if they want to."

"But he reads lips?" Mabel asked.

"Yeah," Stan nodded. "You can just ask him directly."

"But he won't answer?"

"It's not really considered polite to talk about deaf people in the third person," Dipper said. "Plus, I can interpret."

"What does he do when you're not around?" Mabel questioned.

 _She's doing it again,_ Fiddleford signed.

"He isn't really around people that don't sign that often," Stan said. "All his friends are deaf, and so is his family."

"What about like, other people?" Mabel asked.

 _Sure is the intuitive type,_ Fiddleford chuckled. _I can see how she's your sister, Dipper._

"He gets by," Dipper smiled. "Trust me, _Fiddleford_ gets by."

"Oh. Ok!" Mabel smiled. "Well, I'll see you guys around!"

\-----

After school, Ford approached Mabel in her art studio.

"Do you want to go do some art?" He asked.

\-----

Ford looked around carefully as Mabel taped the stencil to the wall. Once she had it up, they grabbed the spray paint cans and began filling it in. They finished it quickly, leaving one of the sunshine girl paintings from before.

"What are you, taggers?"

The two siblings spun around to see the boy who had approached Ford before.

"What- what are you doing here?" Ford hissed.

"I live right there," the boy raised an eyebrow. "The better question is, what are _you_ doing here?"

"Ford, do you know him?" Mabel asked. Ford didn't look away from the boy.

"We're _not_ here; you never saw us," Ford said, moving to clean up the stencils and paint.

"I'm pretty sure the fine for graffiti is $10,000 and 30 days in jail," the boy shrugged. "But hey, it's your thing."

"Thanks for looking out for us," Ford rolled his eyes.

"You know, I've seen these around," the boy gestured to the sunshine girl. "They're kinda cute."

"You think so?" Mabel lit up.

"I do," the boy smiled.

"Yeah, well, just don't tell anyone," Ford said. "We actually prefer staying out of jail."

"Looks like I'm keeping a lot of your secrets," the boy said.

"Yeah..." Ford glanced at him. "Looks like it."

\-----

"Daniel?"

"Yes?" He looked up from his work at Carly, who was standing in the doorway.

"I... I know I probably shouldn't have, but I just wanted to know if our son was safe, and-" Carly began.

"Carly. What did you do?" Daniel asked.

"...I ran a security check," Carly said.

"And?"

"She has two DUIs."

\-----

"I really think we should have Stanford over for dinner," Cassandra said. She and Martha were walking out to the car. "We'll have dinner, watch a movie."

"Please. Ma, you should see their house," Martha said. "He does not want to come here."

"Martha, you're his mother," Cassandra said. "He doesn't care how big your house is."

Martha slowed to a stop when she saw her car. The passenger seat window was broken in.

"What- damn it!" She looked into the car. "They took my cell phone charger and two dollars in change. You know how much this is gonna cost me?"

"We have to move out of here," Cassandra groaned. Martha's phone rang and she pulled it out of her purse to answer it.

"Hello? What? No, there must be some mistake." Cassandra looked at Martha for an explanation. "Stan's been arrested."

"What?! What for?!" Cassandra asked.

"He needs an interpreter!" Martha said into the phone. "By law you have to get him an interpreter!"

\-----

Martha hurried into the police station to see, not Stanley, but Stanford sitting there.

\-----

Once Daniel and Carly arrived, the two moms sat with Ford in the waiting room while Daniel dealt with the police.

"What were you thinking, using a fake ID to buy beer?" Carly asked. "Were you trying to get arrested?"

"Everyone has one, Mom," Ford sighed.

"'Everyone has one'- that's your excuse?" Carly looked at him. "First your sister gets that _thing_ in her nose, and now this."

"Hm, maybe we aren't dealing with this whole switch thing as well as you think we are," Ford growled.

"Ok, we're done here," Daniel said. "Court date's on the 26th."

"Court date- that should sound familiar," Carly said as they all stood up.

"What do you mean?" Martha asked.

"We know about you're DUIs," Carly revealed.

"Carly, this is not the time or place," Daniel said.

"Why not?" Carly snapped.

"That was 12 years ago!" Martha defended. "How do you even know about-"

"Were you drunk when Stan and Dipper got sick?" Carly asked.

"Carly, stop it!" Daniel hissed.

"No, I want to know!" Carly said. "Did you wait too long to take them to the hospital? Is that why their fevers got so high; is that why they're deaf?"

"Because being deaf is the worst possible thing you could imagine for your child, isn't it?" Martha snapped.

"That is not what she is trying to say-" Daniel spoke.

"You don't know a thing about them, or me!"

"We know that you're not responsible."

"Can you all just please stop fighting?"

"May I remind you that we are in the police station because of the son that _you_ raised."

"Do you even hear yourselves?!"

"Alright, just back off-"

"We intend to get an attorney and take Dipper. Stanley too, if we can."

Ford turned to run out of the office.

"Don't even think about it."

"We _will_ think about it!"

"Stanford, just hold on one minute! Both of you just calm down."

"No! I can't believe you're taking her side-!"

"Stanford? Ford!"

\-----

Daniel and Carly drove through the city, even though it was well past dark.

"I think we should keep looking for him," Carly said.

"Honey, he's got his phone, he'll call a friend," Daniel assured. "He'll be fine."

"...how could I not have known?" Carly asked in a broken voice.

"Because... you had been in labor for 17 hours," Daniel said. "Because all newborns look alike. Because someone from that hospital came to us and said 'Hey! Here's your baby!' and we had no reason not to believe them. I keep asking myself the same thing."

"But it's different for me, I carried him," Carly protested. "He was inside of me. He was my baby."

"Ok, this is not helping," Daniel interrupted as Carly sounded close to tears.

"That woman got him," she said quietly.

"If we had figured this out at the hospital, we never would have known Stanford," Daniel reasoned.

"I know," Carly whispered. "That's the crazy part. I can't even be angry because I'm so grateful."

The both laughed.

"I know. It's- I know."

\-----

"It's a really good school."

"It just- it seems so important to them," Stan added. Him and Dipper were sitting on the living room couch, talking with their grandmother.

"But Ma would freak out if we told her we wanted to go," Dipper said. "But if we say no, it's like we're rejecting them." Dipper sighed. "Just tell us what to do."

"It's all up to you," Cassandra said. She saw Martha walk in. "Did you find him?"

"They think he's at a friend's house and he'll call when he's ready," Martha said. Cassandra sighed.

 _Talk to her_ , she signed to Stan and Dipper.

"Ok, I'm going to bed," she announced, winking at the boys.

"Goodnight," Martha said, digging around the cabinets. Stan and Dipper walked over to the counter, Stan tapping his hand against the top.

"We need to talk to you," Dipper said. "We need you to stop yelling at the Pines's. As uneducated as they are about deaf culture, they mean well."

"Those people-"

"Let him finish," Stan interrupted sternly.

"You are my mom," Dipper said. "You will always be my mom. But I need to get to know them, too. We took a tour of that hearing school where Ford and Mabel go. They really want us to go, and I think I'm gonna say yes."

"And I am, too," Stan spoke.

"So we need you to support our decision, ok?" Dipper finished.

"...Absolutely not," Martha said.

"What?" Stan asked.

"You wanna be those weird deaf kids with the interpreters following them around?" Martha asked. "You know what happens to deaf kids in hearing schools. They become outsiders. Stanley, Dipper, you can do anything you want with you life. I have _always_ told you that. You're both 1,000 times smarter than any of those hearing kids who used to tease you make you feel stupid."

"It won't be like that!" Stan argued. "We're not five years old anymore! We don't need you to protect us!"

"Yes you do," Martha said. "Now I have to protect you from yourselves. You know what's right. But you're letting these people pressure you because you're so desperate for their acceptance! Let them love you for who you are, not what they think you need to be."

She walked off, leaving the twins alone.

\-----

Ford was sitting on a curb underneath a streetlight. He stood up as the car approached, and when it stopped, he stepped inside. Mabel drove off, glancing at her brother during the awkward silence.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" She asked quietly.

"Talk about what? How super well I'm handling finding out I'm a plot device in a Mark Twain novel?" Ford responded angrily. "Or maybe that, yes, ok, I tried to buy alcohol? Or how about the fact that I wasn't supposed to be here, you're not my sister, my parents aren't my parents, and I was supposed to have a completely different environment and life?"

Mabel remained silent, squirming uncomfortably in her seat.

"I'm sorry," she whimpered. Ford sighed, rubbing at his eyes.

"Don't be; it's not your fault," he mumbled. "Forget it. You can't understand. Not completely, anyways."

"...There's one person who _would_ ," Mabel said. "Understand completely."

"...oh yeah," Ford sighed. " _Him._ "

\-----

Dipper tossed and turned in bed, trying to fall asleep. The bed across the room was empty- Stan always did stay up late. Finally, he figured that sleep wasn't going to come any time soon. He opened his eyes, jumping in shock at seeing Stanford outside his window. He quickly got up and opened his window, letting Ford inside. He turned the light on, but Ford quickly shut it back off.

"Don't do that!" He hissed. Dipper turned the light back on.

"I can't read your lips in the dark!" He said. "Besides, this is my room."

"...It's actually my room, technically," Ford said.

"Very funny," Dipper rolled his eyes. He walked over to his bedside table to put in his hearing aids. Ford took some CD cases and looked through them.

"May I?" He asked. Dipper nodded. Ford shifted through the CDs, face creasing in a slight frown. "How can you-?"

"I can hear the beat if the music is really loud," Dipper explained.

"Ah," Ford nodded. He looked up at some sketches on the wall. "Did you do these?"

"No. My mom did," Dipper said. "Well, your mom. Photography is more my thing. So, what are you doing here?"

"Oh, just... you know," Ford laughed awkwardly. "Can I ask you something?" Dipper nodded and Ford sat beside him on his bed. "Did you know? I mean, growing up, did you ever feel... different?"

"Well yeah. I'm deaf and trans," Dipper said. Ford nodded, glancing away. "Plus, I have this really weird birthmark- it's how I got my nickname. Which then became my preferred name. And to be honest, I've been through a hell of a lot worse than this."

Ford smiled softly.

"Hey, listen, if you and Stanley want to go to my school, it's fine," he said.

"Ok. Thanks," Dipper chuckled.

"...So what happens now?" Ford asked.

"I can't switch families," Dipper said. "Lee means way too much to me; Ma and Grandma too. Plus, I'm sure you don't want to move to Oregon."

"Who's moving to Oregon...?"

"We have an uncle there," Dipper explained. "He said we could move in. My ma's two months behind on rent. She keeps losing her usual customers, and less and less people are calling in. I think we might actually have to go this time."

\-----

Ford leaned against the counter, talking on the phone while Dipper cooked.

"Yes, Dad, I know. I'm sorry," Ford said. "I'll see you in the morning."

He hung up as Cassandra came out to the kitchen.

"Well, nobody invited me to the party, but-" she froze upon seeing Ford.

"Grandma, this is Stanford," Dipper introduced. "Ford, this is... your grandma, I guess."

"Oh," Cassandra said softly, hugging Ford tightly.

"Oh, ok," Ford said, surprised. Cassandra pulled back, smiling.

"You look so much like your brother," she said.

"Brother- oh, yes," Ford nodded. "Well, identical twins usually do look alike..."

"That's her way of saying you're handsome," Stan said, winking. "As any identical twin brother of mine _would_ be." Dipper shoved him slightly. "Ah! What?"

Martha walked in and sighed in relief.

"You're here," she said. "Thank God. But you are in high school. What are you doing buying alcohol under any circumstances? You deserve to get arrested."

"You got arrested?" Stan asked, jaw dropping.

"Yeah..."

"No one tells us anything," Dipper huffed.

"And running off on your own?" Martha continued. "Do you know how panicked we were?"

"Damn, Sixer!" Stan laughed, slapping Ford on the back. "No wonder we're twins! You're way cooler than Dipstick over there."

"Hey!"

"Sixer...?" Ford said softly.

"So, Stanford, are you staying the night? Can I get you anything?" Martha asked.

"Yes, I'm staying," Ford nodded.

"Great! Maybe we could bond some more," Stan grinned.

"...Are you really moving to Oregon?" Ford asked Martha.

"I-I don't know yet," she answered. "We'll see."

"How am I supposed to get to know you all if you're so far away?" Ford asked sadly.

"We'll just have to make it work," Martha said. "But we _will_ make it work. You are stuck with two mothers whether you like it or not."

Ford laughed.

\-----

Ford walked into the house and to the kitchen, where Carly was reading the newspaper and drinking coffee. She gasped upon seeing Ford's hair, which was dyed red on top.

"Martha did it," he said quickly.

"Oh. Well it's very..." Carly hesitated.

"Temporary," Ford finished.

"Oh thank God," Carly sighed.

"It only lasts for a few days," he explained.

"Thank God," Carly smiled. "...honey, I love you. But you're still in trouble for that fake ID."

"I know," Ford laughed, accepting the hug his mother gave him. "...Mom?"

"Mm-hm?"

"You know that guest house that we never use?"

\-----

Martha lifted a box out of the moving van and carried it into the guest house.

"All this space!" She smiled. "My boyfriend will finally have a place to rehearse his garage band."

Carly looked at her husband in shock.

"We did say no rules," he said.

"She doesn't even have a boyfriend," Stan said. Carly chuckled nervously. Cassandra poked her head out of the upstairs window.

"Hi!" She called. "It's fantastic up here!"

"Who is that?" Carly asked.

"Absolutely lovely," Cassandra grinned. "I am so excited!"

"No, really, who is that?" Carly repeated. "Excuse me!"

Ford went back to the van to grab another box, only to see the boy from before.

"What are you doing here?" He asked in surprise.

"Not a rich white boy, huh?" The boy said, glancing at the guest house.

"It's a long story," Ford let out a laugh.

"By the way, that dude, Magritte- pretty trippy," the boy said. "What's with all the faceless guys? And the hat and the apple?"

"You... you looked him up," Ford said.

"Hot guys quote French to me in back alleys all the time," the boy shrugged. Dipper appeared from behind the van.

"Did you two meet?" He asked. "Ford, this is Dan. He's like my big brother."

"Not by blood, right?" Ford asked.

"No," Dipper shook his head.

"Ok. Good, cool," Ford said.

"Well, it was nice to meet you man," Dan smiled, carrying a piece of furniture into the house.

"See you around, Dan," Ford smiled back. Dipper snorted and grabbed a box. "What?!"

"Oh, Martha!" Carly called, stopping the other mom. "Uh, anything in the house is yours. The pantry, and the refrigerator, and we have a full bar-"

"I'm sober, Carly," Martha said shortly. "I've been sober for eleven and a half years."

"Oh, I-I didn't know," Carly said.

"Of course you didn't," Martha smiled, but there wasn't any joy in it. "We don't know anything about each other except that we raised each other's kids."

"Yeah, but I- I was just saying-" Carly began.

"Look, we agreed to this arrangement so I could get to know Stanford, you could get to know Dipper, and the twins could get to know each other," Martha said. "And frankly, I could use the free rent. But I'm sure you're about as thrilled to have me in your backyard as I am to be here. So let's make one thing clear: I will not enter your house without permission. And I assume you'll do the same for me. Hm?" Carly nodded. "Ok."

Ford watched Martha from a bit aways, standing with Mabel. Martha pulled things out of her car to take into the house.

"...so who do you think my dad is?" Ford asked.

"...I don't know," Mabel hummed. They watched as a car pulled up outside the guest house. Stan and Dipper came out to greet the driver.

 _Let's get some lunch,_ Dipper signed.

 _Pile in,_ Fiddleford signed back. He looked at Ford, who was watching the scene. _Who's that?_

"Me. In another life," Dipper said.


	2. American Gothic

Dipper woke up, sitting up and looking around his new room. He smiled, standing up to walk around. He looked out the window, seeing the pool just outside. Soon he joined his brother and mother downstairs, pouring out a bowl of cereal. There was a knock at the door and Martha motioned for him to answer it. Dipper nodded and opened the door, cereal box still in hand, to reveal Ford.

"Hello. So whenever we have my parents' biological son and my biological twin, mother, and grandmother living in the guest house, my mom likes to make a big fancy breakfast to make her feel like this is completely normal," Ford said a bit quickly. "Anyways, she made popovers and a lot of jams and juices. I'm supposed to invite you over."

Dipper looked back at his mom, confused.

 _Carly made popovers,_ Martha interpreted.

"I love popovers!" Dipper grinned.

"Are those those biscuit things?" Stan asked.

"Yes, they do resemble biscuits," Ford nodded.

"I'd love to, but I have to go to work," Cassandra said. She kissed Stan and Dipper's cheeks and then Ford's. "Bye."

Stan and Dipper looked at their mom for permission.

"Well go ahead," she allowed.

"I'll bring you one," Dipper said, handing over the cereal box. The boys left, Ford closing the door behind them.

"What the hell are popovers?" Martha asked herself.

\-----

Stan, Ford, and Dipper entered the main house, where the rest of the family was waiting in the kitchen.

"Hi! Come on in!" Carly invited. "Can I get you two anything? Juice or milk or tea?"

"How is it going over there?" Daniel asked. "It's not too hot, is it? The windows are opening ok?"

"You fixed them, right?" Carly asked her husband.

"Oh my gosh guys, hover much?" Ford asked.

"Everything is great, thank you," Dipper smiled after a moment as he and Stan sat down. Carly hummed happily as she poured them both juice.

"So who's thing is the glitter?" Stan asked, brushing a ton of the stuff off the table.

"Mine!" Mabel excitedly raised a hand. "I love glitter!"

Dipper eyed the glitter falling from the girl's hair.

"Yeah, I think I noticed a bit of it," he chuckled.

"A bit?" Stan and Ford said together.

"Haha, yeah," Mabel sighed happily. "That's one art style that's never really gone away..."

The conversation continued and grew as the others joined it. Stan and Dipper looked around at everyone, trying to keep up, but that was difficult with everyone talking all at once.

"Dipper, you want to make something?" Carly asked.

"...cook something?" Dipper questioned. Carly nodded. "Oh. Well, I'm not the _best_ cook, but I have some things I'm really good at making!"

"Oh he's smart, he's funny, he bakes, what doesn't he do?" Ford mumbled into his drink.

"You do lots of things too, honey," Carly assured.

"Mm-hm."

"So it's set, right?" Daniel asked. "Thursday, barbecue- you two, Martha, and your grandma?"

"Here's some rhubarb jam," Carly said, spooning it onto Stan and Dipper's plates. "Some people don't like it, but I love it. I make all kinds of rhubarb things. I make rhubarb syrup, rhubarb pies."

"You make the most amazing rhubarb flan," Daniel smiled, kissing her. Stan decided to give up on trying to follow the conversation and dipped a finger in the jam, tasting it.

"Mm, is this rhubarb?" He asked. The room fell into an awkward silence. "...I mean, it's good."

"Thank you," Carly smiled nervously. Fiddleford's car pulled up outside.

"Our ride's here, we gotta go," Dipper said. Him and Stan stood up, hurrying outside. The others followed them out. Fiddleford and another girl stepped out of the car to meet them. "Fidds, Bella, this is my... I mean, the people who-"

"Hi. Daniel Pines, nice to meet you," Daniel shook Fiddleford's hand.

"Carly," she did the same.

"Hello," Bella waved. Fiddleford signed to the two of them.

"He says it's really nice to meet you," Stan interpreted.

"This is Mabel, my... sister," Dipper said, motioning to the girl. "And this is Stanford."

"My brother," Stan said.

"I just go by Ford, though," Ford said.

"So how long have you all known each other?" Carly asked.

"About... seven? Eight years?" Stan guessed. 

"Although I've known Stan and Dipper for eleven," Bella said.

"So, can you...?" Daniel pointed at his ear.

"Yeah, I'm hearing," Bella nodded. "I met the twins in public school. But now, well, we don't really go to the same school. But we still hang out a lot!"

Martha came outside from the guest house, walking over and tapping on the hood of the car.

"Hey sweetie," she waved to Fiddleford and Bella. She passed Stan and Dipper their backpacks. "You better get going."

"Nice to meet you guys," Daniel said as the teens all got into the car. Fiddleford drove off.

\-----

Fiddleford arrived at Carlton after dropping Bella off at her school. Him and the twins got out of the car and began walking inside.

 _So how's it going?_ Fiddleford asked.

 _Fine,_ Dipper signed. Fiddleford gave him a look. _They have all these inside jokes and references I don't understand._

 _Of course you don't,_ Fiddleford signed. _You just met them._

 _Plus they all talk a mile a minute in different parts of the room,_ Stan added. _We're lost most of the time._

 _Sounds pretty normal for hearing people,_ Fiddleford shrugged.

 _Except they're not_ just _hearing people,_ Dipper signed. _They're our family._

\-----

"Oh, hey honey. Don't forget, 10:00 AM tomorrow we have a meeting with that malpractice attorney."

"Do we have to?" Carly sighed, tired from her run.

"Sweetie, every time I see Dipper, every time I think about what we missed out on, I go crazy," Daniel said.

"But is suing the hospital really gonna fix anything?" Carly asked.

"It'll make sure it doesn't happen to other parents," Daniel said.

"Come on, just admit you're angry," Carly said.

"Yes, I'm angry," Daniel agreed. "Can you please just come along?"

"Alright alright, fine," Carly sighed.

\-----

"So hey, what're you two doing later?"

"Studying for the quiz we have next week," Grenda said. "It's so dumb! The stuff just won't get in my brain!"

"Good thing Candy's here to help you, huh?" Mabel smiled. "Right, Candy?"

The two girls looked over at their friend, who was sitting with her head in her hand and staring off into space a bit.

"Hey, girl!" Grenda said loudly, snapping her fingers in front of Candy's face.

"Huh?" She jumped to attention. "W-what?"

"What's got ya all distracty, Candy?" Mabel asked.

"Is it a _booooooy_?" Grenda asked, grinned.

" _Mayyybe_ ," Candy giggled, turning red.

"Oooh! Candy's got a cru-ush, Candy's got a cru-ush!" Grenda and Mabel sung.

"Who is it?" Mabel asked.

"Details, details!" Grenda pressed.

"Well... his name is Dipper..."

"...oh."

"Is something wrong?" Candy asked, frowning slightly.

"N-no! Not at all!" Mabel faked a smile. "Nothing's wrong..."

\-----

There was a knock on the door as Martha tried desperately to peel away the wallpaper in the guest house. She sighed and went to open the door to see Carly.

"Hi, I just wanted to-" Carly's face fell when she saw the wallpaper. "Oh... It-it's fine. Totally fine."

"Yeah. Come on in," Martha invited, returning to the peeling.

"Thank you," Carly nodded, closing the door behind her. She looked around at the mess of furniture and boxes. "Wow. ...So Bella and Fiddleford seem sweet."

"Yeah, they're the best," Martha agreed.

"And... you don't worry about him dr-?"

Carly was interrupted by Martha's phone beeping.

"Sorry, a customer," she said, looking at the message.

"So, uh, I wanted to tell you that we have a barbecue every Thursday," Carly began. "It's a sort of tradition we have since we redid the patio. And I-I was just wondering if you and Cassandra wanted to... join us." She ran a finger through a sprinkling of glitter on the wall trimming. "I-It's just right out there. I mean, if you're just home..."

"It would be impossible for me not to go," Martha said.

"A-and sorry about all the... glitter," Carly said, brushing the stuff off on her pants. "Mabel had a thing a few years back, she went around both houses throwing glitter everywhere. We still haven't been able to get rid of it."

"Oh, it's fine," Martha waved it off. "It adds a nice bit of color."

\-----

Carly hurried into the house and to Daniel's office.

"Honey," she spoke.

"What's going on?" Daniel asked.

"She's tearing that place apart- literally," Carly said. "She's ripping the wallpaper off!"

"Are you having second thoughts?" Daniel smiled.

"Yes," Carly sighed. "We asked this woman we barely know to move in. Maybe we should have tried something else before sharing patio furniture."

"So what do you wanna do?" Daniel asked. "Undo it?"

\-----

Fiddleford sat on the edge of the fountain outside the school, reading a book. He looked up when Candy timidly approached him.

"Hi, do you speak English?" She asked.

 _No, Korean,_ Fiddleford joked.

"I-I'm sorry," Candy turned a bit red. "Um, I am looking for Dipper." She signed Dipper's name. Fiddleford paused before standing up and motioning for her to follow him. "Thank you."

Fiddleford led her to where Dipper was sitting. He tapped the boy's shoulder and he looked up.

"Hello. I'm Candy," she greeted. "We met at Buckner. I think you were on a tour. And I thought I would be seeing you around school...?"

"Yeah, I decided to stay here," Dipper said.

"Oh," Candy nodded. "I just- I thought you seemed very cool." She sat down at the table. "And there is only one deaf high school in Kansas City, so I thought..."

"I'm glad you found me," Dipper smiled. He turned to Fiddleford, who was waiting nearby.

 _It's cool, I know her,_ he signed.

 _Alright. Call if you need me,_ Fiddleford nodded, walking off.

"Your bodyguard?" Candy guessed.

"My second one," Dipper laughed. He spotted the pin on Candy's shirt. It was a bubblegum pink and said 'Chiu's Sweets' on it. "Oh, I love that place! Their cotton candy is so good."

"That is my mom's store," Candy smiled.

"No," Dipper said disbelievingly.

"It's true! Chiu's Sweets, Candy Chiu," Candy said.

"No way!" Dipper gaped. "I can't believe it!"

"And in fact, my cotton candy? Even better than my mom's," Candy boasted.

"Do you really cook?" Dipper asked.

"Do I cook?" Candy laughed. "Oh, I will take you down in the kitchen! Wait, that sounded bad..."

Dipper laughed.

"Do you wanna hang out some time?" He asked.

"I'd love to!" Candy beamed.

\-----

"One hour, Mom! What is one hour gonna matter?"

"Stanford, you are grounded," Carly repeated. "Which means no leaving the house except to go to school. You know that."

"I just want to go to the library!" Ford groaned.

"You should think about that next time you break the law," Carly said, moving to the sink. Ford rolled his eyes. "Don't you roll your eyes at me!"

"Really, what's the big deal?" Ford asked.

"It's four more days," Carly said. "I think you can handle it."

Ford looked out the window, spotting Martha heading inside the guest house, and got an idea.

\-----

Ford knocked on the door; after a minute, Martha answered.

"Hello. So you know that whole 'It's my body' speech you were giving while we dyed my hair?" Ford asked.

"...Yes."

"So my parents grounded me for a week due to the fake ID situation, and I was thinking you'd have a calmer attitude about it?" Ford said hopefully.

"...Uh-huh."

"I mean, kids have to be free to make their own mistakes and be treated like adults and, you know, be trusted," Ford continued quickly. Martha stared at him and folded her arms. "And I already have a court date so it's not like I'm just getting off free, and what is being stuck here going to teach me, you know?"

"Wait wait wait," Martha interrupted. "Are you telling me you're stuck here in that house for a whole week?"

"Yes," Ford nodded.

"With nothing but your pool, your tennis courts, your computer, your art studio, and your science lab?" Martha finished.

"...this is a rhetorical question, isn't it?" Ford squinted.

"I'll tell you a secret," Martha said. "If it had been me picking the punishment, I would have grounded you for a _month_. And no screens."

Ford remained silent.

\-----

Candy got in her car and drove off, waving goodbye to Dipper. He happily waved back as Stan and Fiddleford came over to him.

 _...What?_ He asked at their looks.

 _Nothing,_ Fiddleford shrugged. _She's sweet._

 _And it's nice to see my brother having a crush,_ Stan playfully grabbed Dipper and noogied his hair. Dipper struggled to escape the hold, laughing.

\-----

Ford sat in his art studio, working on a sketch. Martha walked over to him, holding a paint roller.

"Now there's a boy who looks like he's ready to do some serious manual labor," she smiled.

"You... actually want me to help you?" Ford questioned.

"Well, I'm going to be livin' with this color for a long time," Martha said. "Figured I should probably get a second opinion. Please?"

Ford smiled.

\-----

Mabel poked her head into the guest house, holding a bowl of chocolate mix in her hand. Some glitter fell from her hair into the bowl.

"Hello?" She called. "I was just hoping to get some sugar! We're all out..." She quietly moved around the house, looking at everything. "Actually not really, I just needed an excuse to say hi."

She looked at the kitchen and everything that had been unpacked so far. She didn't notice Dipper until he tapped her shoulder. She squeaked, immediately jumping into a defensive karate move.

"Woah, hey!" He held his hands up.

"Oh, I'm so sorry!" Mabel gasped. "Please don't tell anyone, I-I really shouldn't have been-"

"It's ok," Dipper laughed. "Go ahead, look around." He set his backpack on the floor by the door. "Stan's probably over bugging Ford or something. Mm."

He stuck a finger in the chocolate mix.

"Hey!" Mabel said. He looked at her as he licked the chocolate off.

"What?" He asked, dipping his finger in again.

"Don't, that's so gross!" Mabel squealed, lunging at him.

"Oh, gross?" Dipper asked, taking the bowl and acting like he was about to spit in it.

"No, don't you dare!" Mabel cried. "Dipper! No no no!"

"Mabel!" Martha called from the door. The twins spun to look at her and saw Ford standing timidly behind her. "Mabel, is he bothering you?"

"Yes!"

"No!"

"Good, he has a lotta years to make up for," Martha smiled.

"That's it? You're not gonna help?" Mabel laughed.

"That's what big brothers do," Martha shrugged.

"Actually, if it's Dipper and me who are switched, he'd be younger than Mabel," Ford spoke up. "By five minutes."

"What?!" Dipper yelled as Mabel cackled. "Oh, no fair!"

"Alpha twin, alpha twin!" Mabel chanted.

"No no, _I'm_ the alpha twin!" Dipper argued. "I'm... older than Stan..."

"By...?" Ford grinned.

"Fifteen minutes..."

"Whoo! I'm an alpha twin!" Ford cheered. Martha laughed. Dipper, still holding the bowl, hurried out of the house.

"Dipper, you give that back!" Mabel cried, chasing after him.

\-----

After Dipper and Mabel had cleared out, Ford and Martha got to work on painting the walls. Well, Ford painted the slanted ceiling while Martha unpacked.

"Damn, some of this stuff in better than the permanent collection at the Kemper!" Ford said, watching as Martha pulled decor out of boxes.

"Yeah, I've got three customers who pay me in trade," Martha chuckled. "It's great for the decor, not so much for the pocketbook. Although this one, I did." She pulled out a colored skull-looking piece. "My Mexican folk art phase."

"Oh, I had one of those," Ford nodded. "It's so beautiful. But I guess in the end I always go back to traditional sketches."

"Ah, yes," Martha nodded. "The simple things can be some of the best."

Ford watched as she pulled out a small glass dish filled with chips and set it on the coffee table.

"What are those?" He asked.

"My A.A chips," Martha answered. Ford's arm lowered from the ceiling. "You earn 'em- 24 hours sober, 30 days, six months, and every year after that."

"...Could I-?" Ford pointed at them.

"Go right ahead," Martha said. He stepped down from the ladder and picked up one of the chips, looking them over. Martha sat down as she watched him. "Ask me anything you want."

"So... you were an alcoholic," Ford said.

"No. I _am_ an alcoholic," Martha corrected. "Always will be. That's why I put them there. So I see them and remember how hard they were to earn. Because I'm not goin' back. And that's," she took the chip back, "why I would have been harder on you for the alcohol."

"I-I don't get it..." Ford said softly.

"You don't have the luxury of a couple beers now and then," Martha said. "Because if you're anything like me, or your father, pretty quickly that couple of beers becomes a six-pack, and then that six-pack is all you think about. It happened to my dad, it happened to me, and I'm gonna do everything in my power to make sure it doesn't happen to you or Stanley."

The room was silent until a knock on the door brought Martha to answer. She opened it to see Dan.

"Hey," she greeted.

"Hey. I thought I'd just come by and drop this stuff off," Dan said, holding out a handful of mail.

"Dan, that is so sweet!" Martha smiled, looking through the mail. She glanced up to see him watching Ford, who had intently returned to painting. "Especially considering it's some coupons and a bunch'a junk jail."

"Hey," Dan waved.

"Hello," Ford said shortly, attempting to hide his face.

"...I'm gonna run out to the car real quick and get the rest of the, um..." she looked between Dan and Ford, "stuff."

She hurried outside, leaving the two boys alone.

"S-so what do you think?" Ford asked, motioning to the black paint.

"Um... yeah, it's not my thing, but if I ran around telling guys I just met that I was an eggplant, that's the color I'd want my walls to be, too," Dan said.

"I'm never going to live that down, am I?" Ford sighed.

"So how much is Martha paying for this place, anyway?" Dan asked.

"Nothing," Ford answered. "Again with the, ah..."

"Mysterious long story?" Dan smiled.

"Kind of."

"Well, if there's another three-bedroom guest house here on the property that you guys are just handing out to random strangers, I'm totally up for it," Dan shrugged.

"Got it," Ford nodded. "Hey, quick question: are you going to be stopping by daily to drop off Martha's mail or just popping by to, I-I don't know, hang up pictures?"

"I-I was just passing by-" Dan laughed.

"You were just passing by Mission Hills?" Ford raised an eyebrow. "Really?"

"Yeah, and I thought they could use-"

"Their 20 cents off coupon for Jell-o," Ford finished.

"It's 75 cents off, actually," Dan responded.

"Oh," Ford nodded.

"It all adds up, you know," the older boy smiled. "Not that you would know anything about that."

He turned to leave.

"Oh no, wait, what if they need you to move some furniture?" Ford asked playfully.

"Bye, Eggplant," Dan teased.

"Or kill a spider?" Ford added. "You're so helpful!"

He smiled at Dan as he left.

\-----

"So it's like an open-and-shut case, right?"

"Well, there's no question they were negligent," the attorney said. "And you're entitled to recovery for the emotional distress of being denied the opportunity to raise your real son."

"I-I think..." Carly interrupted, "they say 'biological'."

"Right," the attorney nodded. "The hospital wants this to go away quietly."

"That's what we want, too," Daniel agreed. "We want to put this behind us and focus on the boys."

"Good, because the cases I've seen where the different sides pursue separate lawsuits, pointing the finger at how the other kid was raised- it never ends well," the attorney said.

\-----

"And then you hit the igniter, but do not lean over to see if the igniter is working, because poof! You'll singe off all your facial hair. I've done it, it's not pretty."

"It's actually a very effective way of shaving," Ford spoke up. The family was out on the patio at night, and Daniel was teaching Dipper how to grill.

"What, burning your hair off?" Dipper asked.

"Well, fire, yes," Ford nodded. "It's a lot quicker."

"I have a very big secret for you here," Daniel continued his lesson. "Now I know you're a vegetarian, but someday you might be cooking for some girl. You never know."

Carly and Mabel came up to the table with dishes of food. Carly and Daniel watched as Martha's car pulled in and she got out. The couple glanced to each other and seemed to nod in agreement. They went over to the other mom together.

"Hey, Martha. Can I help you with that?" Daniel pointed to the grocery bag Martha was carrying.

"Uh, no thanks," she turned the offer down. "I'm good."

"Hey listen, you have a second?" Daniel asked.

"Is there a problem?" Martha questioned.

"No, no problem," Daniel said. "We just wanted to let you know that we spoke with an attorney about that lawsuit against the hospital. And uh, we didn't know what you were planning on doing, but she said that we'll have a much stronger case if we all go in together."

"Ok," Martha nodded. "Thanks. I'll think about it."

"Hey guys!" Dipper called. "Dinner's ready!"

\-----

The table sat in an extremely awkward silence. As Carly set the last few dishes down, Martha cleared her throat.

"Let's get this thing started, shall we?" She spoke.

\-----

 _'Well that was a disaster,'_ Stanford thought miserably. It had taken about five minutes for the table to dissolve into arguments, and six in total for Martha, Stan, and Dipper to bail. He had hoped that maybe the barbecue would help settle the tension that had made its way into the families, but it only seemed to have ignited it further. 

These were the thoughts on Ford's mind as he made his way to Mabel's garage, where the sound of an upbeat guitar song was playing. He tilted up the garage door, revealing his sister inside.

"Hey," he said. "I'm going out. Could you cover for me?"

"Are you ok?" Mabel asked.

"I just... need some space," Ford said. He left, leaving Mabel alone to watch after him.

\-----

Cassandra angrily entered the guest house, where Martha was sitting at the counter.

"Martha-" she began.

"Stan and Dipper already yelled at me," she cut her off. Cassandra sighed, sitting beside her daughter. "What if I can't do this?"

"You taught your deaf sons to believe they could be president, but you can't handle living next to the Pines's?" Cassandra questioned.

"Stan and Dipper are _mine_!" Martha argued. "I've done a damn good job raising them."

"Of course you have!"

"I don't wanna share them," Martha sighed. "I have never had to discuss with anyone on how to raise them and I don't like it. And let's face it! They have so much to offer them that I can't give them. A dad, opportunities, that house-"

"That's not true," Cassandra said.

"It is true!" Martha argued. "I feel like I have to defend my territory, as stupid as that sounds."

"It's not stupid," Cassandra said softly.

\-----

Ford knocked on the door, and after a minute, Dan answered.

"I need a lookout," Ford said after a pause.

"A lookout?" Dan repeated.

"I'm putting a poster up, and I need someone to watch out and make sure no cops are coming," Ford explained. Dan laughed.

"That's a worse pickup line than 'I stopped by to drop off the mail'," he said, folding his arms. Ford chuckled.

"Come on."

\-----

Dipper and Candy stood in a music store, talking and looking through the CDs.

"So except that you like cotton candy and you have two personal bodyguards, I do not know anything about you," Candy said.

"You know that I like Babba," Dipper said.

"Come on, I want to know everything," Candy whined. "Where you live, how many siblings you have..."

"You know what would be really awesome?" Dipper said after a pause. "If we could just talk about music. Nothing serious or personal, just for tonight. Please?"

"Ok," Candy smiled. "I can do that. What do you think of the Glowing Shrubs?"

"...what was that?" Dipper asked.

"Glow-ing Shrubs," Candy repeated.

" _Ohhhh_!" Dipper said. "Glowing Shrubs."

"So lip-reading is not an exact science, then?" Candy asked.

"Hardly," Dipper chuckled. "But it gets easier once I know someone. I learn the mouth, the way their lips form certain words."

"So you are an expert on my lips?" Candy giggled.

"Not yet," Dipper blushed and smiled, turning back to the CDs.

"Do you ever spy on people?" Candy asked. "Like across the room and eavesdrop on what they are saying?"

"You're not getting this," Dipper laughed. He looked up towards the loft above the first floor of the shop. He smiled at Candy. "I have an idea."

\-----

Dan and Ford approached the wall full of art, each holding supplies for the poster.

"Ok, so this needs to go up there," Ford pointed.

"You're allowed to cover them up?" Dan asked.

"Not the mural," Ford said. "There's sort of an unspoken rule about those, I guess. Although Mabel had to explain to me most of the rules. There's apparently a lot when it comes to graffiti. Posters can be covered up if they're coming apart already, for instance. Or if you're working on a space someone has already tagged, you answer it. Here, hold this." He handed over a rolled-up poster paper. "It's kind of like... these two. See, it looks like this guy is shooting him, but you can tell that it's two different artists." He looked at a painting of a girl next to a sign saying 'If you want to achieve greatness stop asking for permission.' "I love his work. I've never met him, but he always uses a lot of masks and helmets. Stuff about conformity- it's really inspiring." He looked back at Dan, who was watching him fondly. "Um, anyways- let's stir some glue!"

They mixed the glue together and Ford put the poster up. It was of a boy with a rainbow circling around him. Although there was no detail to the face, he looked shy and insecure, and it looked almost personal.

"You know, this is the strangest first date I've ever been on," Dan said. Ford blushed and fumbled a bit with the poster, but kept his gaze locked on the wall. "So what's with the rainbow boy, anyways?"

Ford remained silent as he finished putting up the poster. He stepped back, wiping his hands off on his pants.

"My sister and I, we sort of have a... collection of these," he began to explain. "Of these queer posters and outlines. They're based on people we know. This one is... me."

\-----

Dipper held the music-playing headphones out to Candy.

"Ready?" He asked.

"Yes I am," Candy smiled. Dipper set the headphones over her ears. He said something and Candy watched his lips. "I eat toenails?" Dipper shook his head. "No?" He repeated the phrase. "Hi... I like no nuts!"

"Yes, totally!" Dipper said as Candy removed the headphones.

"Really?"

"No!"

They both laughed.

"I said 'I like donuts'!" Dipper told her.

"Ohhhh!" Candy giggled. "This is so hard! I have no idea how you do this."

"See, that's why I never hang out with hearing girls," Dipper joked. "Too much of a headache."

"Do you know why I do not hang out with deaf guys?" Candy asked.

"'Cause you've never met one before," Dipper said.

"That's right," Candy smiled.

\-----

"What if we were wrong?"

"About what?" Daniel asked.

"About having a say over Dipper," Carly said. "Sure, he's our blood, but what does that count for? We're not royalty. We raised Stanford, he's our child, but Dipper-"

"Wait, sweetie, hold on," Daniel interrupted as he sat up to turn off the TV. "Did I miss something? Wh-what happened?"

"Stanford started defending Martha, and it got me thinking," Carly said, sitting on the couch. "I get why she's so pissed. Suddenly she has to defend her parenting style to a pair of strangers."

"Well yeah. I mean, we have to set some kind of precedent here," Daniel said.

"I just... I don't think this is the right way," Carly said.

"Well, obviously this arrangement isn't working," Daniel began. "So maybe we should get, I don't know, a family attorney to draw up some documents giving us the legal authority to make decisions on Dipper's behalf-"

"Do you know how this is gonna end up?" Carly interrupted. "Some horrible custody battle like my parents had. I'm not doing that to the kids."

"So what do we do?" Daniel asked. "Just like Martha do whatever the hell she wants with our son?"

"She's done a really good job so far," Carly said. "Especially considering everything she's had to deal with."

"If you had had to raise two deaf kids the way Martha has, you would've done a great job too," Daniel said. Carly smiled and looked down.

"Thank you," she said quietly.

"But we're not gonna give up," Daniel said. "No way."

\-----

"Who buys those things?" Dipper asked as him and Candy exited the music store.

"Records?" Candy asked.

"Yeah!" Dipper nodded.

"Nobody I know," Candy shrugged. Two of Candy's friends ran up to them, yelling excitedly. "Hey, guys!"

"Hey, wassup?!"

"Guys guys guys, this is Dipper," Candy introduced. "Dipper, this is Lee and Nate."

"Hi," Dipper smiled.

"Oh hey dude, you got something in your ear," Lee pointed.

"Oh, it's a hearing aid," Dipper explained. "I'm deaf."

"You're what?" Lee shouted.

"Wow, Lee, you are hilarious," Candy rolled her eyes.

"Hey Chiu, nice going," Nate laughed. "Taking a deaf guy to a music store. Genius."

"Hey, so do you do that uh, stuff?" Lee asked, moving his hands around.

"Yes, sign language," Dipper nodded. "I do."

"You know, you talk really good, 'cause there was this deaf kid in our school when we were little, and he used to talk like," Nate changed his voice to mimic it, "'Hello, my name is-'"

"Hey, knock it off," Candy shoved him. "That is not cool."

"What?"

"Hey, come on, we're just playing," Lee said. "He's cool, he knows that." He turned to look at Dipper, who was obviously becoming uncomfortable. "So show us how to say something. Like how do you say 'doing the nasty'?"

"Hey, come on," Candy frowned.

"What? I wanna learn how to hook up with a deaf kid too!" Lee defended himself.

"Come on man, show us," Nate agreed.

"Fine," Dipper sighed, and signed 'I am a douchebag.'

"Oh, like that?" Lee copied the sign.

"Exactly," Dipper nodded. "Just keep doing that."

"Alright! I'm doing it!"

"Imma do that to a girl when I go to the club!"

"Alright, how about you two just cut it out?" Candy folded her arms. Dipper checked his phone.

"It's my friend," he said. "I gotta run."

\-----

"So you have a ton of these, just for queer people you know?"

"Yeah," Ford nodded, looking at the poster. "We thought 'Hey. You rarely see LGBT rep in media. Why not make our own for kids to look up to?' and so... voila."

"Hm," Dan nodded. "That's sick, dude."

"Sick- oh. Yeah, it is pretty cool," Ford smiled. "...Dan? How did you know I was gay?"

"Well... you just sort of gave off that vibe," Dan shrugged. "The one only other gay dudes can pick up."

"...oh," Ford smiled.

"Alright, I gotta work in the morning," Dan said as he stood up. "And you should probably get home."

"Ugh, home," Ford rolled his eyes.

"'Oh, I'm so bummed, I have to go back to my mansion'," Dan teased.

"Oh, shut up," Ford said in the same tone of voice, accepting Dan's hand to help stand up.

"No, look, you don't get to complain," Dan laughed.

"Did I or did I not just spend 45 minutes telling you the insanity that is my life?" Ford asked.

"Come here," Dan said. They stepped closer together. "You have three parents fighting over you. That's three more than I have."

"I-I know, I..." Ford looked around a bit. "Just- gah! Why did this have to happen? I was freakish enough already, now I get to add 'switched at birth and separated from my real twin' to my list of attributes that make me so weird!"

"Well then what would you have to draw about?" Dan asked.

"...you really do listen to me," Ford said softly.

"Yeah, I listen," Dan smiled. "And y'know what? If this whole switch thing hadn't happened, we never would have met."

Ford looked up at Dan, and when the other leaned in, Ford met his lips.

\-----

Dipper sat on the curb, looking around as he waited. Soon, Stan pulled up in his car. Dipper stood up, getting in the passenger seat. The car didn't move, since Stan was looking at the other boy.

 _What?_ Dipper asked.

 _I'm just wondering what happened,_ Stan signed. _You seemed to really like Candy._

 _...I don't want to talk about it,_ Dipper looked forward, refusing to meet Stan's eyes. After a minute, the car drove off.

\-----

Ford was sneaking back into the yard when Stan and Dipper pulled up. He quickly hid in the bushes, peaking out to watch them. They got out of the car and Ford slowly approached them.

"I thought you were grounded," Dipper said.

"I am," Ford nodded. The other two smiled.

"So that was a fun dinner," Stan said sarcastically.

"Yeah, I don't think our parents like each other very much," Ford said, folding his arms.

"Maybe this whole thing was a bad idea," Dipper sighed. "I kinda thought we'd all be this... well, not a big, happy family, but at least better than... this."

"I didn't really think it would be easy, but I definitely didn't think it would collapse this quickly," Ford rubbed his arm.

"Yeah, that's Mom," Stan shrugged. He smiled at Ford. "Our mom."

Ford chuckled.

"I don't think this will ever stop being weird," he said.

"No," Stan laughed. "Well, goodnight.

"Goodnight," Ford replied. Stan and Dipper headed back inside. Ford went around the side of the house to a window and pushed it open, quietly sneaking back into the house. He froze when Daniel entered the room.

"...Oops."

"Oops is right," Daniel nodded.

"The front door beeps, the window doesn't," Ford explained pathetically. "And I assumed you'd be asleep by now..."

"Stanford-"

"I wasn't doing anything immoral or illegal or dangerous," Ford said. "I just- I really needed to get out of the house for a bit. That whole dinner was-"

"Was a complete disaster," Daniel finished. "I know."

"I know this whole thing is my fault," Ford sighed.

"How could this be your fault?" Daniel looked confused. "You were like, nine hours old when it happened."

"But I made you take the DNA tests and let them move in," Ford said. "I keep pushing for these things to happened, but maybe if I had just left everything alone..." He shook his head. "We all wanted this to work, but if you and Mom and Martha can't, we'll just have to live with that."

"We're trying, Stanford. Honest," Daniel said. He led Ford to the stairs. "Don't tell your mother I caught you. Get up to your room."

\-----

Stan and Dipper walked into the guest house, seeing Martha sitting on the couch. She looked at them and patted the cushion beside her.

"Come here," she said.

"We're ok," Dipper said.

"Well I'm not," Martha told them. "Sit."

The two boys sat down and let their mom pull them into a hug.

"We never used to fight," Martha said when they pulled apart.

"I know," Dipper said.

"I think this whole thing is harder than we thought it would be," Stan said.

"I'm sorry. I'll stop being so difficult," Martha promised.

"It's not just you, but thank you," Dipper smiled.

"You are being pretty difficult," Stan mumbled. Martha chuckled.

"C'mere, you," she said, pulling them both into another hug.

\-----

The next morning, Martha knocked on the kitchen door. Daniel looked up from his newspaper.

"Hey! Hey, come in," he waved.

"Hi," Martha said.

"It's funny, I was gonna come over myself this morning," Daniel said. "Um... I caught Stanford sneaking in at midnight last night. So I'm thinking, y'know, if I can't control one teenage boy, how the hell am I supposed to look after two? Right?"

"Yeah, it's difficult," Martha chuckled. Carly entered the room, pausing when she saw Martha.

"Hey..."

"Sorry for just barging in," Martha said. "I uh, I wanted to tell you something. I'm sorry. About last night. The thing is, for years I wished for someone to bounce this kind of stuff off of. And now there is. And, uh..."

"It's hard," Carly smiled.

"It's going to be so crowd- ohhhh," Ford and Mabel froze as they entered the room. "Mabel, back away slowly."

There was a knock on the door and Stan and Dipper entered.

"Is it safe?" Dipper asked.

"No one's killed each other yet," Martha laughed.

"Come on in," Carly invited.

"...we need to tell you guys something," Stan said. "We speak really well, so sometimes hearing people forget or don't really understand-"

Dipper pointed at his ears.

"Nothing," he said. "So we need you to speak slower, look at us when you talk, and be patient."

There was a pause before the others all spoke in agreement.

"I'm sorry," Carly smiled sheepishly. She gave Dipper a quick hug.

"It's ok," he smiled. "And this is the sign for 'glitter'." He showed Mabel. "And, we've decided, your sign name."

"Glitter!" Mabel copied it, grinning. "Oh my gosh, I love it! It looks so pretty!"

"Well, you always have glitter on you," Stan motioned to the glitter in the girl's hair. "So we thought..."

Martha tapped their shoulders as Fiddleford pulled up in his car outside.

"That's our ride," Dipper said. "See you after school."

"We should get going, too," Ford said. They said goodbye as they all headed out.

"Oh, one more thing," Martha said to Daniel and Carly before they left. "I'm not interested in pursuing that lawsuit."

"I don't think you understand," Daniel said. "The lawyer works on a contingency, which means that we don't have to pay any money."

"I understand perfectly," Martha said. "I'm just not one of those people that sues someone when they spill hot coffee on themselves."

"But we're not talking about hot coffee," Daniel said. "We're talking about kids."

"We have to protect other parents," Carly spoke. "Make sure that the hospital doesn't-"

"I don't think that's my job," Martha interrupted.

"But the money could be so helpful-"

"I'm not interested," Martha said sternly. "Ok?"

"Ok," Daniel nodded. 

"I'll see you all later," Martha smiled.

"Yeah, see you," Daniel waved as she left. He closed the door and turned to face Carly. "She needs that money. I mean, she deserves that money."

"...I think she might be hiding something."


	3. Portrait of My Father

Stan, Ford, Dipper, and Daniel were caught up in a game of basketball. They were all yelling and shouting as they played, Stan and Ford vs Daniel and Dipper. The ball bounced against Mabel's art garage, causing her to look away from her art project. She sighed.

"Come on, guys," she said to herself, heading outside. "Uh, hi! Hello! I was wondering if you guys could try to keep it down? Or maybe miss your shots somewhere other than my garage wall? It's just- I'm working on a thing, so..."

"Sorry, I didn't realize we were being so loud," Dipper said.

"It's ok," Mabel smiled. The four of them returned to their game and Stan shot, but missed.

"Ok, listen to me," Daniel said. "You're short-arming it, and you want to extend your elbow. Make sure the thumb on your guide hand is pointed at your forehead."

Stan nodded as Daniel handed him the ball. Using his advice, Stan shot and got the ball in the basket. They cheered and Mabel watched them happily as she went inside.

In the house, the doorbell rang and Carly hurried to answer it.

"Oh hi, Gillian!" Carly greeted.

"As soon as I heard you were running the fundraiser, I had to stop by," the woman said, holding a vase. "I've been meaning to donate this."

"Oh, thank you!" Carly smiled.

"So how's the planning going?" Gillian asked as they walked to the kitchen. "I know Denise set the bar so high. That medieval theme was so original."

"Yeah, but the jousting got a little out of hand," Carly said. Gillian laughed. She looked out the window, spotting Martha exiting the guest house.

"Oh! Is your new maid a live-in?" She asked. Ford and Mabel looked over from the fridge. "That explains the car pulling in and out of your driveway."

"No no, she's not a maid," Carly said.

"Who is she?" Gillian asked.

"Yeah Mom, who is she?" Ford repeated pointedly. Gillian looked at him then back at Carly.

\-----

The boys cheered and yelled loudly as Daniel made another hoop. Carly came outside, Ford and Mabel following behind her.

"Guys!" She said. "Guys, hey!" They settled down and looked towards her. Martha walked over too, digging through her purse. "Hey, sorry. We need to decide what we're gonna tell people about our... situation."

"Our situation?" Martha repeated, confused.

"Yeah, about you guys living here," Carly clarified.

"Some of Mom's friends are getting curious," Ford explained.

"Crazy idea," Martha began. "We could tell everyone our sons were switched at birth and this seemed like a good way to get to know them."

"I-I just don't want people weighing in while we're still trying to... figure things out," Carly said.

"Ooh! How about Dad is polyamorous and you and Martha are sister-wives?" Mabel suggested, raising her hand.

"Witness protection? We saw a mob hit?" Stan suggested.

 _Why can't we just tell the truth?_ Dipper asked his mom as the others continued with ideas.

"Ok I get it, you guys think I'm crazy," Carly said. "Let's just go with a vague version of the truth. Martha, Stan, and Dipper are... old friends, and... they're just staying here until they can get back on their feet. How does that sound? Is that ok?"

"Yeah, sounds good to me."

"Sure, why not?"

"Yeah, I guess that works."

"It's perfectly vague..."

Everyone began to split up. Ford followed Martha on her way to her car.

"Hey, I'm sorry about that," he said. "They're kind of... allergic to the truth."

"Seems like a lot of work, always worrying about what others think," Martha said.

"Heh, yeah..." Ford held his sixth finger in his hand. "Hey, so, speaking of the truth..." he hesitated slightly, "who's my father?"

"...oh," Martha said. "Wow."

"Y-yeah, I've sort of been wondering about that half of the equation," Ford rubbed the back of his head.

"It's... a guy who left when Stan and Dipper were real small and hasn't been in touch since," Martha said.

"Th-that's it?" Ford asked. "That's all you'll tell me?"

"...you want the truth?" Martha said. "The best thing that man did was leave. Our lives are better for it. And so is yours."

She walked off, leaving Ford alone.

\-----

Stan, Dipper, Bella, and Fiddleford were sitting outside a restaurant for lunch. Bella had a camera and was taking pictures of them all. The others made silly faces as she took the shots.

 _So they want you to tell some story about why you're living with them?_ Fiddleford asked.

"I know, it's crazy," Dipper rolled his eyes.

 _Are they embarrassed?_ Fiddleford asked. _About you?_

"I think they're more embarrassed for themselves," Dipper said.

"It's like they don't know how to be different," Stan agreed. Bella spotted Candy walking over to them.

"Somebody can't take a hint," she said, pointing. Dipper turned around to see her and groaned.

 _I got this,_ he signed. He stood up, walking over to meet Candy.

"Hey," Candy smiled. She held out a bag. "Cotton candy?"

"Your mom's shop delivers. Who knew?" Dipper said.

"Yes. We also have a mobile truck and I will be working it Friday night," Candy said. "You should come check it out."

"I think I'll pass," Dipper said.

"Oh," Candy frowned. "Not a big mobile candy shop fan?"

"Not a big fan of hanging out with a girl who doesn't defend me when her friends make fun of me," Dipper corrected.

"Well, I-I wasn't sure if you were mad," Candy said. "You just left."

"Yeah! Because I was mad!" Dipper said.

"Well, I-I just- I froze," Candy said. "I did not want to say the wrong thing."

"So not saying anything was so much better?" Dipper asked angrily.

"I didn't know what I should do!" Candy frowned.

"Exactly," Dipper said. He took the bag of cotton candy. "Thanks for the cotton candy."

He sat back down with his friends.

\-----

Martha approached Carly, who was getting into her car.

"Hey, if you see a short Latina woman with a zodiac purse and a map wandering around the neighborhood, could ya send her my way?" Martha asked.

"A friend of yours?" Carly asked.

"She's too irritating to count as a friend," Martha rolled her eyes. "She's a customer. She always comes once a month for her horoscope."

"You're telling fortunes here?" Carly asked.

"I did it at my old place, and when I moved here, so did my business," Martha said. "Most things are over the phone, but sometimes people come in for palm reading or horoscopes. That kind of thing."

"So you're operating a psychic place right here with customers from your old neighborhood?" Carly questioned.

"That's right," Martha nodded. "And feel free to stop by if you ever wanna know what secrets your future hold."

She winked and laughed before walking off.

\-----

Ford and Dan sat at a table together in a Mexican restaurant.

"I love this place," Ford smiled. "It's so... authentic."

"That's what rich people say when a place is rundown," Dan chuckled.

"You know what I mean," Ford rolled his eyes. "It just..." he looked around, "it feels real. Like, real people come here."

"Ah," Dan nodded. Ford looked towards a board covered in photographs.

"Are those people from the neighborhood?" He asked.

"Yeah," Dan nodded. "Yeah, that's us."

Ford stood up and walked over to look at the board. Dan followed him. Ford spotted a picture of Martha sitting with a young Stan and Dipper. If Ford didn't know any better, he would have sworn that it was actually him in the picture instead of Stan.

"Did you ever meet Stan and Dipper's dad?" He asked Dan. "My dad?"

"No, he took off before I moved in," Dan said.

"So they've never even mentioned him," Ford said.

"No, it's kind of a sore subject, I guess," Dan said.

"...if this whole thing hadn't happened, there would probably be a lot of pictures of me on this wall," Ford said. "Really, I'd have my own table, they'd know my order."

"They know everyone's order," Dan smiled, sitting back down with Ford. "They only serve tacos."

"Indulge me; I'm trying to figure out what my life might have been like," Ford rolled his eyes. "Who I might have been."

"Hm. Well you'd probably still be a giant nerd," Dan said.

"Oh, thank you, you're so sweet," Ford teased. They laughed.

\-----

Daniel walked into the Carlton gym, where Stan was playing a basketball game with the rest of the team. Dipper was reading in the bleachers again. Daniel watched Stan and the others play. After a minute, he turned to the teachers sitting in the bleachers.

"Does anyone on this team know how to pass?" He asked. "I mean, seriously? I have not seen a pass since I walked in this building." He walked over to sit down, which is when Dipper finally noticed him. "Who's the coach?"

"That would be Tate," a woman said, tapping the man's shoulder beside her. He looked up and at Daniel.

"Hi," he waved. "Would you tell him that Stan's open at the low post and his point guard is launching prayers from the three-point line?"

The woman signed that to Tate, who looked at Daniel in surprise.

"And who are you?" She interpreted. "Besides the pass police?"

"Oh, I'm, uh... a friend of Stan and Dipper's mom," Daniel said. "They're staying with us."

"Oh, you're a friend of Martha's."

"Yeah," Daniel nodded.

"I've never seen you around."

"Oh, we just recently reconnected," Daniel said.

"And they're staying with you?"

"Yeah, we um, we have a guest house, and we just..." Daniel looked at his watch. "I should- it's late, I should probably get going. It was nice to meet you."

"I can't let them leave with just anybody."

"Oh, I'm not just anybody," Daniel said. "I'm-"

"You're Daniel Pines. You dove into the dugout to catch a pop-up in the '96 ALCS game against the Red Sox."

"Hey, he's a baseball fan, alright," Daniel smiled.

"And you're Dipper's biological father."

"...uh, yeah," Daniel said after a pause. "How- how did you know that?"

"Martha tells me everything."

"He's mom's best friend, basically," Dipper finally spoke up. "Fiddleford's dad."

"Uh-huh," Daniel nodded. "I see. So you just let me blather on like an idiot for fun?"

"Pretty much!"

\-----

There was a knock on the door and Martha answered to see Carly.

"Hi," Carly smiled. "I was out shopping and I picked up a few things for Stan and Dipper. Could I come in?"

"Uh- sure, go ahead," Martha invited. Her eyes widened at seeing the five bags Carly was carrying. "A _few_?"

"Well, I've never shopped for them before, so I didn't know what size they were or what they liked, so..." Carly looked up as she set the bags on the couch, "I just got a bit of everything. ...I hope that's ok."

"So... you're asking my permission to shower my sons with clothes that I could never afford to buy them?" Martha asked, folding her arms.

"I-I just wanted to do something nice for them..." Carly shuffled her feet. Martha paused and sighed.

"I'm sure they'll love them," she answered.

"Thank you," Carly smiled.

"Is there anything else?" Martha asked.

"Um- I think I might take you up on that fortune-telling offer," Carly said. "You know, just for fun. I don't really believe all that stuff anyways, but..."

"I get it," Martha shrugged. "But you would not _believe_ the amount of people who fall for it."

She smiled.

\-----

Dan and Ford sat in the former's car as he tried desperately to start it up. Unfortunately, it wouldn't work. Dan sighed.

"This thing is a piece of crap," he said.

"Or, as my people say, 'authentic'," Ford joked. Dan chuckled. "It's getting late, though. If I miss my curfew, I'm back under house arrest. I should probably text my sister."

"Alright, hang on," Dan said, trying once more to start the car. He sighed again, sitting back. "I'm sorry."

"Hey, you were my guide through East What-Might-Have-Been," Ford smiled. "Don't be sorry."

"Well, is there anything else you wanna see while we wait?" Dan asked. "There's a Laundromat around the corner that's pretty sketchy."

"Yyyeah! Fine!" Ford laughed.

\-----

"So what's the deal with the girl in the braid who never runs?"

"Oh, that's Heather," Stan said. They were sitting in the car, with Dipper in the back. "Our nickname for her is lazy with an H."

"Lazy with an H?" Daniel chuckled. "I like that."

"Yeah," Dipper smiled. "...Hey, is there any way- I mean- I know you're really busy, but would you be able to come by practice again sometime?"

"I was thinking the exact same thing," Daniel smiled.

\-----

Ford and Mabel sat in the car as she drove them home. Ford looked at the amp in the backseat.

"So what does this amp do that you're other eight don't?" He asked.

"You know, I just drove halfway across town to pick you up," Mabel rolled her eyes playfully. "That should buy me a little less judgement."

"I'm just saying, doesn't our lifestyle seem a little... excessive?" Ford asked. "You know, compared to how real people live?"

"Wow, what a great thought," Mabel nodded. "Why don't you pull out your smartphone and tweet about your newfound love of social justice?"

Ford rolled his eyes and remained quiet. He squinted slightly as a pair of headlights passed them.

"...That's Dad's car," he said. "The only reason he let me out is because I promised I could keep curfew."

"Uh oh."

"...I'm so dead."

\-----

Ford and Mabel pulled into the driveway right after Daniel, just as him and the other twins were getting out.

"So what do you call the short girl who elbows everybody?" Daniel was asking.

"Crazy with a K," Dipper answered.

"But it has nothing to do with the elbowing," Stan added. Daniel laughed. He turned to see Ford and Mabel and waved at them.

"Hey guys! How was your night?" He asked.

"...Good," Ford answered. "Uh- Mabel, do you need help unloading that amp?"

"Sure!" Mabel grinned.

"Good night," Daniel said to Stan and Dipper before they all headed inside.

"...He totally forgot I have a curfew," Ford murmured.

\-----

Stan and Dipper entered their house, seeing Martha.

"Hey," Dipper waved.

"Hi," Martha greeted. "I hope it was ok that Daniel picked you guys up tonight."

"It's great," Stan said. "He said he could do it tomorrow too, if that's ok with you."

"Yeah, sure," Martha frowned slightly.

"We gotta do homework," Dipper said, leading his brother to their room. Stan groaned.

\-----

Daniel came into the kitchen, finding Ford going through the fridge.

"Oh, hey Stanford," he said. "Do you still have the results from that blood test thing you did at school?"

"You don't have to double check," Ford said. "It's pretty obvious I'm not your son."

"No no no, it's for the lawyer," Daniel explained.

"You need it for my fake ID case?" Ford looked confused.

"No, we're suing the hospital," Daniel said.

"You are?" Ford asked after a pause. "Why?"

"Well they made a giant mistake and they need to be held accountable," Daniel said.

"Heh- s-so you think getting stuck with me was a giant mistake?" Ford asked, his voice breaking slightly.

"No, that's not what I'm saying," Daniel assured.

"Ok, what are you suing them for, then?" Ford asked. "Damages and pain and suffering?"

"We're trying to teach the hospital a lesson," Daniel said.

"Yeah, and the lesson is 'Don't stick me with the freak'," Ford said, trying to not cry. He walked off, rubbing at his face.

"No, Stanford, come on," Daniel sighed. "Stanford!"

\-----

The next morning, Stan and Dipper were happily looking over the clothes Carly had gotten for them. Stan picked up a brightly-colored shirt and grimaced. Dipper held a shirt up in front of him.

 _What do you think?_ He asked his brother. Stan looked over.

 _It looks cool, but also like it might be a little tight?_ Stan sighed. Dipper looked at it.

 _Yeah, I think you're right,_ he agreed. Stan pointed at the desk and Dipper turned to see the interpreter phone ringing. He sat down and answered, seeing the interpreter on screen.

"Hey," he said.

"Hi, it's Candy. It's not like I did not get the hint, but I really think you should give me one more chance."

"Why?" Dipper asked.

"Because I am very sorry I acted so awful the last time we hung out," Candy said. "Could you emphasize 'really', please? And I would like to make it up to you."

"You know, the interpreter signs every word you say," Dipper grinned a bit.

"Wait, why didn't you tell me that?" Candy asked the interpreter. "Wait, do not sign that!"

"You really don't have this figured out, do you?" Dipper's smile grew.

"Look, could you just tell him- wait-" Candy sighed. "Do not sign 'him' like I'm talking to him in the third person, because that is rude. Anyway, Dipper, I know you are mad. But I do not want to give up just because it is kind of hard. And I do not think that you should, either."

"I don't think it's too hard, I'm just not interested," Dipper said before hanging up.

\-----

Mabel was coloring in her room when someone knocked on her door.

"Come in!" She called. After a pause, she frowned in confusion. She stood up, going to open the door. "I said come in!"

She opened the door to reveal Dipper standing on the other side, holding a small pile of brightly colored clothes.

"Hey. I hope I'm not bothering you," he said.

"Course not!" Mabel grinned. "What's up, bro-bro?"

"Uh, your mom got us a few things, and I think some of them were for you," Dipper said.

"Ohhhh, that explains the plain ol' t-shirts she gave me!" Mabel said. Dipper chuckled and passed the clothes over. Mabel set them on her bed before pulling a collection of different colored t-shirts from her closet.

"Hey, that's more my style!" Dipper smiled. He took the shirts and they stood awkwardly.

"Sooo how's it going?" Mabel asked.

"It's going good," Dipper nodded. "Your mom and dad have been so nice."

Ford suddenly appeared in the doorway, looking at Dipper.

"Oh good, you're here," he said. "I needed to talk to you."

"Sure, what's up?" Dipper asked.

"Have you, ah, ever talked to that guy who... contributed sperm to my existence?" Ford asked awkwardly. "I-I kind of wanted to know who he was..."

"...I-I don't think you do," Dipper hesitated. "Besides, I haven't exactly been in touch with him."

"Bu-but you must know something about him," Ford pressed. "Like-like his name."

"...He left when we were little," Dipper said. "What else do you need to know?"

"Everything, preferably," Ford smiled sheepishly.

"Look. He had no interest in being mine or Stanley's father, and I don't want to talk about him," Dipper said.

"He had no interest in being _your_ father," Ford said. "Maybe he'd feel different about me."

"Ford-" Mabel frowned.

"Why?" Dipper asked coldly. "Because you're hearing?"

"W-well-"

"Because even if that might be true, I wouldn't want a dad who left his other son because he's deaf," Dipper growled, shoving past Ford and out of the room. 

\-----

Ford knocked on the guest house door.

"Come in!" Cassandra called from inside. Ford opened the door and saw her doing yoga in front of the TV. "Hi honey!"

"Hello, Cassandra," Ford greeted. Cassandra turned off the TV.

"Do you need something?" She asked, continuing to stretch. Ford took a minute to work up the nerve.

"I would like to ask you a favor," he said.

"Anything," Cassandra smiled.

"I want to know about my father," Ford said. Cassandra looked at him.

"You already talked to Martha?" She asked.

"Yes. She, ah, doesn't seem to like him very much," Ford rubbed the back of his head. "Was he really that bad?"

"It's- it's a long story."

"Is he in prison?" Ford asked. "Is he a spy or something? Nobody will talk about him."

"He..." Cassandra looked unsure. "He was not good for Martha. If there's just any way you could drop this?"

"...so you can't even tell me his name?" Ford asked softly.

"I can't," Cassandra whispered.

\-----

Tate walked up the driveway with a woman, looking around. He spotted Daniel and waved, and he waved back.

"Hey," Daniel stood up and walked over. "Wow, a coach who makes house calls."

"Or," Martha said as she came running out of the guest house, "my best friends who are here for a visit."

She hugged Tate. Carly came outside to greet them.

"Hello," she said.

"This is Tate and Ayla, my friends, and Tate is Stanley's basketball coach," Martha introduced. "They're also-"

"Deaf, hard of hearing, but never hearing impaired," Daniel finished. Tate pointed happily.

"Um- I was going to say 'Fiddleford's dad and Bella's mom'," Martha said.

"And I'm not actually deaf," Ayla said.

"Oh! We love Bella and Fiddleford!" Carly said. "It's so nice to meet you both!"

"You too," Ayla smiled.

"Stanley and I were about to play Horse, if you'd care to join us or coach us?" Daniel offered to Tate.

"I'm just a guidance counselor filling in," Martha interpreted. "I've had enough basketball for one day."

Daniel nodded and gave a thumbs up.

"W-we're old friends with Martha," Carly began. "She's just staying here until-"

"They know the whole story," Martha interrupted.

"...oh," Carly said. There was an awkward pause. "Well, we're just trying to keep it quiet until we get used to it ourselves."

"Of course," Tate spoke.

"Sure," Ayla nodded. The door to the guest house opened and closed as Stan came out.

"Oh, hey!" Daniel waved him over.

"My place, right there," Martha said to Tate and Ayla. "Come on."

\-----

Daniel exclaimed as Stan shot for the basket and missed.

"H-O-R-S all around!" He said. "Ok, let's see what you've got."

"Could we finish this up tomorrow?" Stan asked.

"What, are you quitting on me?" Daniel scoffed.

"No, it's just- I kind of wanted to relax, I guess-"

"The only way to wrap this up is for you to make your shots," Daniel said. "Here we go, come on." Stan threw the ball and missed. Daniel made a buzzer sound. "Ok ok, watch this. Ready? Watch this."

He took the ball and attempted to make a shot, but he missed as well.

\-----

_So what's he like? Stanford?_

"He's smart, creative," Martha said thoughtfully. "Just a bit of a temper."

 _Sound familiar?_ Tate smiled.

"Yeah," Martha laughed.

"How are you two getting along?" Ayla asked.

"Oh, I haven't really gotten to know him yet," Martha said. "I'm taking it slow. Letting it happen."

 _You're scared,_ Tate signed.

"Oh, now don't get all guidance-counselory on me," Martha said.

 _What are you afraid of?_ Tate asked.

"Nothing!" Martha denied. Tate looked at her. "It's just... right now I'm the cool mom. Exotic, artistic, even a little heroic with my AA coins. You know, once he gets to know the real me..."

"You're afraid you'll disappoint him," Ayla finished.

"Fine," Martha smiled. "Proud of yourselves?"

\-----

"Oh, now that is what I call one sexy bartender."

Carly chuckled as Daniel entered the room.

"Beer, please," he requested.

"Still the reigning Horse champ?" Carly asked as she pulled out the drink.

"Yeah, it was a nail-biter, but I finally got him on the hook shot!" Daniel bragged.

"Works every time," Carly smiled.

"Yeah. You know, it's weird," Daniel said. "It is so easy with Stanley."

"I know."

"We just get along so well, I guess," Daniel said.

\-----

As Ford was sitting in his room, his phone began to ring. He looked at the screen before answering.

"Dan?" He said.

"Hey."

"Please tell me you're on your way," Ford begged.

"Not exactly," Dan said. "My foreman docked my pay today because I couldn't get to work, so now I can't buy the alternator I need."

"That authentically sucks," Ford frowned.

"I know," Dan said sadly. "I'm gonna have to bail. Sorry. I'll catch you later?"

"Yeah..." Ford nodded and hung up. He thought for a minute, glancing around.

\-----

"So what do you need this money for?"

"Books," Ford said shortly.

"Pretty expensive books," Mabel raised an eyebrow.

"They're, um- limited edition?" Ford lied poorly. Mabel seemed to see right through him.

"Hey, as long as you're not doing drugs," she hummed, handing over the money. "Go crazy."

"Thank you!" Ford grinned.

\-----

"I can't believe you haven't started your history paper yet!"

"Yeah yeah, I get it," Stan rolled his eyes as he pulled the paper out.

"You shouldn't have spent all night shooting baskets," Martha scolded.

"I couldn't just quit," Stan said.

"Why not?" Dipper asked. "It's just a game."

"Your dad," Stan looked pointedly at his brother, "is not a big fan of quitting."

"You know, you don't have to let him push you like that," Martha said.

"Eh, I don't mind," Stan shrugged. "That's what having a dad is like, right? I mean- not-not like he's my dad. But, er, y'know."

\-----

Dan was working on his car, the hood popped open as he looked inside. Ford walked up to him, smiling.

"Hey," Dan smiled, standing up straight. "What a nice surprise."

"It gets better," Ford said. He pulled out the money he had borrowed from Mabel and held it out. "Now you can get your alternator."

Dan frowned, looking around before back at Ford.

"I can't take that, Ford," he said.

"Of course you can," Ford said. "Here."

"Seriously? I'm not gonna take your money, dude," Dan said, a hint of anger in his voice. Ford appeared confused.

"You- you don't have to pay it back," he tried to explain. "It's a gift."

"I don't want it, ok?" Dan said. "Here in East Riverside, we don't have rich white boys bailing us out with Dad's money."

"I-I was just trying to help..." Ford seemed to shrink a bit.

"Well, you're gonna have to find yourself another charity," Dan said. "'Cause it's not me."

\-----

Stan, Dipper, Bella, and Fiddleford were sitting outside a restaurant while Bella showed them the pictures she had taken of them.

 _Oh, I like that one!_ Fiddleford pointed. Dipper's phone vibrated and he pulled it out, only to roll his eyes and shove it back in his pocket.

"Candy?" Stan asked, making an L shape against his forehead.

"Her name sign is not 'Loser'," Dipper said. Stan laughed. "So you would never date anyone hearing? Ever?"

"Don't think so," Stan shrugged. Bella suddenly became quiet.

 _You're telling me that if Brooklyn Decker asked you out, you'd say 'Sorry, I'm deaf, you're hearing, this can't work out'?_ Fiddleford asked.

"Brooklyn Decker, the Sports Illustrated model?" Stan asked.

 _That's the one,_ Fiddleford nodded. Stan hesitated. _I knew it._

"Well obviously she'd want to make passionate love to me many, many times," Stan began, grinning. Bella squirmed slightly in her seat, "but after that? It'd never work. She wouldn't understand my culture, my family, my perspective on the world. And that's everything. Fact is, my ideal girlfriend... is hot, funny, creative... and deaf. If I actually found her, I'd walk away from Brooklyn Decker in a heartbeat."

\-----

Mabel was playing guitar in her garage when Ford stopped inside.

"Hi, Ford!" Mabel grinned. "Doesn't it sound great? That's why I needed this one."

She affectionately patted the amp.

"Ha, needed," Ford said sarcastically. He held out the wad of cash. "Here's your money back."

"Decide no book is worth that much after all?" Mabel asked.

"I tried to give the money to Dan so that he could fix his truck," Ford explained.

"...why didn't you tell me that's why you needed the money in the first place?" Mabel asked.

"I don't know," Ford sighed. "Maybe deep down I knew it was a bad idea."

"Kinda is," Mabel nodded. "I've dated more boys than you have, Ford, so listen to my advice: they don't usually like taking money from whoever they're dating."

"I was just trying to help!" Ford protested.

"Heh. Sometimes you are just so Mom," Mabel rolled her eyes playfully.

"Oh, ha ha."

"I'm serious!" Mabel said. "There's a lot more of her in you than you think."

\-----

Daniel sat with the others, watching Stan's team practice. After a minute, Tate signed to the assistant teacher and she stood up to go talk to the team in a huddle. Daniel tapped Tate's shoulder.

"Hi. Um, just a quick question," he said. "Have you ever considered using Stanley as a forward? I'm just saying, because if Stanley were playing forward, you could use that short boy with the ponytail to cover the point guard. And then you'd use Stanley for rebounding because, you know, you guys could really use some help rebounding. I'm- just saying."

Tate paused, looking at the team and back to Daniel. He handed over the clipboard.

"Here," he said. "All yours."

"Oh, no no no, I-" Daniel stuttered. Tate set the pen on the clipboard and smiled.

\-----

Ford was reading through a rather large mystery book, sitting next to a board covered in paper and yarn. He set the book down, taking a piece of yarn and connecting two pins. His phone began to ring and he looked at it before answering.

"Yes?" He greeted.

"So the good news is I replaced the timing belt in my truck and got it running again," Dan said on the other end. "So I thought I'd come over and let you know that I may have overreacted a bit last night."

"Yeah," Ford said like it was obvious.

"Bad news is the belt wasn't really the problem, and I just broke down next to Loose Park," Dan finished. "Is there any chance you could come over here so I could apologize in person?"

Ford smiled softly.

\-----

"Ok, let's hear it."

"...I'm sorry," Dan said. Ford tilted his head, his arms folded.

" _That's_ the big apology?" He asked. Dan paused.

"I'm really sorry," he said. "Ok, I shouldn't have gotten so upset when you were-"

"I just wanted to help," Ford interrupted. "And if you didn't want it, I'm sure there were plenty of different ways you could have said it. Also, ok, I don't always understand what to do and what not to do in a relationship of any kind, and it just makes me feel so much worse than I always do when someone gets mad at me for not understanding some sort of vague social rule or whatever-"

Dan cut Ford off by holding his face and kissing him. Ford wrapped his arms around the other's neck, happily returning the kiss.

\-----

"Ok, pass it! Good! Pass it! Good! Pass it, pass it!"

Daniel ran around the edge of the gym as the team played, shouting instructions as they went. Stan shot for the basket and missed. Daniel looked at him.

"Stanley! What are you doing?" He asked.

"Take it easy," Tate said.

"No, we worked on this last night. It's fine," Daniel said. He walked over to Stan. "What are you doing?"

"Sorry," Stan glared.

"You have to show these guys how to do it," Daniel said. "We can't be taking stupid shots, alright?"

"Ok," Stan grumbled.

"Ok, so we're gonna do it one more time, alright?" Daniel announced. "And we're gonna do it perfect." He smiled and moved off the court. "Alright, here we go. One more time, everyone!"

\-----

Carly was pulling a string of round paper ball lights out of a crate when Martha parked in the driveway. Martha got out of the car, slowly walking over.

"Can I give you a hand?" She asked.

"No, I've got it," Carly denied.

"Let me guess," Martha said. "Friday is Celebrating the Orient Night?" Carly looked at her. "That's not a judgement."

Carly smiled slightly.

"Denise is stopping by tomorrow and I wanted to run a few ideas by her for the big fundraiser," Carly explained, continuing to dig through the boxes.

"...you need to tell her the truth," Martha said.

"About what?" Carly asked.

"About Dipper and Stanford," Martha said. "Nobody is buying this 'friend' thing. And I'm sure the stories people are making to fill in the blanks are way worse than 'switched at birth'."

"Maybe." Carly sighed. "I guess I- I'm just afraid that when people find out, they're gonna treat Stanford differently. And let's face it, he already has a hard enough time fitting in.

"If your friends and their kids are gonna treat Stanford differently, then honestly, you need new friends," Martha said pointedly.

"Ok, maybe it's not just Stanford," Carly said, looking down. "...I've never had a career. Hell, I've never even stuck to a hobby! But the one thing that I have... the one thing that I'm proud of... is that I am a good mom. And this whole time, I was raising somebody else's son... and I didn't even know it. What does that say about me?"

"...Same thing it says about me, I guess," Martha said. Carly chuckled. "If you don't want to tell your friends about the switch thing, y-you don't have to. Ok?"

"Thanks," Carly smiled softly.

"Good luck with this," Martha smiled back before waking off.

\-----

The students raced around the gym, playing and practicing. Stan caught the ball from a teammate but dropped it a second later.

"Hey, come on, guys!" Daniel called. "Let's get our heads in the game! Ugh, what is he doing? You drive to the basket! You're playing scared! Let's go! Come on guys, come on. What is that?! Come on! Stanley, come on! No more mental mistakes."

As he continued, Stan kept getting more and more frustrated.

"Excuse me," Daniel said to Stan. "What is that? You're better than this."

"Actually, I'm not," Stan snapped, stomping off.

"What do you mean you're-?" Daniel looked after him. "Where are you going, Stanley?" Stan ignored him, grabbing his gym bag and leaving the gym. "Stanley, get back here!"

\-----

Dipper sat awkwardly in the back of the car, while Stan sat angrily in the front with Daniel.

"I uh," Daniel rubbed the back of his head, "I got carried away. I'm sorry. I do that sometimes. That's probably why Stanford hates basketball and Mabel won't play with me."

"Did you say something?" Stan asked.

"N-no. No, not important," Daniel sighed.

"Y'know I'm not that great a player," Stan said shortly.

"You could be," Daniel said. "I see that kind of potential in you."

"...you really think I play scared?" Stan asked.

"I think that... you don't like to play outside your comfort zone," Daniel explained. "You don't like to get into the fray. But, you know, that's just something to work on."

"...yeah, I know," Stan said quietly. Dipper shifted in the backseat.

"Could you... drop me off somewhere?" He spoke up.

"Sure," Daniel nodded.

\-----

Dipper slowly walked up to the sweet truck, smiling at Candy inside.

"So what's good?" He asked.

"The suckers and lollipops are my favorite," Candy hummed happily. She held out a bright red sucker. "But be warned: they are very juicy."

"Not a problem," Dipper grinned, taking the sucker and popping it in his mouth.

\-----

The next day, Carly was sitting with her friend as they went over the plans.

"And then finally I thought we'd have the movie Chinatown playing over here on the side," Carly said, pointing at the paper.

"That could be interesting," Denise nodded. "Anyway, these are the vintage earrings I was telling you about for the auction. And if you need anymore help brainstorming, let me know."

"Thank you," Carly smiled.

"See you later," Denise smiled back, grabbing her purse and standing up.

"Denise, wait," Carly said. "I wanted to tell you something." The other woman looked at her and she sighed. "When Stanford was born, the hospital made a mistake. Stanford's not our biological son. He's Martha's. And Martha took home our son. So the boy she raised, Dipper... he's our baby."

"I can't believe it," Denise murmured.

"I know, it's crazy," Carly agreed.

"Oh my God, honey, I don't know what I would've done," Denise said.

"Well, when we found out, we asked them to move in, so that we could all get to know each other," Carly explained.

"Wow," Denise nodded. "And we all thought Martha was Daniel's ex-lover and her sons were Daniel's love children."

"Really? Oh my God," Carly laughed. "That's what people thought?"

"Well, some," Denise pointed at herself. "And for the record, I wouldn't have handled this situation with _nearly_ as much grace."

"...thanks," Carly smiled.

\-----

Ford was working on a sketch in his garage when there was a knock on the door.

"Come in," he said. Daniel entered and Ford quickly returned to his drawing, determined not to look up at him.

"Hey," Daniel greeted. "Just wanted to pop in, see how you were doing."

"Fine," Ford said shortly. Daniel looked at his paper.

"Nice," he nodded. "It's very, um, realistic. Very good."

"Thanks," Ford smiled a bit.

"Nice use of... pencil and line," Daniel said.

"You don't have to do that," Ford chuckled. There was a pause.

"Hey, so what I wasn't able to tell you the other night is that the lawsuit we have with the hospital has nothing to do with you," Daniel said. Ford finally looked up. "Your mom and I... are so lucky to have you in our lives." Ford scoffed slightly. "Really. Do you know why? 'Cause you... you make us look at the world differently, Stanford. You're so... scientific, and creative, and you're always looking for the reasoning behind things. We see something, we accept that... that's how it is. But you're asking 'Why?' or 'How?' and... that's amazing. And I have no idea how you do that."

"...y-you really think that?" Ford asked. Daniel nodded. "I-I always think people think I'm just... being boring, or a f-freak..."

"Hey. I've never thought you're a freak," Daniel said, setting a hand on Ford's. The boy smiled, wiping at his eyes a bit.

"Thanks, Dad."

\-----

Dipper was doing his homework when Ford entered the house. The younger boy looked up at him.

"Hey," Ford waved slightly. "I-I'm sorry. About what I said the other day."

"It's fine," Dipper said. Ford walked closer and sat down beside him.

"It- it's really upsetting that your dad- my dad?" Ford paused. "I-I'm still not sure which pronoun to use. It's really upsetting that _that guy_ took off when you were little. It's upsetting for both of us."

"Yeah, it is," Dipper smiled softly. "I'm sorry for getting mad. I-I can't blame you for wanting to know who he is. To be fair, there was a time when..." he rubbed the back of his head, "when that was Stan and me."

\-----

Ford was sitting outside the house at night, looking up at the stars. It was silent until Stan walked up to him.

"Hey," Ford said.

"Hey," Stan waved, sitting in the chair beside his brother. He looked up at the sky, the two of them sitting still. "It's uh... nice out. Huh?"

"It is," Ford smiled. "The stars are very bright. Perfect for constellations."

"I could never remembered what any of them looked like," Stan shrugged.

"My favorites are Orion," Ford pointed it out, "and... the Big Dipper."

Stan smiled, pausing before pulling something out of his pocket.

"Here. I got something I wanted to give you," he said. In his hand he held a photograph. "Our dad took it."

He handed it over to Ford. The picture was of Martha, pregnant, leaning against the hood of a car.

"That's us in there," Stan said softly. "Isn't that weird? We were in there for nine months together, and... we didn't even realize we wouldn't see each other again for sixteen years."

Ford chuckled.

"Probably because a fetus has no concept of time nor a decent enough memory to know what was going on in the womb," he said. He coughed awkwardly at Stan's strange look. "Y-you're right. That is odd."

Stan laughed, playfully nudging Ford before wrapping an arm around his shoulders.

"Y'know, I think I like you, Sixer," he said. "You're not half bad."

"Thanks," Ford smiled at the nickname before looking back down at the photo. "That's us..."


	4. Dance Among Daggers

Dipper and Candy were by Candy's sweet truck, having just bought some of the candy.

"Ok, so zombies have taken over the world," Dipper began. "What's the first thing you do?"

"Gather up food and water," Candy answered.

"Nope!" Dipper smiled as they sat down. "Go for weapons!"

"But what are you going to do for food?" Candy asked.

"I have weapons, remember?" Dipper scoffed. "I'll just take yours!"

Candy laughed.

"You like zombie movies, food, science," Candy listed happily. "If I even mentioned bionics or robotics to the last person I was dating, all I would get is just... confusion."

"Wait wait wait, back up," Dipper said. "What did you say?"

"Well do not get me wrong, she was so fun and sweet," Candy said. "But we were better off as friends."

"No, I mean," Dipper blushed slightly, "you said 'last person I was dating'. Does that mean I'm the person you're currently dating?"

"Uh- I think so," Candy smiled. "I- I was hoping so."

Dipper grinned.

"Me too," he whispered. They leaned in and kissed, but it was short before Candy pulled back.

"But in a zombie apocalypse, you would still take my food?" She asked.

"Oh, absolutely," Dipper scoffed, stealing a bit of the cotton candy the other had.

\-----

Mabel was painting in her garage when Carly approached her.

"Honey, just a head's up," she said. "I may have to store a few things for the fundraiser in your garage."

"What's wrong with Ford's?" Mabel asked.

"Well, you know how much of a mess it is in there," Carly smiled. "I'd never be able to find anything."

Mabel giggled.

"That's true," she said. Carly turned at footsteps coming down the stairs and saw Martha.

"Oh, Martha!" She called.

"Yeah?" Martha said.

"You know, we're hosting the benefit for Stanford and Mabel's school here this weekend, right?" Carly asked.

"Um-"

"It's a bunch of rich people dressing up and giving money to a school that's already rich!" Mabel explained happily.

"It's for scholarships," Carly clarified.

"Don't worry, I won't be in your way," Martha said.

"No, no! I-I want you to come," Carly said.

"...Oh."

"You and Dipper and Stanley and Cassandra," Carly smiled.

"Um- well, my mom's away visiting her sister, and you know, maybe if you gave us your social calendar, we could coordinate better," Martha said.

"I know it's last minute, but it would mean a lot to me if you could come," Carly said. Martha hesitated just long enough for Stan and Dipper to walk over. "Oh, boys! I was just inviting you two and your mother to the big fundraiser we're having on Saturday night."

"Fundraiser?" Dipper repeated.

"Yeah, it's gonna be a lot of fun!" Carly smiled. "Mabel's band is gonna play!"

"We'd love to!" Dipper grinned.

"Oy vey," Martha sighed.

"Oh, good!" Carly beamed.

"Can I invite my girlfriend?" Dipper asked. Martha and Stan spun to look at him.

"Oh, I didn't know you had a girlfriend," Carly said.

"Neither did I," Martha raised an eyebrow. Mabel screamed happily and ran over, nearly knocking Dipper over in a hug.

"MY BROTHER HAS A GIRLFRIEND!" She shouted. "OHMYGOSH OHMYGOSHOHMYGOSH!"

"Mabel!" Dipper laughed, pushing her off. "Yeah, we just made it official tonight."

"Well, give me her name and I'll put it on the guest list," Carly said, pulling the list out.

"Candy," Dipper said. "Candy Chiu."

There was a tense silence as the words sunk in.

"Wait- _my_ Candy?" Mabel asked, shocked.

"Oh dear," Carly bit her lip.

"I met her when we visited Mabel's school..." Dipper frowned.

"Wait, who is Candy?" Martha asked.

"My best friend," Mabel answered.

"Mabel's ex-girlfriend," Carly answered at the same time.

"Ex-girlfriend?" Martha's eyes widened.

"Oh boy," Stan said.

"Y-you're dating my best friend and y-you didn't think that was worth mentioning?" Mabel looked heartbroken.

"I didn't know she was your best friend!" Dipper defended. "And I didn't want to say anything until I knew it was serious... And I didn't think I needed your permission!"

"Yo-you don't! It's just..." Mabel groaned. "I'm sorry! But I feel really awkward that my brother is dating my ex! ...Candy's never even brought up my name?"

"No," Dipper shook his head. "She just mentioned that she had an ex-girlfriend."

"...What did she say about me?" Mabel asked.

"That you were better off as friends?" Dipper said. Mabel sighed.

"Well, that's true, but..." she whined. "It just feels too weird! You _can't_ be dating my ex! You're my brother!"

"Actually, I think I'm allowed to date whoever I want," Dipper said.

"Well, we can all work this out, right?" Carly asked.

"I just... think I'm gonna go," Stan said awkwardly before leaving.

"No, Mom, it's cool," Mabel said, folding her arms tightly. "It- it doesn't matter. Me and Candy are broken up."

\-----

"You _have_ to come!"

"A bunch of rich people, me in a suit, meeting your parents?" Dan said over the phone.

"You've already met them," Ford said.

"No, that's when I was moving furniture," Dan corrected. "This is me dating their son."

"They're going to love you," Ford promised. "Especially when you're all handsome in your suit."

"Look, I like you, ok?" Dan began while pouring a bowl of cereal. "And I really like spending time with you, but that's just really not my scene, alright."

"Fine," Ford said, hanging up the phone.

\-----

Dipper, Stan, and Fiddleford sat outside Carlton, studying.

 _So have you broken up with her yet?_ Fiddleford asked.

 _Why would I do that?_ Dipper asked.

 _Because you have to,_ Fiddleford signed. _Isn't that like, the 'sibling code' or something?_

 _I don't think there's a code that covers this situation,_ Dipper signed.

 _You've already taken Mabel's family,_ Fiddleford signed. _You can't take her girlfriend, too._

 _I didn't take her family!_ Dipper protested. _And she's not her girlfriend! They broke up._

 _So she's her hand-me-down,_ Stan signed. _Even worse._ Dipper rolled his eyes. _You want my opinion? Candy is damaged goods. She'll always be Mabel's._

\-----

Mabel was studying in the library when Candy came up to her and sat down.

"For the record," Candy began, making Mabel looked up, "I had no clue who Dipper was when I asked him out."

"...really?" Mabel hesitated. "I'm finding it a bit... hard to believe, is all. That you didn't hear about how I found out I have a deaf twin brother."

"Yes, I know, but you never told us his name and I just... did not connect the dots quick enough," Candy sighed, rubbing the back of her head.

"Really? You're smart enough, Candy," Mabel said a bit angrily. "I'm shocked you couldn't figure it out!"

A girl behind them shushed her, and Mabel looked back at her.

"If I talk any lower, you won't be able to listen in," Mabel said sweetly.

"Look, I am sorry I am not up-to-date on all the latest Mission Hills gossip," Candy said.

"Well, now you are," Mabel said.

"What do you want me to do, Mabel?" Candy asked. "Break up with him?"

"...yes."

"That is insane! I am not breaking up with him just because you decide to revert back to jealous girlfriend!" Candy cried.

"Then why did you ask?" Mabel said, gathering her stuff and walking off.

\-----

"I need you to be my plus one for Carly's fundraiser."

 _...Ok, sure,_ Tate signed after a pause.

"That was easy," Martha raised an eyebrow. Tate sighed.

 _Sally and I are separating,_ he signed.

"Oh, I'm sorry," Martha frowned.

"Hi!" Dipper greeted when him, Stan, Fiddleford, and Bella entered the house.

"Hey," Martha smiled.

 _Hi, Dad,_ Fiddleford smiled and hugged Tate.

 _I haven't told Fiddleford yet,_ Tate signed to Martha. She nodded.

"Dinner smells great!" Dipper said.

 _It's an old family recipe: Italian take-out,_ Tate joked. Everyone sat down at the table. _So, your mom told me you have a new girlfriend._ Dipper grinned and nodded. _But she didn't tell me whether she was cute or not._

"I haven't met her yet," Martha explained.

"You'll meet her at the fundraiser," Dipper said. "She's my date. And she is _very_ cute!"

"Maybe it's not such a good idea," Martha said. "Going with her."

"She's gonna be there anyways," Dipper said. "She's one of Mabel's best friends."

"I understand, but maybe give it some space till things cool down," Martha said. Dipper looked at his friends for help.

"I gotta agree with her," Bella said. "It sounds like Mabel is really upset about it."

"Alright, fine," Dipper sighed. "We won't go together."

\-----

"So, what are we crazy?"

Carly laughed a bit nervously.

"We're inviting everyone we know to our house, knowing full well they're gonna be staring at us," she continued. "And meanwhile the twins are fighting over a girl."

She sighed as she watched Daniel pouring out a glass of wine.

"Could you pour me one of those?" She asked.

"This _is_ for you," Daniel said, sliding the glass over the counter. Carly smiled and took it. "Sweetie, we're gonna be fine. We just gotta keep our game faces on, and if people start asking questions, we just tell them we're trying to move forward, taking things one day at a time."

"Coraline Brightman just called," Ford said as he entered the room. "Apparently her mother invited a reporter from the _Kansas City Harold_ to the party- the _Lifestyle_ section."

"Oh," Carly said. "... oh..."

"Yeah," Ford agreed. "Because all we need now is more pressure to look like the perfect happy family."

\-----

As Dipper was getting ready for the party, his phone buzzed with a text. He picked it up, looking at it.

_Candy: Can't wait to see you tonight_

_Dipper: It might be best if we keep our distance tonight_

\-----

Martha was fussing over Stan's suit in the living room.

"Ma, is this really necessary?" Stan asked. "Nothing can save this thing."

"Oh hush," Martha scolded. "You look so handsome!"

"Ma. It's _pink_ ," Stan deadpanned.

"I think you look very pretty," Dipper teased.

"Ha ha, shut up before I shove your head in a pillowcase," Stan glared.

\-----

"They're bringing up another case of champagne."

"Yes, ma'am."

"Mabel," Carly called as the girl passed. "Your band is all set up, right?"

"Yep!" Mabel grinned. Ford entered the room just as his sister left.

"Oh, Stanford! You look so handsome," Carly smiled.

"Not that anyone but you will notice," Ford said.

"Oh honey, I'm sorry your friend couldn't come," Carly said. "But considering that he's 19, I'm not that sorry." Ford gave her a look. "I still hope you have a good time."

"Thanks, Mom," Ford said. Martha, Stan, and Dipper entered the house. Ford held back a snicker.

"Oh, boys! You both look so cute!" Martha grinned.

"Please don't make this worse than it already it," Stan said. Just then, the doorbell rang, and Carly took a deep breath.

"Game face," Daniel said from the doorway. Carly smiled and went to answer the door.

"Hello!" She greeted happily. "Sue, Allen! Come in!"

"You look beautiful!" One woman said.

"Thank you," Carly smiled.

\-----

Soon, the party was filled with people. Dipper walked by himself along the pool. He saw Candy on the other side.

"You. Handsome," Candy signed with a smile. Dipper grinned.

 _Not so bad yourself,_ he signed.

"What does that even mean?" Candy asked with a laugh.

\-----

Mabel stood up on the stage with the other girl in her band, Pacifica. Mabel was sitting behind a drum set, while Pacifica sat behind a piano with a microphone.

"Shouldn't you guys be playing?" Stan asked, walking up. "Or are these instruments just for show?"

"Our guitarist isn't showing," Mabel explained.

"Yeah, his mom found porn on his computer," Pacifica said. "He's grounded."

"I'm texting every guitarist I know," Mabel sighed.

"I know a guitarist," Stan said.

"You do?" Mabel lit up.

"Yeah, Fidds," Stan said.

"...deaf Fidds?" Mabel asked.

"No, blind Fidds," Stan replied sarcastically.

"Well, wouldn't that be better?" Mabel frowned. "At least then he could hear the songs."

"Fidds is really good at the banjo, and pretty much any other instrument with strings," Stan crossed his arms.

"No offense, but are you really the best judge of that?" Pacifica asked. Mabel looked at her and cleared her throat.

"Sound is vibration," Stan said. "You can feel the rhythm in your body. But if you guys have another option, feel free."

"Uh- call him," Mabel said. "Please."

Stan smiled and walked off.

\-----

Carly was talking to a group of friends.

"No, we had no idea," she said. "Sure, Stanford was always a bit different, but well- teens are!"

\-----

"Look, we thought it was nothing, but the genetic test confirmed that Stanford wasn't biologically ours," Daniel said.

\-----

"And that's when we found out that there had been a mix-up at the hospital," Carly said.

\-----

Daniel laughed.

"Definitely," he said. "No, we are suing 'em. Big time."

\-----

"But the important thing is that we're all getting a chance to know each other," Carly smiled. "Now, have you all visited the silent auction? Because there is an aspen ski trip that even _I_ have my eye on."

"So you really couldn't tell it wasn't your baby?" A woman asked.

"Well, obviously if I had known, I would have pointed it out at the time," Carly said.

\-----

"So they're still trying to figure out who's going to play me in the movie," Ford was telling some friends.

"Oh my God! I just met Dipper, he's so sweet!" A girl butted in. "But I don't understand. How come he doesn't look just like you?"

"...you do know the difference between switched at birth and separated at birth, right?" Ford asked. "Or that there are fraternal twins and then identical twins?" The girl looked confused. "Oh my God..."

\-----

Stan walked up to the stage with Fiddleford, who was holding a guitar.

"Hi! Thank you so much for coming!" Mabel grinned. Fiddleford gave a thumbs up.

"This is Fiddleford," Stan told Pacifica.

"Hey," Pacifica gave a small wave.

 _No offense, but these two look like amateurs,_ Fiddleford signed. _Can they really play?_

Stan hesitated.

"What did he say?" Pacifica asked.

"He's just... excited to play with a real band," Stan lied. Mabel smiled and motioned him up.

"You ready?" She asked. Fiddleford gave a thumbs up.

\-----

" _Please_ come, I'm begging you. This party is so boring."

"Not exactly a compelling case for me to show up," Dan said over the phone.

"I'm serious, ok?" Ford said. "You don't even have to wear a suit, just come."

"Look, I don't think you're really getting the whole 'I-don't-want-to-be-there' thing," Dan said.

"Trust me, nobody wants to be here," Ford assured. "You'll fit right in."

"Why is it so important for me to go to this thing?" Dan asked.

"...never mind," Ford sighed. "It's not a big deal. I'll talk to you later."

He hung up.

\-----

Candy and Dipper were walking through the party.

"I am going to steal a dance with you," Candy was saying. "You know that, right?" Dipper smiled. "Look, I know there has been a lot of craziness lately, but I want you to know that I really do like you."

"I like you, too," Dipper said.

"...I feel like this is the moment where we are supposed to kiss," Candy giggled. Dipper laughed.

"And you thought dancing was a bad idea," he said. "...maybe I should go. Kiss you later?"

"Yes," Candy smiled. "Kiss you later."

\-----

Mabel turned to Fiddleford as they finished setting up.

"It's um, pretty basic," she said. "Can you read sheet music?" Fiddleford nodded. "Great! I have one here."

She pulled out a sheet of paper and passed it over. Fiddleford scanned it and gave a thumbs up.

"This is gonna be a disaster," Pacifica said so Fiddleford couldn't see her.

"Be nice," Mabel hissed. She spoke into the microphone. "Hey everyone, how's it going?! We are Glitter Bomb! And I promise you... this is gonna be interesting!"

The crowd applauded and cheered. Mabel started a beat on the drums, and Fiddleford and Pacifica soon joined in. Mabel began to sing.

" _I heaaar that little voice inside my head._

_"So sinceeere, I almost believed just what I said._

_"And if you asked me, I'd agree._

_"'Cause there's more to this than what you see._

_"And if you have to believe_

_"There's a moral to the story and oh, I'm never sorry._

_"All I want iiiis,_

_"All I want iiiis,_  

_"All I want iiiis,_

_"Just a little meaning,_

_"Just a little feeling,_

_"Just a little bit..."_

She played her drum solo, taking the pause to grin over at Fiddleford, who had been playing extremely well. They continued to sing and play, and Martha smiled as she watched them. A man approached her, smiling.

"I don't think I've seen you at one of these fundraisers before," he said.

"Mm, that's because it's my first," Martha said.

"Ah. Bet you won't make that mistake again," the man joked. Martha chuckled. "Bruce."

"Martha," she introduced, shaking his hand.

"Martha," Bruce nodded. "So you're, uh- you're a new Buckner parent, huh?"

"No. Buckner is a few zeros out of my price range," Martha said.

"Yeah, tuition is ridiculous," Bruce agreed. "I've got two kids enrolled now. But hey, you can't put a pride on a good education, right?"

"Really? The brochure listed it at 30 grand," Martha said.

"Heh. Well, that's just the sticker price," Bruce said. "Your kid have good grades, good at sports?"

"...both, actually," Martha said. "One has good grades, the other is good at sports."

"Well you know, there are scholarships," Bruce told her. "That's what this night is about. Well, that and, uh, dancing."

"Mm," Martha nodded. Bruce extended a hand.

"What do you say?" He requested.

"Um... ok," Martha smiled and took his hand.

\-----

"So, you having fun?"

"Hm? What was that?" Bella looked towards Stan. She had earplugs in her ears.

"I asked if you're having fun," Stan repeated.

"Eh. As much as I could be," Bella shrugged. "Mainly just been eating what I can find that's good. Which isn't much, this fancy food is gross."

"Yeah, I hear ya," Stan rolled his eyes. Bella grinned as though to make a joke, and Stan chuckled. "I already know the joke. It's getting old by now, don't you think?"

"No joke ever gets old to me," Bella deadpanned. Stan laughed.

"Well hey, thanks for coming," he said. "This thing would probably be a snoozefest without you."

Bella giggled and poked Stan's stomach, blushing slightly.

"Thanks."

\-----

"Oh, Tracy! That was an amazing donation! Thank you!"

Carly smiled as she walked around the party.

"I don't buy it!" A woman was saying. "I mean, I'm sure Daniel had an affair. He was a baseball player, you know? And come on, what kind of mother doesn't know her own baby?"

Carly looked devastated. Denise walked up to her, smiling.

"Hey," she greeted.

"Hey," Carly waved. "Well, this seems to be going well."

"Yeah, for some people," Denise agreed. "My ex seems to be hitting it off with your Martha."

" _My_ Martha?" Carly asked. She looked over to see them chatting. "I'm sure she's just... drumming up business. You know, for her fortune-telling thing?"

"Hm."

Carly walked off after the band had ended a song and stood up on stage. She tapped the microphone.

"Hello," she announced. "Hi, everybody. I hope you're having a wonderful evening. I just wanted to remind you that the silent auction is open throughout the evening. And I wanted to thank my husband Daniel, for graciously donating two items up for bid: one of his precious jerseys and a year's worth of free detailing at Pines' Car Wash. Daniel, take a bow." The crowd clapped, but Daniel was nowhere to be seen. "Honey? ...Daniel?"

\-----

Meanwhile, John was in the auction room with Tate, looking at the jersey Daniel had put up.

"You're gonna bid that up, aren't you?" Daniel asked. Tate smirked and shook his head. "Excuse me, what is that? Do you know what you're looking at? That is the jersey I wore when I fought Roger Clemens. See the spot where he hit me?"

Tate looked at the spot Daniel pointed to and shook his head.

"That's because there isn't one, because I decked him before he could land a punch," Daniel bragged. Tate laughed.

"I hate that guy," he said.

"You would not believe how many guys in the league bought me drinks after that," Daniel said. "Including guys on his own team."

"Really?" Tate asked.

"No kidding!" Daniel nodded. "Listen to this, we were in Texas one time..."

\-----

Mabel's band continued to play as the crowd danced. That crowd included Dipper and Candy, who Mabel watched from the corner of her eye. The song ended and everyone applauded.

"Thank you!" Mabel smiled. She and Pacifica turned to Fiddleford. "Dude, how do you say 'That was great'?" Fiddleford showed her the sign. "Heck yeah, man!"

She gave him a double high five. The girls went off and Fiddleford stood up to go off on his own when another girl stopped him.

"So you were really great up there and your band sounded amazing, and-"

The girl continued to talk, although as she sped up, Fiddleford had more trouble following her. He paused her, pointing at his ear.

"...Oh," the girl said. "Oh, I'm so sorry. Um... never mind. I'm gonna go. But really good job, up there."

She gave a thumbs up before walking off.

\-----

Martha tapped Dipper on the shoulder, getting his attention.

"Hi," she waved.

"Hi, Ma," Dipper smiled. "I saw you dancing with that hot guy."

"Yeah, and I saw you dancing with Candy," Martha said.

"What's one dance?" Dipper asked.

"The whole reason we moved in is so that you could get to know your sister," Martha said.

"One dance with Candy and I'm putting everything in jeopardy?" Dipper asked.

"I don't know," Martha said. "But are you willing to risk it?"

\-----

"My goodness, this is more than generous. Thank you so much."

Carly walked around the party. She paused, watching Tate and Daniel talking and laughing in the auction room. Martha walked up to her after a minute.

"Carly," she said.

"Martha, oh," Carly jumped a bit. "I'm so glad that you're having fun. And I'm glad you brought Tate, he seems very nice."

"Yeah, he is," Martha smiled.

"Um- I-I wanted to talk to you about Bruce," Carly said. "I saw you dancing with him. And between you and me, he's Denise's ex and uh, he comes with a lot of baggage."

"It sounds like he got rid of it," Martha raised an eyebrow.

"Trust me, Martha, he's bad news," Carly warned.

"Bad news for me or for you?" Martha asked.

"Both of us, actually," Carly said. Martha stared at her in shock as she walked off.

\-----

Carly found Daniel, who was walking around the party, and went up to him.

"Where have you been?" She asked quietly.

"...I'm guessing whatever answer I give you will be the wrong one?" Daniel said.

"I just think you should be with me and not off with your basketball friend," Carly said.

"What, Tate?" Daniel asked. "Are you kidding me?"

"It's just- this is our night," Carly sighed. A woman walked over to the couple.

"Carly Pines?" She said.

"Oh, hi!" Carly greeted.

"Hi, Tina Choi, _Kansas City Herald,_ " the woman introduced.

"Daniel Pines, hi," Daniel said.

"I'm so glad you're here," Carly smiled.

"I just met Stanley and Dipper," Tina said. "What an amazing story. I mean, to go deaf at that age and to overcome so much..."

"Yeah, we're very, very proud of them," Daniel smiled.

"And you- to blend together two families so seamlessly and for everyone to get along so well together," Tina said to Carly. "It's inspiring. And believe me, by Monday, everybody will be talking about it."

\-----

Martha saw Ford in the crowd, holding one of the fancy drinks and standing to the side.

"I'm guessing Dan couldn't make it?" She asked.

"More like wouldn't," Ford said. "Imagine wanting to miss all this fun... Here's to a great party."

He went to drink from the glass, but Martha stopped him.

"Ah ah," she scolded, taking the drink. "This drink is not gonna make it any better."

"It can't possibly make it any worse," Ford said. He turned to see Carly, Daniel, Dipper, and Mabel all being photographed together. Martha also saw, and noticed the upset look on Ford's face.

\-----

Carly was writing something at a table when Daniel walked up behind her.

"I'm an idiot," he said. Carly looked up.

"You're gonna have to do better than that," she smiled. Daniel paused. He took one of the flowers from the table and handed it to Carly, who grinned. "You're getting warmer."

"I shouldn't have been hanging out with Tate," Daniel said. "I should have been out here helping you. It's just that- just looking at my jersey, and nobody was bidding on it-"

"Honey, we have been auctioning off your jerseys for five years," Carly said. "Anyone who wants one already has one."

"Yeah, I guess," Daniel smiled.

"I'm sorry I snapped at you," Carly said. "I just can't take all these rumors and... stares."

"Well the only reason they're staring is because you're the most beautiful woman here," Daniel said. Carly smiled. "And the only rumor I've heard," he lowered his voice, "is that you're gonna get lucky tonight."

Carly smiled as the other walked off.

"Really?"

\-----

"Yeah, this whole switched-at-birth thing has actually been pretty tough on me, too," Stan was telling a girl. She looked at him with pity. "I mean, I was in the same hospital at the same time. It could have been me."

"Oh my gosh," the girl said. "You poor thing."

She hugged him and Stan smirked.

\-----

Dipper was standing to the side a bit when Carly came over to him.

"You enjoying yourself?" She asked.

"Yeah. I'm having a great time," he said. "Everyone's been really nice."

"Good," Carly smiled. "...I'm afraid with this whole switched-at-birth thing, you might feel like an exhibit at a zoo."

"Thanks," Dipper smiled. "But I'm deaf. I'm used to people staring at me."

"I know," Carly said. "They can be really mean."

"They're just curious," Dipper shrugged. "They wanna know how I deal with it, so I just do my best to make them feel comfortable."

"Hm," Carly smiled. After a minute, she walked off and onto the stage. "Hi. Hi, everybody. I want to thank you all for coming. Uh, it's your generous support that has allowed Buckner Hall to set the benchmark for academics, athletics, and the arts. This school represents..." Carly looked up from her card to see the crowd whispering to each other. "It represent- ...Uh, it repre- ...You know what? I forgot to introduce Martha Oaks, who is the mother of my husband's love children." Martha and Daniel looked shocked while the crowd murmured. "I'm kidding!" The crowd chuckled. "Have you met me?! If that were true, I never would have let this beautiful woman set foot in my home. I- I get it. It's natural to want to gossip about all this. And um- to be honest, if it were another family, I'd be right there with you. But it's- it's hard, so, uh... I just want to answer the question you've all been asking. We're doing just fine. And to quote my very wise husband, 'We're taking it one day at a time.' So I want to thank you for your support, and-" She looked at her cards. "Oh! The silent auction closes in ten minutes, so get bidding! And I promise to answer any other questions you have about our situation _after_ you make a donation."

The crowd clapped.

\-----

Dipper was getting a glass of punch, waiting at the man poured it out for him.

"Thank you," he said. Ford walked over to him awkwardly.

"Having fun?" He asked.

"Not really," Dipper said.

"What more could you want?" Ford said.

"...What do you mean?" Dipper asked.

"It looked like you were having fun with Mabel," Ford said. "And can I get a copy of that picture you took with my family, or should I just wait for it to show up above the fireplace?"

"You act like I'm trying to steal your life," Dipper frowned.

"Are you?" Ford asked. "Because it sure feels that way.

"You know this isn't my fault," Dipper said angrily. "It happened to me just as much as it happened to you. I just have a better attitude about it."

"Of course you do, you're perfect," Ford growled.

"No, I'm not," Dipper said.

"Have you ever been in a bad mood a day in your life?" Ford asked.

"Do you know what it's like to be trans?" Dipper asked angrily. "To have half your school misgender you _on purpose_ every single day? To experience dysphoria so heavily and know that you can't do anything about it apart from what you've already done? Yes. I've been in bad moods. But I'm not an ass about it. You should try being nice."

"The minute you found out you were dating my sister's ex-girlfriend, you should have broken up with her," Ford snapped.

"Are you on that too?" Dipper groaned. "It's the same thing I told Mabel- I don't need your permission!"

"Maybe not, but as far as I'm concerned, she's more my sister than she is yours," Ford glared. "Because apparently, I'm the only one who cares about her feelings."

Ford stopped off and Dipper watched after him.

\-----

"It was nice to meet you."

Martha smiled at the woman as she walked off and was soon replaced with Bruce.

"Hi," Martha said.

"Hello," Bruce smiled. "So I just one dinner for two at the Terrace in the silent auction. But uh, I don't usually enjoy dining alone. Any interest in joining me?"

"You know..." Martha sighed. "I would love to."

"But?"

"...No. Just that," Martha said. "I'd love to."

"Great," Bruce said.

\-----

Dipper looked out at the pool and the floating flower lights. Candy gently snuck up behind him. She touched his arm and he turned around, smiling.

"I have waited all night to do this," Candy said softly. She kissed Dipper, but it was short before he pulled back a bit. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Dipper smiled.

"It does not seem like nothing," Candy said. Dipper took a deep breath.

"You know how you said that you like me because we're into the same stuff?" He asked.

"Yeah," Candy nodded.

"Well if you and Mabel didn't enjoy science or watch scary movies together, what did you do?" He asked.

"We... listened to music, did crafts," Candy said. "But I guess neither of us just felt that... buzz that you feel in a relationship."

"So why did you go out?" Dipper asked.

"I don't know," Candy shrugged. "We were close, we grew up together, we helped each other figure out our sexualities... I guess we just thought it was what we were supposed to do. Look, I do not want to think about Mabel right now."

"But I have to," Dipper's voice broke. "She's my sister. She's my _twin._ I have to think about her. And if I piss her off-"

He trailed off, tears in his eyes.

"Hey, so let us figure this out," Candy said. Dipper wiped at his cheeks.

"There's nothing to figure out," he whispered. "Us being together upsets her. I wish that this didn't happen. I wish that I didn't have to think about her or anyone else. But it did. And I do." Candy nodded sadly, wiping at the tear streaks on Dipper's face. "I like you a lot, Candy, but I have to choose this family."

Candy nodded slowly.

"Are we breaking up?" She asked.

"I think so," Dipper nodded.

"Are you sure that this is what you want?" Candy asked.

"No," Dipper sobbed. "But it's what I'm doing."

The two of them hugged before Dipper walked off.

\-----

Daniel smiled, walking up to his wife.

"What happened?" Carly asked with a smile.

"My jersey sold," Daniel said. "For a _looot_."

"Oh, that's great, honey!" Carly said. "And the totals are even better this year than last year."

"That's great," Daniel said. He leaned a bit closer and lowered his voice. "Why don't we kick the rest of these people out early so we can go celebrate in private?"

"I'll see what I can do," Carly grinned and kissed Daniel.

"You know where to find me," he said. They laughed and Daniel walked off. Mabel walked up next.

"Mabel!" Carly called. She handed her a package. "Could you hide this somewhere for me?"

"What is it?" Mabel asked, unwrapping it. "Wha- _you_ bought dad's jersey?"

Carly shushed her and made her wrap it back up. Mabel giggled and carried it off.

\-----

Ford was sitting in a chair by a small fire, holding a drink in his hand. After a minute, he poured it in the fire. He looked up to see Dan in the crowd, walking around and searching for something. Dan spotted him and smiled. Ford grinned and stood up, walking over to his boyfriend.

"And you wore a suit," he said.

"Yeah, I do _own_ one, you know?" Dan chuckled. Ford laughed.

"I'm really glad you came," he said.

"Do you, um- do you wanna get out of here?" Dan asked.

"God, yes," Ford sighed. "I'm tired of acting straight."

"Alright," Dan chuckled. The two of them walked off.

\-----

Dipper was also leaving the party, sadly walking back over to the guest house. He stopped, watching Dan and Ford get into the former's truck and leave.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for this chapter:  
> Sexual themes  
> Gambling

Dan and Ford were making out pretty heavily in Dan's room. They laid back on the bed, panting.

"Don't you have to be getting back soon?" Dan asked.

"I told my parents I'm staying at a friend's house," Ford said. "It's fine."

The kissing resumed, but after a few seconds Dan pulled back.

"Is this a bad time to do this?" He whispered. "Because you seemed a little distracted when we left the house."

"It's fine, I'm totally fine," Ford said. "Why are we talking and not kissing?"

The kiss resumed again and they pulled into a sitting position as Dan's jacket was slid off his shoulders.

"Wait wait wait, let me- get something," Dan panted. "Y'know, for STDs- just in case."

"Y-you mean for...?" Ford trailed off nervously.

"Well, yeah," Dan frowned slightly. "I thought that's where we were going?"

"...Uh, you know what," Ford struggled to pull his shirt back on. "I-I just remembered, I uh- I actually do have to be home- or- I-I should go."

"Oh- well come on, let me drive you," Dan offered.

"Thank you."

\-----

Dan's truck pulled up outside Ford's house and stopped.

"Thank you for this," Ford said.

"No problem," Dan smiled. They held each other and kissed until Ford noticed Daniel leaning against the truck window.

"Dad," he jumped. Dan sighed.

"You don't look like Kyle or Kevin," Daniel said.

"...Hello, sir," Dan said awkwardly. They both looked at Ford.

\-----

"What were you thinking?"

Ford squirmed in the seat.

"You lied to us-"

"You're out till-"

Carly and Daniel looked at each other.

"You go god knows-"

"You said you were with Kyle and Kevin and-"

They paused again.

"Ok," Carly said. "You lied to me."

"And if I told you I was with Dan, you would have been ok with it?" Ford asked.

"At 3:00 AM? Of course not," Carly said. "And what were you doing in-?" She stopped, looking at Ford. "Did- wait- did you have- were you-?!"

"Mom!" Ford turned red.

"What are you-?" Daniel stuttered.

"What?" Carly asked.

"Can I just go to my room while you two decide how long you're going to ground me for?" Ford asked tentatively.

"We are not just grounding you," Daniel said. "We are-"

"We are going to think of something much, much worse," Carly finished.

"Yeah, you- to your room. Now," Daniel ordered.

"Go," Carly agreed. Ford stood up and left the room to go upstairs. Carly and Daniel sighed.

"What are we gonna do?" Daniel asked.

"Well, we can't stop him from seeing him," Carly said.

"Oh yes we can," Daniel protested.

"Stanford will just keep seeing him," Carly said. "He won't listen to us. And you know Stanford is still very insecure about his sexuality; I don't want him to start thinking that we're doing it just because Dan is his first boyfriend."

"That's ridiculous!" Daniel exclaimed. "We don't care that he's-"

"I _know_ ," Carly interrupted. "But Stanford might still be unsure. Besides, he met him through Stan, Dipper, and Martha. He's from their old neighborhood."

"So that makes it ok?" Daniel asked.

"No. He's trying..." Carly paused. "He's trying to figure out who he might have been. What his life might have been like. I think this is part of that."

"So what are we gonna do?" Daniel asked.

\-----

Ford slowly walked into the kitchen, a bit suspicious to see Carly sitting with Mabel like everything was normal.

"Morning," Carly smiled.

"...good morning," Ford repeated, sitting beside his twin. Carly got up to pour him a bowl of cereal.

"Here you go, honey," Carly said, setting the bowl down in front of him.

"So how long am I grounded for?" Ford asked.

"We're not grounding you," Carly smiled.

"...you're not?" Ford looked shocked.

"You'd just sneak out," Carly said. "Milk?"

"Can you please just get to it?" Ford requested. Carly sighed.

"We want Dan to come over for chili night," she said.

"Ooh!" Mabel squealed. "I get to meet Ford's boyfriend?!"

"Here?" Ford's eyes widened. "No. Dad might actually kill him."

"We just want to get to know him better," Carly said innocently.

"That's not fair!" Ford protested. "When I dated Kyle, you never put him on trial! Or any of the people Mabel dated!"

"Well we knew Kyle," Carly said.

"So that's what this is about," Ford said.

"Ok, you're right," Carly said. "Dan is from a... different neighborhood. But all the more reason to get to know him better."

"Can't you just ground me?" Ford begged.

"If you want to keep seeing Dan, he comes to dinner," Carly said.

\-----

Martha entered the guest house to see Dipper laying on the couch. He was dressed in an oversized t-shirt and pajama pants and was clutching a pillow to his chest. Stan sat beside him, also in pajamas.

"You're still not dressed?" Martha asked.

"I didn't feel like it," Dipper sighed. Stan shrugged.

"Is this about Candy?" Martha asked.

"And Ford and Mabel and my period and last night was Dump-On-Dipper night," Dipper complained.

"You'll work it out," Martha assured.

"Not if I never get dressed," Dipper said.

"That's an A+ way to avoid your problems," Stan joked.

"Why don't you two do something together?" Martha suggested. "You're not fighting, right?"

"Actually, I've got a thing with some friends today," Stan said. "Is it ok, Dipper...?"

"Go," Dipper waved him off. "I'll be fine. I'll just... sit and eat some ice cream, watch a movie."

"Ok," Stan smiled.

\-----

Stan sat outside, shuffling a deck of cards. Ford walked up to him.

"Hey," Ford waved. "What are you up to today?"

"Uh- just playing some mini golf with some friends," Stan said.

"Oh," Ford nodded, sitting down. "Mini golf is fun. Mabel has been great at it ever since we were kids."

Stan nodded and the two of them sat in awkward silence.

"Actually, I'm not playing mini golf," Stan revealed. "Uh- I play a little poker."

"Oh, I play poker," Ford said.

"Oh yeah?" Stan grinned. Ford nodded. "I'm really good at it. Most deafies are."

"Deafies?" Ford chuckled. "Is that a word?"

"Deaf people are more attuned to facial expressions, body language," Stan explained. "We pick up people's tells."

"Really?"

"Hearing people have so much junk they gotta pay attention to," Stan said. "We can focus on facial tics or nervous scratches. It's like a super power."

"Interesting," Ford nodded.

"Hey, you wanna come with me?" Stan asked. "Fidds is gonna be there. He's not _quite_ as good as me, but he's fun to play with."

"Tonight?" Ford asked.

"Yes."

"I can't," Ford sighed. "Mom and Dad say I have to invite Dan over for dinner."

He rolled his eyes.

"How come?" Stan asked. Ford froze.

"Uh- I-"

Stan held a hand up, grinning slightly.

"Are you dating?" He asked. Ford turned red and tried to speak. "Ha! It's alright, Sixer. Fidds and Bella are queer, I'm cool with it."

Ford sighed in relief.

"Yes, well," he cleared his throat. "He has to come over so they can personally judge my taste in men."

"Parents," Stan shrugged. "What're you gonna do?"

\-----

Carly closed the door after receiving a bouquet of flowers from the delivery man. She grinned.

"Honey," she called.

"Yeah?" Daniel responded.

"You always find new ways to surprise me," she said. She showed off the flowers.

"Oh, well, finding out that those are not from me should continue that trend," Daniel said. He kissed Carly and she hummed in confusion, looking at the card attached.

"They're from Bruce," she said. "And they're not for me."

She showed Daniel the card.

"Oh."

\-----

"Thanks. Let me get these in some water."

"Martha, I thought you might like to know that this Bruce is quite a player," Carly warned as Martha set to work getting the flowers in a vase. "And I don't mean baseball. He's a 'player.'"

"Yeah. I got that," Martha nodded.

"He's cheated on all three of his ex-wives, including Denise," Carly revealed.

"Well, good thing I have no interest in becoming his wife," Martha said.

"...oh," Carly frowned slightly. "Well, why do you want to go out with him, then?"

"Why would I go on a date with a man I have no interest in marrying?" Martha questioned.

"Yeah. I mean, what's the point if you don't think it'll go anywhere?" Carly asked.

"...huh," Martha said. "How do I put this? I'm a grown woman, he's a grown man." Carly stayed silent. "It's been awhile since I've had some... fun."

"Ohhh, right," Carly nodded awkwardly. "Ok." She went to leave before turning back around. "You're not planning on having some fun _here_ , are you?"

"When I moved in, I thought you said something about no rules?" Martha said.

"'No rules' means 'Feel free to change the curtains', not 'Have sex with my friend's ex-husband in my guest house.'"

"Oh, I'm sorry! Is there a list somewhere of who I can and cannot socialize with?" Martha asked. "Exactly what base am I allowed to go to?"

"I am just asking you not to bring him back here," Carly said.

"I may not come home with Bruce, but that's only because I live with my mother and my sons," Martha said.

"Excellent," Carly nodded. "Enjoy the flowers."

"I will," Martha said as Carly left.

\-----

"I'll be right back."

"Where are you going?" Daniel asked.

"To see Dan," Ford said. "I figure it's best to invite someone to face a firing squad in person."

"I'll take you," Daniel offered.

"What?" Ford said.

"You want to go see Dan?" Daniel said. "I'm taking you."

"What- why?" Ford asked.

"I just want to make sure you don't stay too long," Daniel smiled. Ford groaned.

\-----

"So is this gonna be like some kind of interrogation?"

"It's going to be exactly like one," Ford nodded. "Only with cornbread and chili." The car horn honked from outside Dan's house. "Sorry, that's my dad."

"What, he's here?" Dan asked.

"Yeah, he drove me, don't ask," Ford sighed. He turned to shout at the window. "I will be there in a minute!"

Dan chuckled awkwardly.

"Uh- I don't think I can do this," he said.

"W-well Martha and Dipper will be there," Ford said. "So they can be like, human shields." The horn honked again. "Ok look, I really don't want to beg, but this was kind of an ultimatum."

Dan paused and sighed.

\-----

Ford got into the car and buckled in.

"Well, that was mortifying," he said.

"If you want to keep seeing this kid, we're gonna keep track of you," Daniel said.

"What is so awful about me seeing Dan?" Ford asked. Daniel chuckled dryly.

"Let me explain something to you about 19-year-old boys," he began. "They are pigs. They will tell you whatever you want to hear, they will do whatever it takes to get you into bed. And I don't know if it's the same for gay guys, but I'm going to keep an eye on you."

"Dan is not like that, Dad!" Ford defended. "Besides, I don't want to... do that, anyways."

"Not yet. But older boys are tricky like that."

\-----

Mabel was sitting in the kitchen, reading the newspaper.

"Honey," Carly smiled as she entered the room, "is that the article on the party? How is it?

"How much champagne did you have?" Mabel asked.

"Oh my gosh, what did I say?" Carly asked.

"I'm joking," Mabel grinned. "It's great! You look really nice."

"Oh," Carly smiled, taking the paper. "'We're all adjusting beautifully.' That's good, isn't it?"

"Yeah, it's like the truth," Mabel said. "Only better!"

\-----

"It says we were plucked from East Riverside- plucked! Like a couple'a gray hairs."

"Ssh! I'm reading how triumphantly Stanley and Dipper are handling their handicaps," Cassandra grinned.

"Exactly! Like we should all applaud that they can walk and talk at the same time," Martha complained as she tossed laundry in the basket.

"It's a puff piece, not a reality TV show," Cassandra said.

"They keep printing articles like this about us, it might just turn into one," Martha responded.

\-----

Mabel approached Dipper in the garage and held up the article.

"It's a great picture," she said. "Front page, too."

"...what do you want?" Dipper asked.

"I just want to talk," Mabel said. Dipper rolled his eyes and began packing up his stuff. "No, wait, uh-" She signed 'talk' in sign language. "Talk. I looked it up. Does that help? No? Ok, wait!" Dipper paused as he stood up. "You can't see me apologizing if you're walking away." Dipper sighed and sat down. "I'm sorry I wasn't very nice on Saturday night. I just- I've never had a brother date my ex before, a-and I didn't know how I was supposed to feel, I guess."

"However you feel, you shouldn't be policing me on who I'm allowed to date," Dipper glared.

"I know, I know," Mabel sighed. "My point is... I can get on board with you dating Candy. I'll back off, I'll be happy for you. For both of you."

"You're too late," Dipper said. "I already broke up with her."

"You did?" Mabel frowned.

"Yeah, happy?" Dipper asked.

"N-no," Mabel said. "I mean, I wasn't thrilled you were both together, but... I do want you to be happy. It was a messed up situation all around."

"...agreed," Dipper said quietly.

"Awkwardly sibling hug?" Mabel offered, opening her arms. Dipper smiled.

"Awkward sibling hug," he accepted. They hugged each other and Mabel patted his back.

\-----

"Martha, are you going to the laundromat? Use our machines."

"Yeah, thanks, but I can triumph over adversity all by myself," Martha said. Just then, Daniel came outside to meet them.

"Carly, did you read this article?" He asked, holding the newspaper.

"Thank you!" Martha said.

"Oh, hey Martha," Daniel said.

"Yeah, I read it," Carly frowned slightly. "I thought it was fine."

"Really? The part where they called Stanley and Dipper handicapped?" Martha questioned.

"Did it say that?" Carly's eyes widened.

"Yeah, right after you _plucked_ us from East Riverside," Martha told her.

"I'm talking about the part where we sound totally fine about missing out on raising our own sons," Daniel said.

"Where does it say that?" Carly asked.

"It's right here," Daniel pointed at the line. "'In a way, it's the best of both worlds. Our family is stronger than ever.' I never said that! We're in the middle of suing the hospital for emotional distress. This does not make us sound very distressed."

"Have that reporter talk to me next time," Martha scoffed. 

"That's exactly what I'm gonna do," Daniel said. "I'm gonna call her right now and ask for a follow-up article. I don't what anyone thinking that what happened to us is ok, especially not that hospital!"

\-----

"Did uh, Ford tell you that Dan is coming to dinner?"

"Dipper did," Martha said. The two moms were doing laundry in the main house. "I'm double booked with Bruce, but I can stay till 8:00."

"Have you ever had Dan over for dinner?" Carly asked.

"Sure, lots of times," Martha nodded.

"Would you be worried if Ford and Dan had dinner alone?" Carly asked.

"Is everybody sex-crazed in your world?" Martha looked confused.

"So you're telling me that I'm totally paranoid to think that the subject might have come up between the two of them?" Carly said. "...And I'm hoping you say yes."

"Shouldn't you be talking to him about this?" Martha asked.

"I tried," Carly sighed. "But 14 seconds into it he gets too uncomfortable to talk and runs out of the room. ...Ford is fine. He's smart. It's not Ford I'm worried about."

"Dan is smart, too," Martha defended.

"Good," Carly said. "Tell me more about him."

Martha looked at the other woman and sighed upon seeing she was serious.

"Alright, let's see," she said thoughtfully. "He was raised by his mom, he has three brothers, and he's a lumberjack, sort of. But that's not what you're asking."

"...do you think they're having sex?" Carly asked quietly.

"I don't know, Carly!" Martha said.

"Do you think they _might_ be having sex?" Carly rephrased.

"Have you seen Dan without a shirt?" Martha raised an eyebrow.

"No," Carly said. "...have you?"

"Now that's a washing machine," Martha said.

\-----

Ford was reading in his room when there was a knock on the door.

"Come in!" Ford called. Carly opened the door, holding a basket of laundry.

"You have a minute, honey?" She asked. Ford groaned.

"Dad already did the sex talk, Mom," he said.

"And I heard it went so well," Carly smiled, sitting down at the foot of the bed.

"Mom, really, sex ed taught me all about STDs and protection," Ford said.

"I'm not here to talk to you about that," Carly said.

"I'm not reckless!" Ford promised, squirming slightly. "I'm not into sexting or sending out naked pictures or whatever, I promise."

"All good things to hear."

"And if this is about love or something, r-really, I've got it," Ford said.

"You really think I don't have anything useful to tell you?" Carly asked. Ford stayed silent. Carly nodded and folded her hands, thinking carefully. "Sex. When it's with the right person, it can be wonderful. Should be wonderful. I'm not saying it has to be rose pedals and waffles in bed. It should be with someone who makes you feel... as amazing as you are... No matter what the circumstances."

"...but what if I don't... want to have sex?" Ford asked, frowning.

"What do you mean?" Carly asked.

"I mean... everyone is always saying that sex is great, and that when you love someone enough you can't _wait_ to do it," Ford began. "But ever since I even learned what sex what, it... it seems gross, or uncomfortable, or just... odd."

"Hm," Carly nodded. "Well honey, it's natural to feel scared about things that are unfamiliar. And if you're not ready, that's fine. But you need to tell Dan that."

"...ok."

\-----

Stan and Dipper were in the main house's kitchen, and were just about to leave when Mabel entered.

"Hi," she waved happily. "Where're you guys going?"

"Library," Dipper said.

"Mini golf," Stan lied. "We'll be back for dinner."

"Ooh, I love mini golf!" Mabel bounced. "Can I come?"

Stan hesitated.

"It's not mini golf," Dipper deadpanned.

"It's a poker game," Stan said. "Hey, you wanna come along? Someone just bailed and we need another."

"Sure!" Mabel grinned. "That still sounds fun."

"Great," Stan smiled. "I'll wait for you outside."

Stan left and Mabel went to get her jacket before Dipper stopped her.

"Listen to me, Mabel," he began quietly. "Lee plays a lot of... 'mini golf.' He doesn't always win. Last year, it took all of our birthday money from _lots_ of relatives to get him out of debt. Don't go."

"It's just a game," Mabel said. "Don't worry! I'll be careful."

"Mabel, I'm serious, this is a big mistake," Dipper said. "I know him a lot better than you do-"

"Here we go again," Mabel sighed.

"No, that's not what I mean," Dipper said. "I'm not competing with you. I promise, ok? I just-"

"Hello, you two," Carly greeted as she entered the room. "Dipper, hi."

"Bye, Mom," Mabel said, heading for the door.

"Where are you going?" Carly asked.

"Mini golf with Stan," Mabel smiled.

"Oh, that's fun," Carly smiled back. "Don't forget to wear sunscreen. Dinner's at 7:00."

"Ok!" Mabel called as she left.

\-----

Stan and Mabel had arrived at the game, which was being played inside one person's garage. Stan introduced everyone to Mabel.

"So this is your sister?" One guy asked.

"Uh- I guess, kind of," Stan said. "She's Dipper sister, y'know, from the whole switched thing?"

"Oh yeah man, that's cool," another guy smiled. The girl started to pass out sodas.

"Hey, can we get a couple of those?" Stan requested.

"Did you pay your membership fees?" The third guy raised an eyebrow.

"Just add it to the rest," Stan said. "Plus I need 400 for the lady."

"I think the bank might be getting a little overextended," the third guy said.

"Uh, I think 'the bank' is full of my money," Stan responded. "Just give me the chips."

"You didn't tell me it cost money to play," Mabel frowned slightly. Stan hesitated.

"Hey, I got it," the second guy said. "Can't let a lady hang."

Mabel smiled and the group all sat down at the poker table.

"Let's get started."

\-----

_Ford: Where are you guys?!_

Ford paced nervously after sending the text to Stan, Dipper, and Mabel. None of them had returned from where they were, and it was almost time for dinner. The doorbell rang and Ford hurried to answer.

"Hey," he greeted Dan.

"Hi," the older boy said. He was holding a bouquet of flowers.

"Abandon hope all ye who enter here," Ford joked nervously.

"That's not funny," Dan said.

"Sorry," Ford cleared his throat. He spotted the bouquet. "Oh, y-you didn't have to get me flowers."

"These are for your mom," Dan told him.

"...oh."

"Hi, Dan," Carly smiled as she entered the room. She hugged Dan. "Thank you for coming."

"Thank you for having me," Dan said. "You have a beautiful home."

"Thank you," Carly said.

"These are for you," Dan held the flowers up. Carly gasped softly.

"Ohh, thank you so much!" She giggled. She turned to Daniel as he appeared. "Looks like I got flowers after all!"

"Ah. Nice to see you in the light of day," Daniel shook Dan's hand.

"Nice to see you not parked in front of my house, sir," Dan nodded.

"So Dan, would you care for one of these?" Daniel asked, drinking from a beer bottle.

"It's a test," Ford said.

"No, just a soda, please," Dan said.

"Good answer," Daniel smiled.

"I'll go get it," Carly said, leaving the room.

"I'm gonna go stir the chili," Daniel said. "Make yourself at home, Dan."

"I'll try," Dan chuckled.

"Knock knock," Martha announced as she entered with her mother.

"Mm, smells good," Cassandra smiled.

"These family dinners are becoming a regular thing," Martha said. She turned to see Dan and Ford. "Hey!"

"Hey," Dan smiled, hugging the woman. Martha patted his back.

"No bullet holes, that's a good sign," she joked.

"I'm really glad you guys are here," Dan said.

"Daniel's not so bad," Martha said. "Just don't bring up politics. He does own guns."

"Ok," Dan nodded. "Where's Stan and Dipper?"

"Stanley is off playing mini golf with Mabel, and I believe Dipper is still at the library," Martha said. "Come on, let's get this started."

Dan turned to Ford when the women left.

"You said they'd be here," he said.

" _They_ said they would be here," Ford sighed. "But Martha and Cassandra are still here. We still have them outnumbered."

\-----

Meanwhile, at the poker game, the group was taking a break. Stan pulled Mabel off to the side, grinning.

"Mabel, you are _rocking_ at this!" He said.

"I forgot what we're playing!" Mabel grinned. Stan blinked and laughed.

"Well, whatever you're doing, don't change a thing," Stan told her. "But do make sure you don't get higher than me, ok? They'd never let a newbie clean 'em out."

"Actually, Stan, we need to get going," Mabel said. "We have that dinner with Ford and his boyfriend, remember?"

"No no, just a few more hands," Stan begged. "We're doing so well!"

"We're already late," Mabel frowned. "We need to go."

"Uh- ok look, I didn't want to say anything," Stan began quietly. "But I owe that dude," he pointed, "a little money. Not a lot. But some. All I need is a few more hands like we've been playing and I'm in the clear."

"Well then just play without me," Mabel said. "I can't bail on my bro-bro."

"No no no!" Stan panicked. "I need you! You're like, really good! Please?"

"...ok."

\-----

The doorbell rang and Martha answered to see Bruce.

"Hi," she smiled.

"Hello," he nodded. "You look... amazing."

"So do you," Martha said.

"Thank you," Bruce smiled. Cassandra appeared in the doorway to the other room. "Hi."

"Oh, uh, this is my mom, Cassandra," Martha introduced.

"Charmed," Bruce said as he shook Cassandra's hand. "Clearly you are responsible for your daughter's beauty."

"Ahh, I think I'm going to keep an eye on you," Cassandra smiled.

"Bruce, hi!" Carly greeted, entering the room and hugging Bruce. "Good to see you again. I'm so glad you're here. I wanted to send a Buckner bulletin to Isabelle. Is she still at the Dixon Drive house?"

"I believe so," Bruce nodded. There was a pause in conversation.

"Who's Isabelle?" Martha asked.

"My ex-wife," Bruce said. Martha nodded.

"And you wouldn't happen to have Sabrina's new address, would you?" Carly asked.

"I'll get it to you later on, certainly," Bruce said.

"Thank you," Carly smiled. Martha looked at Bruce questioningly.

"She's my other ex-wife," he said.

"Right," Martha nodded. "And I know about Denise, so I think we're covered."

"Hey Bruce, what's going on?" Daniel came in and shook Bruce's hand.

"Hey, how are you doing, Daniel?" Bruce asked.

"Good."

"Nice article in _The Herald,_ " Bruce said.

"Oh yeah," Daniel nodded.

"Yes, it was," Carly nodded. "Except for the part about the handicap. Not our words."

"Yeah, well, I think that _The Herald_ should consult a dictionary," Bruce said. "Last time I checked, straight As and a wicked jump shot didn't qualify as a handicap."

"Well said," Martha smiled.

"That's just what I've heard," Bruce said. "I haven't had the pleasure of meeting Stanley or Dipper yet."

"Plenty of time for that," Daniel nodded. "No rush."

"And I'm sure I can make that decision," Martha added.

"Ok," Bruce said.

"We should go, we don't want to be late," Martha said.

"Oh wait what- wait, you're leaving? Hi," Ford hurried into the room, Dan right behind him. "You're leaving? You can't."

"We have a reservation," Martha smiled apologetically. She turned to Bruce. "I'm gonna go grab my wrap."

"I'll bring the car around," Bruce said. "It was nice seeing all of you again."

"Bye, Bruce," Carly smiled.

"Actually, will you excuse me?" Cassandra said. "I think I should go and help Martha find that wrap."

She quickly left the front room.

"...And then there were four," Ford said quietly.

\-----

"How's the chili, Dan? Not too spicy for you?"

"No sir," Dan responded. "Bring it on."

"Don't invite it," Ford warned.

"So Stanford didn't tell me what school you go to," Daniel said.

"Actually, I got my GED," Dan said.

"I was talking about college," Daniel corrected. "But that's good to know."

"Daniel never went to college," Carly said.

"No, I played Major League Baseball," Daniel said. "It's called a career."

"Dan has a career too," Ford spoke up. "In construction."

"Oh," Carly nodded.

"Well, um, actually I got- I got laid off," Dan said.

"...oh. I'm sorry to hear that," Daniel said. "So, no college, no job- any plans at all?"

"Dad, please," Ford sighed. "Dan has a plan."

"It's ok," Dan said. "I do. I do have a plan."

"Great," Daniel smiled. "I'm interested. Tell me."

There was a tense pause.

"Well, I've enlisted in the army," Dan revealed. Ford's face turned to one of shock.

"...Well, that's, uh- that's great," Daniel said, looking at Carly. "Congratulations. You honor your country by serving."

"Thank you," Dan said, avoiding Ford's eyes.

"Stanford, you never told us that Dan enlisted," Carly said.

"I... guess I forgot to mention it," Ford said softly.

"So that's a pretty serious time commitment, right?" Daniel asked.

"It's nine weeks basic training and then three years active duty," Dan nodded.

"That's a long stretch," Daniel said. "When do you head out?"

"...I leave for Fort Benning on Thursday."

\-----

Ford was roughly shoving dishes into the dishwasher. Dan entered the kitchen carrying the salad bowl.

"I-I didn't mean for it to come out that way," he said.

"Well clearly, you didn't mean for it to come out at all," Ford growled.

"I was gonna tell you," Dan promised.

"When? On a postcard from Afghanistan?" Ford asked.

"Look, Ford, I know you don't get this, but it is the right thing for me," Dan said. "You-you're options are like Harvard or Princeton, going to Europe or volunteering in Africa for a year."

"That is unfair," Ford said.

"No offense, but this is why I wanted Martha and Stan and Dipper here," Dan said.

"Because I couldn't _possibly_ understand?" Ford near yelled.

"Look," Dan sighed. "All the guys that I grew up with, half the guys on my crew, they'll take any excuse to go and get drunk on some Tuesday. It's like their lives are already over and they're just marking time. I don't want it to be like that for me."

"That's not you," Ford said.

"We're not the same, Ford," Dan said. "Look- look where you live, alright? Things might have been different if-"

"If the universe hadn't tossed me into a totally different continuum?" Ford finished. "You're actually doing this? You're going to go?"

"...yeah," Dan nodded.

"Fine then," Ford said. "Go."

"Ok," Dan said quietly, getting up to leave. "See you later."

\-----

The poker game was still going strong. One guy looked at his cards for a bit.

"Come on man, we don't have all night," Stan complained.

"Alright, chill dude," the guy said. "I'll go for the full G."

"I'm not getting into this," the one girl said. She stood up and left the table.

"You're betting $1000?" Mabel asked in shock. Stan glanced at the guy's leg to see it was shaking. His tell.

"I'll raise you again," Stan said, setting two small piles of chips in the center. Mabel watched anxiously.

"What do you got there, bro?" The guy smiled.

"It'll cost you to find out," Stan smirked.

"Alright, uh- two grand."

"Last card," Stan said. Mabel flipped the last card over.

"Alright. I'm in for a three with three more zeros," the guy bet. His leg bounced.

"I'm going all in," Stan said.

"You are a wild man!" The guy grinned. "Always loved that about you."

Stan turned over his cards.

"Beat this flush," he bragged. The guy smirked.

"Sorry bro," he turned his cards over. "Full house- queens over eights."

Stan's face fell and Mabel looked worried.

"Hey, I'll add it to your tab, alright?" The guy said as he dragged the chips towards him.

\-----

"Nobody even touched the brownies."

Carly sat sadly at the small table in the kitchen, while Daniel cleaned up a bit.

"Want one?" She offered, holding up the plate.

"No, no," he turned them down. Carly sighed and took a brownie.

"I thought you'd be secretly happy," she said.

"What, that that kid is going off to war?" Daniel asked as he sat down.

"No, not that he's going off to war, just... he won't be around," Carly clarified.

"If it's not Dan, it's gonna be some other boy coming around the corner," Daniel said.

"Yeah. Genie's out of the bottle," Carly said.

"...seems like I was pushing him in that swing a week ago," Daniel said. Carly moved around to sit beside him.

"Did you see his face at dinner?" She asked. Daniel nodded.

"I used to strap him into that swing to make sure he didn't fall out," he continued. Carly chuckled. "Made him wear a helmet and elbow pads. ...how do I keep him from getting his heart broken?"

Carly shook her head sadly.

\-----

"And that pancetta, it flavored the whole sauce!"

Martha sighed, sitting in Bruce's car as he drove.

"I wanted to take a bath in it," she said.

"It's a shame you didn't enjoy your meal," Bruce joked. Martha laughed.

"You don't understand," she said. "My son does all the cooking and he's a vegetarian." Bruce nodding in understanding. "Do you know how many portobello mushrooms burgers I have suffered through?"

Bruce laughed.

"Well, I'd offer you a nightcap but perhaps you'd prefer skewers instead," he smiled.

"I bet you have a spare freezer full of steaks, don't you?" Martha asked. Bruce chuckled.

"I also have my sons tonight," he said. "They're watching _Lord of the Rings_ with their friends and I doubt they're even out of Helm's Deep yet."

"Oh. Well, my place is out, that's for sure," Martha sighed.

"Kinda makes you feel like a teenager, doesn't it?" Bruce asked. Martha laughed.

"...you wanna go park somewhere?" She suggested. Bruce looked at her with playful shock.

"Miss Oaks," he said.

"Don't worry about my reputation, honey," Martha teased. "That was gone a looong time ago."

\-----

"No no no, this is not good."

Stan slammed his car door behind him. Mabel frowned, stepping out as well.

"Damn it damn it damn it!" Stan yelled, kicking the garage door.

"What even happened?" Mabel asked.

"I thought he was bluffing!" Stan said angrily. "He kept shaking his leg- he always does that when he doesn't have anything!"

"M-maybe he just had to pee?" Mabel suggested. "Or maybe he's just really hyper."

"You know what I don't understand?" Stan ignored her. "I've never had a problem with this before- the only thing different this time was you were there."

"What- are you saying it's my fault?" Mabel frowned.

"I don't know!" Stan threw his hands up. "All I know is that you were the only thing different this game, and this is the game I lose big time! Do you even know how much I lost tonight?"

"I-I don't know," Mabel whimpered. "$3000? $4000?"

"Never mind," Stan shook his head and stomped off.

\-----

Ford was in his garage when he got a text. He looked at his phone and then slowly set it down.

_Dan: I need to see you. Can you come by?_

\-----

Ford passed by Martha as he was leaving.

"Oh, hey," Ford said.

"Hey," Martha smiled. She was carrying her shoes. "Isn't it a beautiful night? Oh, how'd the rest of the dinner go?"

"Great," Ford said sarcastically. "Until Dan happened to mention he's leaving for the army in three days."

Martha sighed.

"I'm sorry," she said.

"...you're not even surprised," Ford frowned.

"Well, it's what a lot of guys from his neighborhood do," Martha said. "I-It's a different world than this one."

"So I keep hearing," Ford nodded.

"You- you want to talk about it?" Martha asked, sitting on the stairs outside the guest house.

"Um- I'm actually just gonna head out," Ford said.

"You know what's gonna happen if you go there, right?" Martha asked.

"Is there an unspoken rule I don't know about?" Ford said. "Because you are third in line with the sex talk."

"Well, then I guess you've heard about being safe," Martha said.

"Yes, but you don't have to worry about it," Ford groaned. "I don't want to!"

"Alright, well, whatever happens... just know that it won't change anything," Martha said. "No matter what, he's still going. It won't make him stay."

"...I know."

\-----

Ford unrolled a poster. On the paper was a male figure with a red plaid jacket and a bisexual wrap around his neck and down over his shoulders. It blew sideways, as though in a wind, and the figure stood tall, leaning on an axe in his hand.

"I want you to have this," he said to Dan. "You can hang it up in Iraq or Afghanistan or wherever you end up. Mabel and I thought it was about time to take the Pride Posters global. Show the rest of the world that we're here."

"This- this is really awesome," Dan grinned. "Thank you. ...Listen, you know that I was-"

"Dan, don't," Ford laughed. "Whatever big, romantic goodbye you've prepared- you did prepare one, right?"

"Yes," Dan nodded.

"Good," Ford smiled, but there were tears in his eyes. "But I don't want to hear it. Whatever you have to say, just... say it when you get back."

"Ford, I don't know-"

"I mean it," Ford interrupted, his voice breaking. "Don't. Because if you say the L word right now..." Ford began to cry, "I'm going to be so mad at you for doing this to me. A-and if you don't, I'm going to be mad at you for not saying it, so..."

"Alright," Dan nodded. "Then I'm just not going to say anything."

They stood for a minute before leaning in for one last kiss.

\-----

Ford entered the kitchen, where Carly was sitting at the counter and reading.

"Oh, honey," she said softly upon seeing how upset he was. "You didn't know he was leaving, did you?"

"No," Ford whimpered.

"Oh, sweetheart," Carly whispered, standing up to hug him.

"I'm gonna miss him so much," Ford sobbed.

"I know, honey," Carly said. "I know."

\-----

Dan stood outside his home, saying goodbye to Martha, Cassandra, Stan, and Dipper.

"You take care," Martha said when she hugged him. Dan nodded and looked to the twins.

"I will miss you," he told them.

"Stay safe," Dipper said before hugging him.

\-----

Dipper was working on homework in the guest house when Mabel poked her head in.

"Hey," she said.

"Hey," Dipper looked up at her. "What's up?"

"...you were right," Mabel said. "About Stan- poker."

"Oh no," Dipper sighed. "What happened?"

"I'm not completely sure," Mabel frowned. "But he lost a lot."

A car started outside and she turned, moving to go outside and see. Dipper followed her, confused. Stan was loading some things into his car.

"Hey, need help?" Dipper asked. Stan didn't answer. "Where are you going?"

"Pawnshop," Stan said shortly. "Got any more questions?"

Dipper and Mabel looked at each other as Stan drove off.

"How much did he lose?" Dipper asked.

"He wouldn't say," Mabel said.

"That means it's really bad," Dipper worried.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings:  
> Ableism (light-medium)  
> Transphobia (mention)

Ford was sitting in his bed, looking at the picture Stan had given him on his computer. He smiled slightly, messing with the photo a bit before spotting something in the windshield. He clicked on it, enlarging it to fill the screen. It was a parking pass. He zoomed in more, but the image got more blurry. Just then, there was a knock on his door.

"Uh- come in!" He called, quickly switching tabs to an essay. Carly opened the door.

"I saved you some dinner," she said. "Dipper made it."

"Is it vegetarian?" Ford asked skeptically.

"Yes, but it's actually really good," Carly smiled. "Take a break. Try some."

Ford sighed and closed his laptop.

\-----

Ford sat at the counter, eating the dinner Dipper had made right out of the pan, while Dipper, Mabel, and Carly cleaned up.

"What was this called again?" Carly asked.

"Pastichio," Dipper answered. "It's a Greek lasagna, but instead of lamb, I used tofu."

"It actually is good," Ford nodded.

"Not much coming from a guy who nearly burns the house down making mac and cheese," Mabel teased.

"You set a fire making _mac and cheese_?" Dipper gaped.

"It was one time-!" Ford began.

"While he was still opening the box!" Mabel giggled.

"Did you learn to make this at your school?" Carly asked Dipper.

"No. Carlton only offers Home Ec," Dipper said.

"You know, Buckner Hall offers-" Carly cut herself off, looking at Ford and Mabel.

"Buckner what?" Ford said.

"I was just thinking about the advanced cooking classes that Buckner has," Carly said.

"Uh, no, thank you," Ford turned down. "I don't think I'd even be allowed in."

"Not for you!" Carly sighed. "For Dipper."

"...oh," Ford said.

"Oh, yeah!" Mabel grinned. "I used to take them! But then I got banned."

"How did you get banned...?" Dipper asked.

"Everything I baked seemed to explode," Mabel shrugged.

"Would you mind if Dipper took a class at your school?" Carly asked.

"I guess not," Ford said.

"Sure, go ahead!" Mabel grinned. Dipper smiled.

"They're really great," Carly told him. "They're taught by local chefs. I think I could arrange for you to take one, if you're interested."

"Yeah, yes," Dipper nodded excitedly. He looked at the other two. "But are you guys sure you're ok with it?"

"We already basically live in the same house," Ford said. "If we can't handle seeing you at our school for an hour a day, we've got bigger problems."

\-----

Ford was leaving to go back upstairs when Stan appeared.

"Hey, brother," he greeted, seeming a bit twitchy.

"Hello," Ford raised an eyebrow.

"Hey, you wouldn't mind helping me out with something, would you?" Stan asked.

"Uh, sure-?"

"I need a loan," Stan said.

"What for?" Ford asked.

"That doesn't matter," Stan said shortly. Ford shook his head.

"Sorry Stan, but I'm saving up for spring break," he said.

"I'll pay you back," Stan promised.

"I'm sorry, but I'd rather not give any out right now," Ford repeated, moving to go upstairs.

"It's just 200 bucks!" Stan exclaimed, catching Ford's upper arm.

"Hey!" Ford said. Stan looked at him.

"Please, Sixer. I need this," he said.

"Ok, fine," Ford said slowly. He tugged his arm back.

"Thank you," Stan said.

\-----

Dipper was going through his kitchen, getting tools and supplies for his first day of cooking class.

"...we don't have any of the right stuff," he worried. "Maybe I should go check Carly's kitchen."

"It's Buckner Hall," Martha said. "I'm sure they have measuring spoons in class. And they probably have your name engraved on the handle." Dipper stared at her. "Ok, relax."

"i just want to be prepared," Dipper said.

"You're gonna do fine," Martha promised. "The interpreter will meet you in class."

"You got me an interpreter?" Dipper said.

"Well, the principal had already lined someone up when I called," Martha explained.

"No! I don't want one!" Dipper said. "It's like having a stalker."

"Sweetie, do you remember what it was like when you went to a hearing school?" Martha asked.

"I was eight," Dipper said. "I can read lips now, I'll be fine. If I can make it through a Pines family dinner, I can make it through a cooking class."

"Yeah, fair enough," Martha sighed. "Even I can't make it through one of those."

\-----

At school, Mabel and Ford were giving Dipper a tour of the place.

"The library is right there," Mabel pointed. "And the swimming pool and gym are to the left."

"I still can't get over it," Dipper said. "This place is like a resort.

"Yeah, our Latin motto actually means 'The haves and the have mores'," Ford said. "Hey, has Stan tried to borrow money from either of you?"

"No. He hasn't really talked to me since the whole poker thing," Mabel frowned.

"He sold his bike, brass knuckles, and a bunch of other stuff and he still seems really desperate," Dipper said.

"He's lost money before, right?" Ford asked. "And he's always come out ok?"

"...yeah."

"Oh, here we are!" Mabel stopped the two of them. "The lab kitchen is right through there."

Dipper let out a deep breath.

"You'll do fine," Ford smiled.

"Just stay away from the girls I've dated," Mabel joked. "I'll make you a list!"

Dipper smiled and headed inside.

\-----

Meanwhile, Stan was sitting outside a restaurant with the guy from the poker night who had won.

"Wait, is this all of it?" He asked.

"It's $4000," Stan said quietly. "I'm working on the rest."

"Come on, you're putting me in a tight spot here," the guy said.

"I know, I'm good for it," Stan promised. "I just need a little more time."

"I don't have time," the guy hissed. "I bet big on Notre Dame last week and lost my shirt."

"Dude, you've got a problem," Stan said.

"Says the guy who owes me ten grand," the guy glared. "My point is, I am in the hole, and Hinckley is not as understanding with me as I am with you."

"What's he gonna do, break your kneecaps?" Stan asked.

"I don't want to find out," the guy said.

"...I might have a plan," Stan said. "But I'd need your help."

"What is it?"

"My brother is taking a class at this super fancy rich school..."

\-----

Daniel was golfing with a friend.

"So I saw the article on you in _The Herald_ ," the man said. "Sounds like things are working out with the whole new situation."

Dale, I know you're a member of the hospital board," Daniel said. "We probably shouldn't be talking about this."

"It's ok," Dale waved it off. "About to get settled, right?"

"Yeah, we'll see," Daniel said.

"Pretty good offer, from what I hear," Dale said.

"Actually, it's less than a quarter of our demand," Daniel said.

"Well I don't have to tell you what we're up against," Dale said. "Budget cuts, soaring costs."

"I don't have to tell you what my family's been up against," Daniel said.

"And everybody admires the way you're handling it, but the hospital is part of this community," Dale countered. "You really wanna be the guy who puts it under because you feel you're entitled to a huge payday?"

Daniel chuckled dryly.

"That is so out of line," he said.

"I'm speaking to you as a friend," Dale said. "You break the hospital, next thing you know, your line of credit dries up at the bank and then your dealerships take their contracts to some other car wash chain. And then what are you left with besides your settlement?"

"...is that a threat?" Daniel asked.

"It's a reality check," Dale said. "Hospital doesn't have what you're asking for." Daniel stared at him. "Come on Daniel, it was human error. We need to do better. And we will. We have. But let's get this thing over with, settle, and move on. For everybody's sake."

\-----

"Now anyone can dazzle with a flavorful cassoulet or a slow cooked osso buco, but the test of a true chef is what they do with simple fare. So today we're going to be making burgers and fries."

The class murmured happily among themselves.

"Piece of cake," Pacifica, who was working with Dipper, scoffed.

"Now, the secret to a good burger is the thickness of the patty," the teacher continued, turning around to grab something.

"What's the secret?" Dipper asked Pacifica, having missed the end of the sentence.

"Let's just say that size matters," Pacifica joked.

"So garlic gloves, bread crumbs, bacon, all make nice fillers," the teacher was saying. Dipper raised a hand. "Yes?"

"How do you feel about black bean veggie burgers?" He asked.

"Flappy wedgie burgers?" The teacher questioned. The students began to laugh.

"No, black bean..." Dipper looked around at the class and trailed off. "Never mind."

\-----

Fiddleford was sitting at the base of a tree outside the building, reading a book.

"Fiddleford!" Ford called. "Oh, uh-" He moved in front of the boy and waved, getting him to look up. "Are you waiting for Dipper?"

Fiddleford nodded. Ford spotted a bundle of photographs in Fiddleford's pocket and pointed at them.

"Can I look?" He asked. Fiddleford nodded again and pulled the pictures out. Ford looked through them and sat down, seeing that they were all edited in some way. "These are really good!"

 _They're Bella's,_ Fiddleford signed. _I just edit them._

"Bella's?" Ford repeated. Fiddleford pointed at the picture Ford had. "Oh."

Ford handed it over. It was the picture Stan had given him, but the colors were messed with. Fiddleford pointed at Martha's pregnancy belly and then at Ford.

"Yes, that's Stan and me," Ford smiled. "But uh, Martha doesn't know I have it, so..."

He mimed zipping his lips shut and throwing away the key. Fiddleford smiled and copied him. He looked back at the picture and pointed at the car.

"It's my dad's, I think," Ford said. "Whoever that is... You see the parking sticker in the windshield? I thought it might tell me where he lived or worked." Fiddleford mimed something expanding with his hands. "Yes, yes I tried enlarging it, but it just got all blurry. ...you don't know how to um, enlarge the image and then sharpen it, do you?" Fiddleford nodded. "You do? If I sent you a jpeg, could you do that for me?"

 _Sure,_ Fiddleford mouthed.

"Thank you!" Ford grinned.

\-----

"And now while your fries are cooking, whip up your aioli sauce."

"Could you pass me the lemons?" Dipper asked.

"Sure," Pacifica did so. Another student's bell went off.

"When the bell rings, remove the fries, shake off the grease, and let them cool," the teacher instructed.

"Wow, you are really good at this stuff," Pacifica told Dipper. The boy smiled as he mixed the sauce in a bowl.

"Why are you taking this class?" He asked.

"I need an easy A," Pacifica shrugged. "And my mom made me."

"Don't be shy with the garlic," the teacher said. "More garlic means more flavor."

"Could you get me another egg?" Dipper asked. Pacifica nodded and left their station to the fridge. After a few seconds, their bell went off.

"Ms. Pacifica, do you intend to let your partner do all the work?" The teacher asked, pulling her off to the side.

"What? No. Never," Pacifica responded. Neither of them noticed that Dipper was still mixing the sauce and not getting the fries.

"Tell me about the last meal you cooked," the teacher said.

"I cooked Poptarts thing morning for breakfast," Pacifica said. The fries began to boil over and steam up.

"A meal which included more ingredients," the teacher clarified.

"...crushed peanut butter?" Pacifica guessed. Another student finally noticed Dipper's fries.

"Hey, new guy!" She called, walking over. "Um, new kid?" Dipper looked up at her once she walked in front of him. "The bell means your fries are done."

Dipper turned to see the smoke.

"Oh no no no!" He cried, running over to pull the baskets out just as the fire alarm began going off. Everyone held their ears and Dipper stood there, looking around the room in shame.

\-----

"I'm so sorry about the fire."

"It was an accident, honey," Carly assured. The two of them were sitting in the principal's office. "No one's blaming you."

"Of course not," the principal said. "But for liability purposes, we are going to have to require that you have an interpreter with you on school grounds from now on."

"What?" Dipper's eyes widened. "No! I don't want an interpreter! I-I'll just- focus more next time. I promise nothing like this will ever happen again. Please!"

"Is that really necessary, Mr. Thatcher?" Carly asked.

"I'm afraid so," Thatcher said. Dipper sighed and sat back in his chair.

"Well maybe we could try an interpreter for a while and if things go well-" Carly began.

"Mason, I know this can be difficult," Thatcher said. Dipper flinched slightly, but didn't say anything. "My granddaughter has a deaf friend, but she has a Cochlear implant. Have you ever considered that? It's worked wonders for her."

Dipper stayed silent.

\-----

"I'm already the deaf boy who set the kitchen on fire. Now I have to be the deaf boy with the weird sidekick."

"I'm sorry," Carly said softly. "...so, _have_ you ever thought of a Cochlear implant?"

"No," Dipper said.

"...It's just-" Carly stopped Dipper and stood in front of him. "I've read a little about it. And I know it's not the same as regular hearing, but you can have a conversation on the phone or listen to music or laughter. I'm just... not getting it, why it's so terrible." The bell rang and students flooded the hall. "That's the bell."

"I'm sorry again about the fire," Dipper repeated.

"It's ok," Carly said. She watched as Dipper walked off.

\-----

Ford was sitting outside studying when Fiddleford pulled up in his car.

"Hey," Ford waved, packing up his stuff. "Uh- what are you doing here?"

Fiddleford grabbed a sheet of paper from the passenger seat and handed it to Ford.

"You were able to read the parking sticker?" Ford asked excitedly. Fiddleford shook his head and pointed at the paper. "The address where my dad's car is? How did you get this?" Fiddleford pointed again. "Oh. The license plate number. I guess that's more useful than the parking sticker. I've had that picture for weeks and somehow I never thought of doing that. You're a genius."

Fiddleford shrugged and smiled.

"How do you say 'thank you' in sign language?" Ford asked. Fiddleford showed him. Ford copied it. "Thank you." He looked back at the paper. "So this is where the car was last year. Maybe it's still there! A-and maybe if we find the car, we can trace the ownership back to my dad!"

Fiddleford patted the passenger seat beside him.

"Oh, you want to go there now," Ford realized.

 _Why not?_ Fiddleford mouthed.

"Oh," Ford glanced around. "What the hell? Sure."

He stepped around and got into the car, pulling the seat belt over him.

\-----

Dipper entered the cooking classroom the next day, avoiding eye contact with anyone. An old man followed behind him.

"Hey, morning," Pacifica smiled. The man signed to interpret.

"I got it," Dipper told him. "This is my interpreter, Sam."

"Hi," Pacifica waved. "Hey, could you by any chance burn down my history classroom? There's a paper I didn't write."

Dipper laughed.

"Not funny," he said.

"Oh come on, I'm just kidding," Pacifica said. "Well, actually, I didn't do that paper."

Dipper glanced behind Pacifica to see two girls watching him and giggling. Pacifica turned to see them.

"Hey, something I can help you with?" She asked loudly. "No? Well then get back to your frittata, Clover." The girl's faces dropped and Pacifica turned back to Dipper. "The chick's named after a flower. What do you expect?"

"Thanks," Dipper smiled.

"Hey, um, what are you doing after class?" Pacifica asked. "You wanna get out of here? Maybe like, steal a school bus, follow Bruno Mars on tour?" Dipper chuckled. "But do we have to bring along the human subtitle machine? I mean, no offense, dude."

The interpreter nodded it off.

"Today, we'll be making gazpacho," the teacher announced. Dipper watched his interpreter as he signed her words. "Which requires no heating whatsoever." Dipper shrank a bit. "So someone from each row should come up and get a box of ingredients."

"I'll be right back," Pacifica volunteered.

"Each group will need a large bowl and a knife to chop up the tomatoes..." the teacher continued. Dipper looked around the class and back at the two girls from before. They were saying something, but Dipper couldn't see what.

 _What did that girl say?_ Dipper asked his interpreter. The man hesitated. _Tell me._

 _She said 'This is what happens when special needs charity cases are forced on the rest of us,'_ the man signed.

\-----

"Dale really said that? He doesn't strike me as the type to make threats."

"It's a scare tactic," Daniel said. Him and Carly were out having coffee. "Hospital board obviously thinks I'm some kind of a spineless wimp who's gonna fold as soon as they flash their swords."

"What if he's right about people retaliating against us?" Carly worried.

"Eh, let 'em try," Daniel said.

"Honey..."

"I'm serious!" Daniel said. "Let them try. This is about what happened to us. The only way that hospital is ever gonna change is if it costs them, and it costs them big. That's the way these things work. Trust me."

\-----

Fiddleford's car pulled into a car junkyard. Ford frowned as he stepped out and looked around.

"No way," he said. "Great." Fiddleford waved him into the junkyard. "What for? We'll never find the car in there. And even if we do, it won't do us any good." Fiddleford pointed at his eyes and then around a bit. "I hope that's sign language for 'Because there's a wizard in there who will make all your dreams come true.'"

Fiddleford smiled and held out a hand. Ford sighed and took it, allowing himself to be led into the field of old cars. After a bit of looking around, Ford pointed ahead.

"Look. There. I think that's the license plate," he said. He went around to the side and opened the driver's door. He sat in the seat, looking around the interior of the car. Nothing came up. "There's nothing here."

He stood for a minute before angrily kicking the door.

"...I don't know what I was thinking," he said, breathing heavily. "That we drive up to my dad's house and he'd throw open his arms like 'There you are! I've been waiting for you for 16 years.' ...I'm sorry." Fiddleford looked at him, smiling apologetically. "...you know what's amazing? You are the best listener I know."

\-----

Dipper was walking out of class and out of the building, hunched slightly with his arms folded. He watched as the other students looked at him and whispered. He watched the sidewalk as he approached the street, not seeing the car fast approaching. The next thing he knew, a pair of hands was yanking him backwards. The crowd gasped and yelled, and the driver slammed to a stop.

"What the hell are you thinking?!" He yelled. "Why don't you watch where you're going?"

He drove off. Dipper was standing in shock and panic.

"Are you ok?" Pacifica asked. "Dipper? Are you ok?"

Dipper didn't answer, looking around at the crowd that had appeared.

\-----

Dipper closed the guest house door behind him. Martha was sitting in the living room, knitting.

"Hey, Dipper," she smiled. "How was school?"

"...why didn't you get me the Cochlear?" Dipper asked, ignoring his mom's question.

"What?" Martha looked confused.

"Did you consider it for me?" Dipper asked. "For us?"

"Of course," Martha frowned. "I mean, before I met Tate an-and Fiddleford, and learned better."

"Do you think it's too late for me?" Dipper asked, sitting down. "I mean, I know it works better if you get it when you're little."

"Well, that's true," Martha nodded. "But it's not impossible. If you want it, we can look into it. ...did something happen today?"

"I almost got ran over," Dipper said quietly.

"What?" Martha gaped. "Honey, you have to be careful."

"I know. I usually am," Dipper said. "And I... accidentally started a fire in cooking class because I couldn't hear the bell."

Martha sighed.

"'Cause they don't have timers with lights," she said. "Next time, just bring your own."

"I can't always bring my own deaf stuff everywhere," Dipper argued.

"Of course you can," Martha insisted. "You compensate. You work twice as hard, like you always do."

"What if I don't want to work twice as hard and compensate?" Dipper asked. "What if I just want to have it a little easier, be more like everyone else?"

"Too bad, because you never will be," Martha said softly. "Who brought it up? Daniel? Carly?"

"...she was just asking," Dipper said. Martha sighed. "It's ok; she's allowed to ask. She's just curious. All hearing people are curious about it."

"You are part of an amazing community," Martha said. "You have your own language and your own history. You get a Cochlear, and suddenly you're nowhere. You're not deaf, you're not hearing."

"I know, I know, and I don't need the whole deaf pride speech right now," Dipper sighed. Martha nodded.

"You want me to talk to them?" She asked.

"No. Please, no," Dipper begged. Martha sighed and nodded.

\-----

Ford was digging around the backseat of the car and found a guitar pick on a rope on the passenger seat.

"I guess someone played guitar," he showed it to Fiddleford. The boy looked at it, frowning slightly. He pointed and then began signing quickly. "Woah woah woah, slow down! I have no clue what you're saying."

Fiddleford nodded and thought for a minute. He signed Stan and Dipper's sign names.

"Stan and Dipper," Ford said. Fiddleford pointed at himself. "You." Ford watched as the other continued the charades. "Were short? Stan, Dipper and you were- you were kids! You found a guitar. You- you opened a guitar case. You saw... You didn't see a guitar. This is a really good game of charades! Sorry, keep going. ...Someone walked in. M. M, my M. Martha! Martha walked in and saw you guys! And... freaked out. Then what happened?" 

Fiddleford shrugged 'I don't know.' 

"What? No, come on!" Ford cried. "You- you don't know anything else? You can't guess or- or something? Come on, please, more information!" Fiddleford continued to gesture. "...she took the guitar case away. ...Ok, so maybe the guitar case is my dad's, and maybe the stuff inside could help me find him. ...you can drive... and open things. Oh, garage, garage! Your garage! Ok, Martha, she left boxes. Boxes! She has boxes in your garage! Maybe the guitar case is there! Could we go look now? ...tomorrow?"

Fiddleford smiled and nodded.

"It's a date," Ford grinned.

\-----

"But we have to wait 'till it's dark and everyone's gone home."

"Oh really?" The other guy asked. Him and Stan were sitting outside the restaurant again. "I thought broad daylight might be better."

"Hey, I'm serious," Stan said. "We can't screw this up, alright?"

"How do we even get in?" The guy asked. Stan passed over a card.

"I stole it from my brother," he said. "It'll get us into the south entrance of the school."

"Why does your brother have this?" The guy questioned.

"My biological one, from the switch, apparently he's always coming by after school for stuff, I dunno," Stan said. "Point is, I just need to get in and steal the test. Trust me, the kids at this school are so rich and spoiled they'll pay to cheat instead of actually study."

"How much are you charging?"

"Thinking $1000," Stan said. The guy's jaw dropped in shock. "Hey, don't underestimate how lazy these dumbasses are. I've been on the campus."

"Whatever," the guy sighed. "Hinckley is gonna put my ass in a sling if I don't pay. So I'm trusting you."

\-----

Carly was stuffing envelopes when there was a knock at the door. She turned to see who it was.

"Come in," she called. Martha entered the kitchen.

"Hi."

"Hi," Carly greeted. "I have to stuff 500 envelopes by tomorrow. God knows why I volunteer for these things all the time."

"I was gonna make up some reason for being here," Martha said. "I thought about light bulbs or trash bags."

"You're welcome to both," Carly said.

"I promised Dipper I wouldn't say anything," Martha said.

"Is this about the Cochlear conversation?" Carly asked, removing her glasses.

"He never wanted one before," Martha said. "Now suddenly, with you two-"

"I just think it's worth a family conversation about the pros and the cons," Carly interrupted as she stood up.

"Do you know that they have to cut open his brain to install it?" Martha asked. "Do you know that it's permanent? That they can't remove it and the long term risks are unknown?"

"Hold on, hold on," Carly said. "I was just asking a question like I would about any treatment."

"It's not a treatment," Martha said angrily. "He's not sick."

"...I just- I don't understand why you didn't get it for him when he was little," Carly said. "He was a baby. He couldn't ask for it. You're his mother. What kind of mother doesn't want her child to hear?"

"You are not getting it," Martha shook her head.

"Tell me, what am I not getting?" Carly asked.

"Stan and Dipper are the ones doing all the work here," Martha snapped. "They speak _your_ language; they read _your_ lips. You've made no effort to meet them halfway. And now, you want to have them surgically altered to make sure you never have to."

"I just want what's best for him!" Carly cried.

"Then stop asking _him_ to change," Martha said. She grabbed Carly's wrists and held her hands up. "Use these! The sooner you learn his language, the sooner you will get to know the incredible person _you_ gave birth to."

She turned and stomped out of the house.

\-----

Dipper returned later, entering the kitchen to put some things back. Ford looked up from his phone.

"Uh-" He waved, getting Dipper's attention. "Don't you still need those?"

"...no," Dipper said shortly. "I think I'm done with that class."

Ford stood up and walked over.

"What happened?" He asked.

"You didn't hear about the deaf boy who almost got run over in the student parking lot?" Dipper asked.

"No, are you ok?" Ford frowned.

"Or the fire I almost started in cooking class because I couldn't hear the bell?" Dipper continued.

"No," Ford shook his head. "Then again, I was never one to pay attention to gossip."

"Really? No one told you?" Dipper asked. Ford smiled.

"Last week, a boy in my class stapled his finger to his Spanish test," he said. "Another girl wet herself in band because the director wouldn't let her go to the bathroom before the halftime performance. Oh, and don't forget the time a certain boy got banned from all future cooking classes because he _actually started a fire while making mac and cheese from scratch._ "

"Ok, ok," Dipper laughed. "You can stop. Thanks."

"Besides, you never struck me as the kind of person who cared what people thought of you," Ford tilted his head a bit.

"Secretly? I really am," Dipper smiled sheepishly. "I don't exactly have the best memories of going to a hearing school. Or just of other kids in general. And I think all of this is just bringing it back."

"What happened?" Ford asked.

"Let's just say that third graders can be pretty mean," Dipper sighed. Ford looked at him expectedly. "They called me retarded. Or confused. I had one friend that wasn't my brother. One, throughout my entirety of being in a hearing school. Everyone else constantly called me a girl, or a freak. No one talked to us. It might sound silly now, but... when you're eight..."

"It doesn't sound silly," Ford said softly.

"I used to beg my mom not to make me go back," Dipper said, his voice breaking. "And then... one day, just as the kids were starting in on us again, Stan and Bella and me, Fidds walked by on the way home from his school. Eight-year-old Fidds. He ran up to them and he started to scream, and he just kept screaming right in their face. If you've never heard a deaf person scream before, it's pretty scary. So I've been told. The kids were terrified. It was like the world had just froze.

"And then he stopped and said- the only time I've ever known him to speak- he said 'Don't you _ever_ talk to them again'," Dipper smiled. "And then he grabbed us and pulled us away. Took us to his house, to Tate, and he explained what happened using his hands. ...we had never seen sign language before. It was... incredible. Tate gave Stan and me a big hug and marched us back to our house and sat our mom down and set her straight. Told her about deaf schools. Said we all have to learn how to sign. Everything changed after that."

Ford's phone beeped and he looked at it.

_Fidds: Coast is clear. Come over now._

"Everything ok?" Dipper asked.

"Yeah," Ford nodded.

"Do you need to go?" Dipper smiled.

"Yeah..." Ford said.

"It's ok," Dipper said. "Go."

Ford smiled and went to leave, but paused and turned back around.

"I just have to say that if you can survive all that, Buckner really shouldn't be that big of a deal," he said. "I hope you stay."

"Thanks," Dipper smiled.

\-----

Fiddleford opened the front door to see Ford outside.

"Hi," Ford greeted. Fiddleford smiled and waved. Ford grinned, and the two were silent for a minute.

 _You ok?_ Fiddleford asked. Ford nodded.

"Ready?" He asked. Fiddleford nodded and led him outside to the garage.

\-----

"Mabel's washing up. Where's Stanford?"

"He's at Kyle and Kevin's," Carly answered as she set the table. "Honey, you remember when Mabel went through her caticature phase?"

"Yeah, sure do," Daniel said. "She got really scratched up."

"That E.R. doctor was amazing," Carly said. "Mabel was hysterical, we were hysterical. And she somehow managed to calm us all down."

"She sure did," Daniel agreed.

"Honey, you know, I'd hate for her to not be there if we or somebody else needed her," Carly said. Daniel looked at her.

"Sweetie, they have malpractice insurance," he told her.

"I know," Carly sighed. "But what if it's not enough? What if they have to make up for the rest by cutting off grants or laying off doctors?"

"That's not gonna happen," Daniel said.

"How can you be so sure?" Carly asked.

"I just want them to say 'I'm sorry'," Daniel said.

"...what?"

"Yeah. That's it," Daniel said. "No more crap about how these things just happen. No more pointing fingers at us. No more minimizing what we've been through. I just want a damn apology."

Carly sighed.

"Sweetie-" she began.

"And guess what?" Daniel continued. "That is never gonna happen. You know why? It is always going to be a condition of the settlement, no apology, no admission of guilt."

"So what are you gonna do?" Carly asked.

"I don't wanna bankrupt any hospital, so... take the settlement," Daniel said. Carly smiled.

"That's great," she said. "It's not just because of what Dale said, is it?"

Daniel laughed.

"I'm not afraid of Dale," he said. "Now, you've been talking about this for a long time, and... I hear you. We make our point, and we move on with our lives."

"I love you," Carly said softly. She smiled and kissed him.

\-----

Ford and Fiddleford were searching around the garage, which was filled with boxes. Ford turned the corner around a shelf to see Fiddleford with an eye patch and pirate hat.

"You don't make a very scary pirate," Ford laughed. Fiddleford sighed and took the accessories off. "I don't think the guitar case is in here." He looked at a briefcase on the shelf. "We would have found it by now..." Fiddleford looked at the same briefcase. "What's that? It looks official."

Ford pulled it out and opened it. Inside was a bunch of documents. He riffled through them until he picked up one.

"It's Dipper's birth certificate," Ford said softly. "I mean, my birth certificate." He spotted the 'Sex: Female' part. "Sort of. 'June 15th, 1:22 AM, 6.5 pounds. Mother, Martha Oaks. Father, Filbrick Birch.' That's him. That's my dad!  Filbrick Birch.  Filbrick Birch's my dad! I'm  Filbrick Birch's son!"

Ford beamed and hugged Fiddleford.

\-----

Stan was walking around the Buckner campus, making sure no one was there to see him. He got into the building using the card. He then got into the teacher's classroom and the top desk drawer, which held the chemistry exam he had heard Ford reminding Mabel about. He took one of the packets and left.

\-----

Dipper walked into cooking class with his interpreter following him. He walked up to the teacher, holding a container.

"To say sorry for almost burning down your classroom," he held out the container. The teacher smiled. "They're chocolate mousse petit fours."

The teacher took one and bit into it.

"Mm!" She exclaimed. Dipper grinned. "Oh my god, these are delicious!"

The interpreter began to sign her words.

"I know what she said," Dipper told him. "It's what everyone says." He turned back to the teacher. "I took the advanced class to learn something new, but I can't if you change the way you teach it. So don't slow down for me, because I'm a better cook than anybody in this class."

"You got it," the teacher smiled. Dipper turned back to the interpreter.

"And whenever I need you, I'll let you know," he said. "If you see something burning, tell me. But other than that, I'll be fine, ok?"

"Ok," the man smiled. Dipper offered him one of the treats.

 _Oh my god, these are delicious,_ he signed. Dipper chuckled and looked back at the students, who were watching him.

"I'd offer you one, but you might catch being deaf," Dipper shrugged. He smiled at his interpreter, who winked.

\-----

Carly was arranging a vase of flowers on the dining room table when Daniel walked in.

"Hon, what is it?" Carly asked, seeing him look a bit upset.

"I just got off the phone with our lawyer," Daniel said.

"Oh, good!" Carly smiled. "You told her we'd take her number, right? It's done?"

"The hospital just withdrew their offer," Daniel revealed.

"What do you mean, withdrew it?" Carly asked.

"I mean, they don't want to settle anymore," Daniel explained. "They want to go to trial."

"In front of a judge and jury?" Carly asked. "Why would they do that? She said it was open and shut."

"...she thinks they found something," Daniel said. "Something that they can use against us."

"Like what?" Carly frowned.

"I have no idea."

\-----

Carly knocked on the door and a minute later, Martha opened it.

"Hi," Carly said.

"Hi," Martha repeated. Carly stayed quiet. "...you wanna come in?"

Carly walked inside and Martha closed the door.

 _You're... right,_ Carly signed slowly. _I want to learn._

Martha stared at her in shock.

"I was- I was trying to say-" Carly spoke.

"I know what you said," Martha interrupted.

"It's probably terrible," Carly said. "I learned it online and I-"

She was cut off when Martha hugged her. Martha smiled and stepped back after a minute.

"It's beautiful," she said. "Just... beautiful. You don't realize how much everything you do affects them. This is gonna... This is everything. Thank you."

"Thank you," Carly signed. Martha chuckled.

"Thank you," they both signed, laughing.

\-----

Ford was typing his dad's name into Google. He clicked enter, searching for the name. He looked at the pictures of different people with the name. He grabbed his phone and started to text to Fiddleford.

_Ford: 45 Filbrick Birches in the U.S._

_Ford: Three in Missouri._

_Ford: One is mine._

\-----

Martha walked into her bedroom, getting ready for bed after a long day. She opened her closet, revealing a black guitar case on the shelf above.


End file.
